Friday, May 28

The long weekend
Almost the weekend, y'all. Three-day weekend! Whoo! Maybe it won't rain the entire weekend. Maybe.

I don't have any major plans. We are possibly having people over for a cookout Sunday night. Hot dog, anyone?

Tonight we are going to watch this past Sunday's whacktacular episode of the Sopranos. I hate knowing what is going to happen because all I want to do is tell my husband, "I can't believe Ade got whacked!" But he would kill me. Not really, but he would be really, really mad for like, a minute.

And it's going to be spring cleaning part deux. Last weekend was part the first. The living room and kitchen got sparkly makeovers. The bathroom kinda did but only half-assedly. Big projects still lie ahead. The basement -- including the Scary Basement of Doooooooom (or Dom, as it is his fave room in the house, evah), upstairs room, and two bedrooms.

Non stop fun! Anyone doing anything exciting?
With my tail between my legs
I'm maintaining a low profile today because yesterday we got in trouble. BIG trouble. I won't go into the whole story but it involved an e-mail ending up in the hands of the wrong person, that e-mail being forwarded to some upper level people, and a lot of feelings being hurt. I was the intended recipient of the e-mail. A co-worker meant to forward it to me but instead hit reply and replied with some snark about an assignment and a general disparaging remark about the person. Not good.

The whole department got a scolding because it looks like we are a bunch of jerkoffs who e-mail back and forth all day. Plus we had some people walking around without shoes and my boss cracked down on that (which I'm glad for -- feet give me the heebie jeebies).

On top of that, Incompetent but Likeable, in the midst of when the heat was on, was off kilter yesterday and yelled so half the floor heard him, caps lock, leaned over: "HEY KATH, [CEO] NEEDS ME TO FAX HIM THE ARTICLE WE WROTE ON [some company thing] RIGHT NOW OR THE WORLD IS GOING TO FRIGGEN END!"

And after that I had to take a call from aforementioned CEO to give me a change to some flyer I did. My face was burning bright red as all hell was breaking loose and the eye twitch briefly showed up for moral support.

When I got home I took a long walk around the neighborhood and laughed about it with my husband. I couldn't believe the bad timing of everything.

Today the tone in the department is definitely low-key. No banter. No e-mail. And you know what? I'm actually getting work done. Funny how that works.

Thursday, May 27

Taste the rainbow
I never knew how much I enjoyed Skittles until I was able to single-handedly demolish a 17.60 oz bag (now with 10% more FREE!) in the span of about five business days. I need to replenish the snack drawer because the Skittles are about all that's going on in there.

I was about to describe my freakish Skittle eating pattern but decided that it was too weird to share. But it is a very scientific, mathematical method. Trust me.

And, just so you know, I went to to grab a pic of my favorite little candies, and was disturbed to see Shrek Skittles. They are ogre-green and have a little line art pic of Shrek's head on it where the "S" usually is. Disturbing.
The cheese has gone
Yawn. Fantasia won. Either that or the Franklin D. Roosevelt Jr. High production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat" was shown on national tv last night. Not sure. Not sure what happened there.

How about Roooooooben, folks? He started sweating the second he hit the stage. Profusely. It's kind of gross, 'kay Roob? Sweat is only becoming of a man when he's buff and shirtless. Example: Josh Duhamel in that how to win a date with Tad Hamilton in 10 days or whatever it was called. Sweaty Josh = GOOD. Sweaty Studdard = BAD. See the diff?

It was an homage to America's crappiest music, bad dancing, cheesy hosts, and a bunch of kids who, in ten years, will be dragged out on VH-1's "Where are those losers now that no one gives a crap" show. Now let's hope that we can all put this behind us and move on.

Wednesday, May 26

The remedy is the experience
Rarely, have I been able to say that a concert's opening act was as good as the headliner. After attending Jason Mraz's acoustic tour last night, for the first time, I have to say that the opening acts outshone the headliner.

I am not a fan of acoustic shows. The others I've been to have been disappointments. I saw Shawn Colvin perform acoustic a couple of years ago and she stumbled and bumbled through her set and told incoherent stories. Ryan Adams' acoustic set completely alienated the audience and he failed to play any of the songs that the fans wanted to hear. And in the same fashion, Jason Mraz was entertaining, but didn't live up to expectation, especially after his two opening acts blew the audience away.

