Wanted: One Porn Name Maker

Here's the job I want: coming up with the names of people who send out porn e-mails. For the past week I've gotten an e-mail from "Liz" talking about horse fUUcker$ or something like that. I don't actually read the messages (ahem). But usually they are more creative than that. For instance, one just came across my hotmail from Klyen Blois, whose message is "Re:my sister". Another, from Sabina Farronato, says "Let's work something out."

Yet one more, simply from "Marie" (because we're on that close of terms), wants me to open the message that reads, "WARNING, BEASTIEAILTY S(E)X Pics Inside". Thanks for sharing, Marie.

Evidently, I have some friends I knew nothing about. And they're married women who want to have an extramarital affair.

And don't get me started on the ones that tell me that my woman thinks my penis is too small. That hurts my feelings.