The first artist, Hawaiian singer/songwriter Makana, did things with a guitar I didn't know were possible. He infused traditional Hawaiian sound (including the "slack key" form of guitar tuning) with modern folk elements, resulting in a mesmerizing performance. I'll forgive Hawaii for Jasmine Trias now.

Makana brought out Jason and the second opening act, Raul Midon, for his final song. The show transitioned effortlessly between Makana and Midon's sets. Midon, who just happens to be blind, turned his guitar into an entire band, by simulating percussion and even performing a horn solo with his mouth. He had a funky, soulful sound that I would put somewhere on the map between Stevie Wonder, Lenny Kravitz and Bob Marley.

After having seen two incredible talents, I figured Jason would just rock the house. He didn't disappoint the crowd, who would have screamed uncontrollably regardless of whether or not any actual music was played, but he didn't wow. He played a succession of favorites, like "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)", "I'll Do Anything" and "You and I Both," and told some pretty amusing stories about roller rinks and Scary Spice which I only half heard, and also did a cover of "The Rainbow Connection," but then wasted time by trying to get the audience to do a call-and-answer style skat song. I would have rather heard a few more of his tunes than had to hear the audience try to sing "skiddly a ba bap bu bap", but maybe that's just me.
An abomination
First of all: blood test results= normal! Whee! Now I just need to find out what they want to do with me now. Probably I'll go see an ENT.

But now, on to more grim news. I thought that TVJ was just foolin' with us, but alas, it is true: Satan will be showing her ugly face on television again this summer. I have never been a huge follower of The Amazing Race, but I know that I will have to tune in now just to -- hopefully -- see Alison whine her way into an early exit from the show.

WHY would they give her more face time? I guess because she has so much hateration. It makes good television, or something like that. Argh!

Tuesday, May 25

Heads up
As Green Tuna pointed out, the world wide web just doesn't want some of you to read this blog if you have attempted to come on board with a www. at the beginning.

So update your links:!

You have been warned.

Monday, May 24

I was just cruising around the blogs and had been cooking up a bitchfest about the Sopranos, how they only have 13 episodes about as often as the cicadas come to play, but I am also a week behind on viewing said award-winning HBO series. So then I read a wee bit of a spoiler concerning last night's ep and now I have to rethink my rant. I guess I should watch the ep first.

Last night we watched the past two weeks' worth of episodes, one of which contained a half-hour long dream sequence that was one midget short of a Twin Peaks moment. It's like the writers ran out of actual plot and so they were like, well, let's just make up a really bizarre dream and then pay all the dead people to come back and do cameos. (This caused me to exclaim, "Pussy!" when the unfortunately-named character came on screen -- and I HATE that word.)

I understand that a lot of the show deals with Tony's struggle to reconcile his actions with his own conscience (did I mention that I'm reading that Sopranos philosophy book that I found at Borders a few weeks ago?) but enough with the dreams already. It could have ended looooooooong before he was screwing Artie's wife while Artie watched. Yee.

But with that being said, the Sopranos is still, hands down, one of the best written and best acted shows ever.

Now I just need to catch up...
So now the waiting game begins
There was no improvement in my dizziness over the weekend. So I had to go back in to the doctor today. He still feels that it is an inner ear infection and that the pills just need more time to work. (Hello? The pills did NOTHING except make me extremely drowsy.) However, he also drew blood to rule out the possibility of diabetes and anemia because I have a history of diabetes in my family and I was anemic as a child. I have long suspected that I have something like this but I always assumed it was hypoglycemia, the other end of the spectrum, because I always get shaky when I don't eat within a couple of hours.

So at least now I'll know. One way or another.

And can I just say that getting blood drawn is very icky? I closed my eyes so I didn't have to see it, but I could hear... never mind... you don't want to know.

I find out Wednesday what the results of the blood test are. If there's nothing abnormal, then I go to an ear, nose and throat specialist.

In between then and now I'm sure I'll be freaking out, but I plan on keeping myself relatively busy to avoid the complete wigout. For instance, tonight we are going to take my mother-in-law to dinner for her birthday. Tomorrow I am going to go in to work, even though the doctor said I didn't have to, just so I can keep busy during the day. Then tomorrow night I'm going to see Jason Mraz perform acoustic. He was amazing when he came in the Fall with a full band, so I'm hoping that he doesn't lose that coolness when it's just him.

Oh, and of course, there's the Fantasia/Diana faceoff tomorrow night. Except oh yeah, I don't care. Much.

Friday, May 21

Cures what ails ya
An entire 99-cent bag of Baked Lays, with chasers of Skittles and Diet Coke, is a pretty good cure for vertigo. At least when my teeth are busy chomping on chips, it is hard to notice the spinning head.
Hello... is it me you're looking for?

This is just a test. Lionel has been sent here to see how this neat new little photo feature, called "Hello," works. Posted by Hello

It's also an IM program, for Blogger users, so ya know, if you feel like it, add me to your list. I'm katjamb1.
This was today's front page news...
In the Akron Beacon Journal. Not only front page, but front page, above the fold. Can we say, slow news day?

But still, I thought that some of you would truly enjoy it. Especially those of you who work in libraries... ahem...
Hello Minotaur
The initial thinking from the doc is that I have a condition called labrynthitis, which is the sensation caused by running in a large maze with a horned creature in the middle. Or something like that. Actually, it's some kind of inner ear condition that is offsetting my balance and causing vertigo. I am on a glorified form of dramamine. If the condition doesn't clear up by Monday, I have to go back in to the doctor for more testing.

So I have all weekend to fret about it! Wonderful!

I came in to the office and now I'm regretting it. Both staring at the computer screen (which, admittedly, I'd be doing at home anyway) and the various office noises aren't really helping with the dizziness. Come on, dramamine, do your thing!

Thursday, May 20

Kind of makes you wonder
I was just on the phone with the nurseline for my health insurance, asking them about some dizziness that I've been having over the past few days. They went through the usual litany of questions, and I got the usual "could you be pregnant" one, but then they asked if I had come into contact with anyone who had the SARS virus. That's a new one.

And the end result was that they had no idea what was causing my dizziness. I'll be visiting my doctor's office tomorrow morning. I hope it's not a toomah!

Wednesday, May 19

Shout outs
Because I'm lazy, I have a bunch of random stuff that I'm going to direct at certain readers, rather than hunting down e-mails, because, oh yeah, I already said it: I'm lazy.

So here goes:

Copsister: I want to send your tape back to you but I have misplaced the slip of paper with your address on it. Can you e-mail it to me at the address at the top of this page? I admit -- it was in a bad place -- on the living room floor, near the TV. When I went to look for it this morning, my husband's shoes and socks were in the exact place where the piece of paper was. So I have no idea what happened to it, because it would be very out of character for him to actually throw something away! [/end gripe]

Green Tuna: I thought you would be happy to know that someone visited my site after searching for "imitation marshmallow peeps." Perhaps they visited yours as well?

Babyfishfel: Up until yesterday I thought it was "Babyfishel" without the second "f". Don't ask me why. I have changed my link accordingly.

Anyone concerned about the goings on in my office: Bad Lady has a new secret nickname. I can't take credit for coming up with the name. We have been referring to her as "Hack 'n' Mumbles" (pronounced Hackenmumbles) because she has been frequently producing a dry, hacking cough, and because she is the only human being I know who can carry on a 15 minute phone call without pronouncing an actual word.

Jasmine Trias: Congratulations, you're the next American Idol!

And one more:

For those of you expecting a post-American Idol rant, I bring you this instead:
I have a fairly long commute to work. And most of it is spent on our wonderful Ohio Turnpike. Many of you are familiar with this stretch of road. It takes you to such wonderful destinations as Pennsylvania (going East), Toledo, Detroit and Indiana (going west) and along the way, stretches across many, many acres of farm land. On my stretch, not so much. My stretch of turnpike is actually quite beautiful. It goes over the Cuyahoga river and the Cuyahoga Valley National Park.

Taking the turnpike to and from work, five days a week, for upwards of three years, means that I see a lot of the same faces in the toll booth. A lot of them recognize me. There are some turnpike workers who I like more than others. For instance, there's Mr. Friendly, a surly man who barely utters a grunt while taking my ticket and my EZ Pass card. There's Gorbechev, who, minus the large birthmark, resembles the former Russian leader. There's Overly Perky in the Morning Woman, who always has a big grin for me when I want to ram my Corolla into someone's bumper, and there's Gigantic Asshole Bastard, who I hate because he always tells me to "smile!" when all I want to do is get home and away from his freaking tollbooth.

Well this morning, a new character was added to my repertoire of tollbooth friends. This guy shall heretofore be known as Shouting Man. "HELLO!" he boomed at me this morning while taking my ticket. Then, when he gave it back to me, "HAVE A NICE DAY!"

Yikes. That's a little more than a girl can take at 8:15 a.m. Know what I'm sayin'?

Tuesday, May 18

Out of office
Well, I woke up this morning feeling somewhat akin to crap, so I took one of my coveted sick days. I always feel guilty taking a sick day, even if I know that I don't have anything pressing that someone else will need to look at or work on. I probably could have gone in. But... I'm glad I didn't.

Then I dread hearing the phone ring because I think it could be my boss. And he might want something.

At the same time, when the phone doesn't ring, I begin to think that it doesn't make a difference whether or not I'm there. They don't need me! Oh no! I need to feel needed!

OK, not that much. I'm glad for the day of rest. I needed it, maybe more mentally than physically.

Monday, May 17

Old school
This weekend I traveled back in time about six years and visited my alma mater. It's an annual pilgrimage made by myself and one of my former roommates. We go during a certain festival week whereupon they close down the main street and several vendors from different multicultural organizations open up little booths on the street and sell food, jewelry, and miscellaneous other things. There's music, dancing and plenty of people watching (the last being the most interesting).

Among the people I saw: our super sketchy roommate who sublet in our house during the summer between junior and senior year. The entire summer he had one bath towel that he never washed. It stank to high holy heaven. Seriously, it may have been the worst stank I have ever laid my nostrils upon. Our tactic was to avoid him like the dickens. He also had a huge falling out with me and my roommate that summer, saying we were "shallow" -- this being a couple days after he asked me out and I rejected him. OK, yeah, I'm a little bit shallow. I admit it. But it's OK for me to say it, it's NOT OK for someone else to tell me that. Anyway, I can think of few people I'd rather not run into than him.

I also saw from afar T Diddy's brother sitting at the window table of Bagel Street Deli (please confirm or deny).

There were a ton of other people who looked familiar, but I don't know if it's whether I actually knew them or because they looked similar to people I knew when I went there.

It's always fun to go back there. We slip back into our personas from when we were students. We feel young but old at the same time. Our hangouts are closed, under new management, named different names, turned into tshirt stores. In fact, we were in a tshirt store that used to be a bar called The Dugout when we went there. But another group of alums, 2002 grads, came in and recalled that when they went there, the bar was called Mama Einstein's. It made us feel even older.

We drove back down by our old dorms, looked into the windows of where we lived ten years ago. We noticed all the classroom buildings where we spent most of our days. We both regretted not being more involved while we were there. We spent so much time sitting on our asses, doing nothing. I wish that I had done more with my free time. Although, I did have a blast, come to think of it.

It's always sad to leave town after one of our trips. There's never enough time to see everything we want to see, eat everything we want to eat, drive past all the places we want to reminisce about. I know I'll go back there every year, sometimes more than that, and each time I'll feel a little bit more detached, a little bit more nostalgic. But for those few hours, I swear, it's like the town has been waiting for me, to show me some of its new secrets, and to assure me that no matter how long I'm away, it will still feel like home when I come back.

Friday, May 14

I was enjoying reading the story about the octopus getting it on today. But man, give the couple a little privacy! This isn't the Paris Hilton tape. Jeez!
Stop clownin' around
On the main MSN page this morning is a rather disturbing picture of a Ronald McDonald lookalike in the back of a police car, frowning and waving to onlookers. I don't know if I have previously mentioned my fear and general heebie jeebies toward clowns, but Ronald McDonald is at the top of my list of freaky red-wigged dudes who like kids. So every time I click on Internet Explorer (read: every 5 minutes), I get to see that unnerving vision. The story itself is kind of amusing, it deals with a Greenpeace member who chained himself to a Mickey D's distribution center to protest the fast food chain's practice of feeding genetically altered food to their chickens. Mmm. McNuggets.

Clowns of all sorts have always scared me. I trace it back to the Stephen King novel, "It," which I read in seventh grade, and then the made-for-TV movie based on that novel, starring Tim Curry as the scary-ass clown. Ever since then, clowns have been evil, horrifying and just really give me the wiggins.

There was also a mime that really freaked me out. He worked at Sea World of Ohio, which exists no longer, at the Sea Lion and Otter show. He was the whole deal, the black and white striped shirt, trapping himself in a box, wrong-ass mime. As a young'un, I never wanted to sit in the front rows during that show because he would come over and do his mime thing and it would just really put a damper on my otherwise lovely day with Shamu.

My mime hatred healed a little during Big Brother 4 when the mime entered the house and taunted Alison, Robert and Jun. That mime is OK by me. But he does not erase my years and years of anti-mimeism.

This is actually a common fear... anyone else care to step up and admit that they can't stand the sight of a big-shoe wearin', red mouthed, multicolor haired man in thrift store clothing?

Thursday, May 13

Restoring my faith in humanity
Finally, America got it right and awarded the man beast, Rupert, with a million bucks. Still doesn't quite remedy the LaToya snafu, but hey, I'm glad that Rupert is sitting on a cool mill now.

Even better was Jeff calling Jerri out on the carpet. I could have watched him go at it with her for the majority of the hour. Jeff was in rare form, that's for sure.

The worst moment of the night was seeing Johnny Fairplay in the audience, and THEN letting him speak. He is still one of the most vile human beings on the planet.

So until September, we are Survivor-less. Withdrawal will kick in in approximately 5... 4... 3... 2...

Please let spandex be next
Don't our nation's lawmakers have better things to be worrying about than this? Not that I'm saying it's a bad thing. I certainly don't like seeing young girl's butt cracks, nor do I like seeing the underwear-clad buttocks of guys wearing jeans so low they're around the ankles. Well, maybe I don't mind those buttocks as much as I mind the girls' cracks, but you get the point.

Honestly, though, why stop with the low-slung, ass-baring pants? Let's also ban spandex, anything that starts with the word "tube," and also, while we're at it, let's ban people from wearing shirts that reveal the belly button and its surrounding areas.

What am I forgetting? There must be other fashion atrocities that, if lawmakers are willing to sponsor a bill, we can eliminate as well.
What a crock
I'm so done with American Idol. So. Done.
I guess it's like the presidential election, though, if you don't vote, you don't get to complain. I didn't vote for LaToya on Tuesday. So I guess it's partially my fault that she's gone.

Oh well. Perhaps the American Idol producers will have to think about changing the way the voting is done after Jasmine wins and they are forced to give a mediocre singer a record contract.

Wednesday, May 12

What I really watched
Last night I learned that even with my back to the TV, I could still follow what was going on on "24." The only time I turned around to look was when the daughter ran back to Tony and then all the shooting started. But that was, what, the last few minutes of the show?

Then I tuned in to the Game Show Network (now known just by its much hipper "GSN") to see a rerun of season one of "The Mole." I won't give anything away, but Kathryn is the mole. And Steven wins. But it's still fun to watch, because a) Anderson Cooper is hilarious, and b) knowing who the mole is makes it more interesting.

I saw a little bit of American Idol. I saw Jasmine's first performance (meh) and then missed everyone else's first, and then tuned in again just in time to see Jasmine crying after her performance. What happened? I'm assuming Simon said something insensitive. Everyone else was just OK. I liked LaToya's performance, but I always do. And I disliked Fantasia and Diana's performances. I wasn't even looking at the TV and I still couldn't stand them. And Fantasia really should just keep her mouth shut at all times when she isn't singing.

Don't forget to vote for your favorite Survivor All-Star to win a million! There's still time!

Tuesday, May 11

Extreme Makeover
I am experiencing a bit of blogger envy. I'm checking out sites like Green Tuna's, Mensch's, and Tracie's, and they are all looking fabulous! But then there's mine which is still pea/camoflauge green and orange. Not so attractive.


I'm too chicken shit to change mine! I don't want to lose my comments!

I guess I need to grow a pair and just do it.


Maybe tomrrow.

Or something.
Hot stuff
Can I just say that I really don't give two shits about the rest of the American Idol season? OK. I will. I don't give two shits about the rest of the American Idol season. Tonight, we'll see some Donna Summers tunes, which I'm sure will include "Hot Stuff" (Fantasia), "Last Dance" (Jasmine?), "She Works Hard for the Money" (LaToya) and god only knows what Diana will do. I'm just guessing, by the way. And I also couldn't think of another Donna Summers song to save my life.

We all know that the final two are going to be Fantasia (boooooo) and LaToya (yayyyyyy). But honestly, beyond that, who cares? Does anyone think that either of these two are going to have the kind of success that Clay Aiken, Kelly Clarkson, and to a lesser extent, Ruben Studdard, have enjoyed?

Or will they be more along the lines of a Justin Guarini type of success? Which is to say, none at all?
This means war
The office battle this morning is between my department and the tech department. They hate us anyway. We have all different software than everyone else, and it causes them problems for god knows what reason.

Anyway, we are getting ready to launch our new website, and for whatever reason, Tech Dweeb #1 needs to print 900 pages of screen shots of the site on our department's color printer. I'm not exaggerating. I went to the printer and it was printing page 398 of 900 and had died.

This isn't Kinko's. If you have that much shit to print, print it black and white. Don't waste our toner and paper with that nonsense. Why does it have to be in color? For what purpose must it be printed? It's on the Internet.

So we're stuck waiting for our stuff to come out after the 900th page prints. That is, IF we have paper left.
Of note
~I just became a little bit less in debt, as I made the last payment toward my previous leased car. Never lease a car if you can avoid it. Sure, the monthly payments are lower, but at the end, you find out that they can tack on all these extra charges for excess wear and tear, excess mileage (OK, so I went over by quite a bit) and mine even had a "lease termination fee." To the tune of just under $2000. I had to make nine monthly payments of $220 to pay it off, and the last one was just paid today. Go me! Now I only have one car payment to make instead of two! $220 more bucks a month to go toward my credit cards! Or to actually pay bills on time!

~Last night I purchased the domain name for Now I just need to figure out what to do with it.

~It is definitely a Wendy's mandarin chicken salad day.

~Oh, and one more thing... I got Cops' tape of the OC finale and last week's Survivor in the mail! Woot! I will watch it tonight after I get my (fabulous) haircut.

Monday, May 10

Some assistance, por favor
For all of you who blog, I've noticed that some of you have your own domain names (e.g. Because I'm on an anti-blogger rampage, I checked into typepad. I even went so far as to create this little prototype, but I want my domain to be or something similar. Do I have to pay extra $$$ for that? Anybody know? TVJ? I'm just askin'.

Still no digital camera. I am dying to take pics! I hope I have it by this weekend so I can take it with me on my little road trip down to my alma mater. More on that later after my BloggeRage dies down a bit.
This is truly the worst time of day. It's the point in the day where someone always remarks, "Wow, this day went fast!" or "Wow, this day is really dragging!"

For me, the mid 3 o'clock hour is always when I start to crash and burn. Whether I'm chugging away at a huge project (like today) or I'm working on various minor stuff, it always seems to be done by 3:30. There's still plenty of time to start something else, but I don't really want to. Then I start thinking that I want a snack. Or I start thinking about what I want for dinner. Or if anyone has posted anything new that I didn't already read at 3.

And for the record, I am not dealing well with the new Blogger.

The Big Ass Twist
Argh. Blogger changed their layout. Have I mentioned that I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE??? *does the Howard Dean yell*

Where to even start discussing last night's Survivor finale? You had the big proposal *coughMikeBoogiecough* and all the drama, Rupert giving his man-beast yell to the crowd yet one more time, much to their delight, Shii Ann (for reasons I still don't quite understand) winning a car, and the obligatory Jeff Probst vote sequence in the helicopter.

I have to say, it was some exciting television. From the jury speeches (get over it already, Lex!), to Jerri's stupid wah-wah-focus on me blather at the reunion show, to Big Tom's refusal to shake Boston Rob's hand ("Don't be stupid, stupid!)... it was just great.

I've already voted on for who I want to win the second million dollars. I'll give you a hint: tie dye.

So, as I said, there's a painful hiatus between shows now, but, as Green Tuna has informed us, it's one month and 28 days until Big Brother. Sharpen that snark, folks!

Sunday, May 9

Finale night
Don't forget that tonight is Survivor finale night. Who will be the winner? Boston Rob? Amber? Rupert? Jenna?

After Survivor ends, we must turn our thoughts toward the premiere of our favorite summertime programming: Big Brother. It's almost Hamster Time again people!

Friday, May 7

Search this
I am really appreciating that my ad banner is showing related searches of "eye twitch" and "survivor news."
Oops I Did It Again
Wednesday night, my husband blew it with the VCR. Last night, I blew it.
I went to the Indians game and was not home in time for my usual television viewing. In the morning, I set the VCR, allegedly, to tape Survivor.

When I got home, I turned on the VCR to rewind the tape and realized that it was set to our local Fox station. That's because, brilliant me, I set it to tape Fox instead of CBS. So I think I have an hour of "COPS" on tape, in case anyone wants it.

I should never be trusted to do anything before 11 a.m.

Thursday, May 6

E-Bay Newbie
I have a question for those of you more experienced with E-Bay: I just bid on, and won, a digital camera. (For $45 including shipping! It's probably a piece of crap!)

I paid for it through PayPal, so that is all taken care of.

What happens now? Does the seller get in touch with me or does the item just ship? I want my camera... NOW. This is going to benefit all of you because I mostly plan on using the camera to take random pictures and post them here. And will just about guarantee that most of my work day will be spent posting... oh wait, it already is.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming
As you may have gleaned from the skit, there was a bit of miscommunication last night between my husband and I regarding the taping of certain television programs.

Not only did I call him to remind him, but I e-mailed and asked if he could "please please please please please please one hundred times" tape the shows for me.

I met a friend for dinner last night and was not in home in time to view my shows.

I walked in the house at 9:53 to find him on the couch watching the Indians game. The VCR was not in motion.

"Are you taping my shows?" I asked, truly, truly feeling panicky.

I know he felt bad. He apologized. He sulked. He fell to the floor and Domino attacked him. But then he offered up this nugget, which he thought would make it all better: "But I cut the grass!"

Season finale of OC. Having freshly-cut grass? Isn't going to make the episode reappear. George Huff's swan song? Not available in my back yard.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Batten down the hatches
SCENE: The interior of a large control room. Each wall is covered with large control panels with large monitors and many buttons.

Many RANDOM GUYS are seated around the control panels, turning dials and staring intently at the monitors.


CAPTAIN: I'd like everyone's attention please. Everyone? I've just had a rather ... disturbing report.

The RANDOM GUYS shift uncomfortably in their seats.

CAPTAIN: As you all know, we have been monitoring Kat's mood in the past few weeks and trying to regulate it. We've been successful thus far, but --

(The camera pans to a close-up of the face of RANDOM GUY #1, who appears both frightened and pensive.)

CAPTAIN: This could change everything. (close-up of captain's face, with a grave expession. He pauses for several seconds.) I've just learned that Kat's 10 year high school reunion is next month.

RANDOM GUY #1: Sir, should I press the panic button?

CAPTAIN: Not yet. Let's see how she takes the news.

RANDOM GUY #2 has a large bottle of pills. He downs the entire bottle and goes into convulsions for several seconds before going limp.

RANDOM GUY #3 is standing near a large plate glass window which was not seen in the first interior shot of the control room. He takes a running leap through the window and we hear an "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" as he plummets down several stories and hits the ground.

RANDOM GUY #4 has soiled himself.

RANDOM GUY #5: (rocking back and forth in chair) Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place.

CAPTAIN: Gentlemen! I think it's going to be OK! Kat has a month to process this information and prepare herself for this event. I think we should give her the benefit of the doubt.

RANDOM GUY #1: But she wanted to lose fifteen pounds, have a bestselling novel as well as a nice car and a husband who doesn't forget to tape the American Idol results show and the OC season finale!

CAPTAIN: It's too late for all that, and she knows it. Maybe the fifteen pounds thing. I hear the grapefruit diet works well.

RANDOM GUY #6: But she hates grapefruit! (he begins to hyperventilate)

RANDOM GUY #7: Get a hold of yourself, Random Guy #6! (he slaps Random Guy #6)

CAPTAIN: Allright, here's my plan. Random Guy #1, please program Bad Lady's radio so that no Bette Midler songs come on today. Random Guy #4, change your pants and report back here immediately. Random Guy #5, stop watching that infernal 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' thing. #6 and #7, I need you to start typing into your keyboards as if you are really really busy! And I'll handle the rest.

The CAPTAIN smiles ominously as he exits the control room. But where is he going, and what is his plan?


Wednesday, May 5

And a bunch of other short things that I glommed into one post:
1. Is anyone else excited for the season finale of the O.C. tonight? Just me? OK then.

2. My sis-in-law has some kind of connection to get us backstage passes when John Mayer is in town. *thinks of clever thing to say to him to avoid being a blubbering asshole*
*also does not get hopes up as s-i-l is flake and the connection is sketchy*

3. The eye twitch has become an entire side of the face twitch. Just really the side of my nose, so I'm doing a little bit of a "Samantha from Bewitched" kind of thing. Tink-a-tink-a-tink! Wish I could do the nose twitch thing and make Bad Lady disappear.
Tacos, burritos, nachos
Yeah. I ate lunch today. My sandwich and two apples.
That didn't stop me from then eating two tacos, two brownies, and three cookies.
You see, it's Cinco de Mayo. (That's Spanish for "sink of mayonaise") So to celebrate, my office had a little Mexican potluck lunch thing, and everyone was encouraged to bring in a dish.

I'm a non-participator in those kinds of reindeer games. I don't own a crock pot, I have no cooking skills whatsoever, and usually I'm too lazy or too poor to even buy a bag of Chips Ahoy and pretend that I made them.

So I'm one of those kinds of people. I don't participate, but then I sneak down when the festivities are over and eat all the leftovers. I know it's despicable, but I am what I am.

I wish all of you a happy Cinco de Mayo. May the lemons in your Coronas be seedless.
Don't you sass back at me
Watch out, folks, and hold on to your firewalls, because the Sasser worm is comin' to get ya. It appently is so prevalent that if you don't have a firewall you will probably get it. I have no idea what a firewall is or what it does but I made sure that my home computer had its firewall all prepped and ready to deflect this sassy worm and send it careening back to the cyber wormhole from which it came.

All of us Windows users are vulnerable to it. So if you have Windows and haven't protected yourself against sassafras yet, go to and get yourselves some duck tape, plywood, bottled water, and a firewall.

I don't know if the sassypants worm got into my computer but something did, and now my main hotmail account, not the one listed above, but another one, has been randomly sending viruses out. The Daemon keeps e-mailing me to tell me that my attachment was suspicious. I don't usually send messages from this account so I'm not sure what it's even talking about. I changed my password, though, and even after that, it sent out suspicious attachments. And not even to people in my address book, just to randoms. So I'm a little concerned that someone has usurped my account to infect other PC's.

My main suspect is this weird dude who has been bugging me via e-mail ever since I posted a comment in someone's blog about toes. How toes are freaky or something. I think he has a foot fetish, and so he has periodically been sending me some provocative toe photos. Not the blog author, mind you, just some totally random guy who happened to read the comment. Don't worry, it wasn't your blog. Or yours.

Or maybe it's just the sasquatch worm, working its magic. I don't know. Just be aware, put your firewalls up, and it's all going to be OK.
Could I BE more over it?
While many of us are going to be watching someun get the boot tomorrow night on Survivor, a whole legion of Americans will be boo-hooing over their favorite show, Friends, and its final hurrah.

I will still watch the reruns when they're on the WB during pre-dinner hours. But I lost interest years ago, probably when I was forced to choose between my favorite reality show and my favorite sitcom. Sorry, Ross. I think it was you who drove me away.

Ross' character became too pathetic, too whiney, and too, I don't know, meh.

Now that it's almost over, I'm curious to see how it will end. Actually, even though I haven't watched, I still know that Chandler and Monica are adopting a child, or something, and that Phoebe got married, and that Rachel and Ross have a child together, and that Matt LeBlanc is going to milk his character for as far as it takes him. I guess I'm still interested enough to see how it all winds up.

During the commercials of Survivor.

Edited to add subliminal message

Tuesday, May 4

House rules
As HOH, I have made an executive decision. The door to the laundry room hereby is closed and shall remain closed until further notice, or until management deems it appropriate to open it again.

A certain four-legged creature who shall remain nameless has gotten out of control with his laundry room scavenger hunts. This morning, I found a pile of dirty laundry outside of the bathroom. Thinking my lazy-ass husband had left it there, I went to grab it and throw it down the chute. I realized that it was actually my stuff. Two shirts and two (non-matching) socks. And then in the kitchen: another shirt, a washcloth and a hand towel.

My poor little deranged kitty is just going to have to find a new game to play.

Monday, May 3

In the huhhhh? department, Green Tuna has made my day by unearthing this gem. I don't know if it ever ends, but I watched it, did a LOL ROFLMAO, got up, watched it again, did a little chair dance that involved the swim and the robot, and then watched it a third time. It's just that good.