Monday, October 31

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Happy Halloween everybody!
Candy eaten today (FINAL TALLY):
4 Heath bars
1 pack of Nerds
5 packages of Twizzlers (2 per pack)
2 pieces of Laffy Taffy
1 pack of Bottle Caps

Wednesday, October 26

Strike three
Add me to the list of people who think that something needs to change with regard to the time and duration of the World Series. Something is seriously wrong when I watch part of the game, go to bed and sleep for several hours, wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, and the goddamn game is still on. Not to mention, after being up for about an hour and going back to bed, the game still wasn't over. I can't imagine how pissed I'd be if my team was in the Series. How can anyone stay up to watch those games?

Tuesday, October 25

Houston, we have a problem.

So, the other night, we're getting the baby out of the tub, and I reach into the laundry basket of clean clothes which I brought up from the basement that morning. (Sidebar: I am not a good laundry folder. My idea of folding the laundry is making sure that nothing that can wrinkle gets left in the basket. Otherwise, I bring the basket upstairs and leave it where I can just go root through it and take out what I need.)

The sleeper that I grab out of the basket is a bit damp. I assume it didn't get fully dry in the dryer. So I reach back in and fish out something else. This time, I feel that there is something completely soaked in there. I pull out a burp cloth that is saturated... and yellow. And smells like pee.


Yep, one of the cats took a leak into the baby's laundry. The question was, which one? Neither of them has ever done anything like this before, and both were often seen in the baby's room acting suspicious. I was kind of hoping it was Molly, though, just because she already has no redeeming qualities, so this would just be another one to add to the list.

So that entire load had to be washed again, although a couple of things that were really soaked in pee just went into the trash.

I was really upset about the whole thing and my husband tried to convince me that whoever it was probably just mistook the laundry for the litterbox (I wasn't buying that for a second.)

The next day, my husband was just home from work with the baby and in his room, changing his diaper. Dom was poking around in the baby's room. He got into the baby's plastic bathtub, scratched around in there, and then, right in front of Owen, squatted and took a leak in it.

The suspect has been apprehended. The question is, why is he doing it? Is he striking out against the baby? Or does he just have a bladder problem? Either way, I'm not pleased with my little black and white friend.

Monday, October 24

Party time
We were brave souls this weekend and ventured out to a party this weekend with Daniel in tow. It was about a 40 minute drive away, to boot.

He did fairly well for about two hours and then had a total meltdown, at which point we had to excuse ourselves. Our hostess is about 8 months pregnant, so our presence at the party was, more than anything, to give her a taste of what her life will be like in three months.

The best thing that happened at the party was when one of the guests' four year old son demanded that the lights be turned off, that a flashlight be shone upon him, as he performed a rap in front of everyone. He flawlessly executed a performance of the first half of the Beastie Boys' "Paul Revere" as his dad looked on proudly. It was truly awesome.

Wednesday, October 19

Oh, be-hive
My child right now is one giant hive. And I am FREAKING out about it! It started yesterday, the day care called and had noticed a red spot on his face after getting him up out of his crib, but it then spread all over his face while they were feeding him.

By the time I got there, the marks on his face were gone, but when I got him home I noticed huge hives with white bumps all over his chest and arms.

This morning he had a second outbreak that I noticed when I got him up this morning.

Then he had a third outbreak at daycare while getting his bottle.

My husband is taking him to the doctor right now but I am about to have a heart attack here... what could be causing it? It's probably not the formula, although most of the outbreaks have occurred while he was eating (not the one this morning though -- I nursed him from the time he got home last night until we left for daycare this morning!). We did laundry last night, and gave him a bath, so it's probably not detergent. And besides, it's the same stuff we've always used.

I'm seriously trying not to wig out here. Does anyone have any experience with hives and their causes to give me some ideas of what the hell might be going on?
I know I'm going to get some unintentional hits on my blog with this post, but...
So last night, my husband and I are watching one of the many episodes of Rome that we have backlogged on our DVR. At some point, I pass out on the couch due to sheer exhaustion because, oh, I don't know, I have a child who refuses to sleep through the night?

When I wake up, the episode is over, so I drag my weary butt off the couch. My husband is in the kitchen. "When did you pass out?" he asked. "The last thing I remember was when Marc Antony was going to Atia's house," I tell him.

"So you missed the sex slave?"


"The sex slave," he tells me. "He had the biggest wang I've ever seen!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I missed that," I said.

"Yeah, you'd remember it."

Monday, October 17

Smurfed up
Did anyone see this Smurf video where the Smurf village gets bombed? Talk about disturbing. I learned about it on -- where else -- Best Week Ever.

You can see the video here, although it's a bit grainy.

Seriously, maybe I'm a little sensitive here, but I think this is borderline traumatizing.

Friday, October 14

Skillz that Killz
I know that I have skillz when people know to come to me when there's an important task to be performed, such as Photoshopping our Controller's head onto a Halloween costume ad that appeared in the newspaper, that said, "accountant by day... pimp daddy by night!"

P.S. Bonus points to anyone who can name what movie my title is in reference to. It's another movie I DVR'ed recently and watched in the wee hours of the night in small increments. And one I never thought I would think was funny, but was damn hilarious.
One of those days
So, last night, Daniel woke up at 2 a.m., which is his usual mid-night wake up time. I got up, groggy-eyed, and fed him while watching the beginning of Shaun of the Dead, a movie I put on the DVR last weekend sometime and that was taking up valuable space. Around 2:25, Daniel was sleeping in my arms, and I had become absorbed into the movie and was forced to turn it off and put us both back to bed.

Unfortunately I had an opportunity to continue watching at 3, when Daniel started crying softly in his crib again. And also unfortunately, I hadn't even fallen back asleep yet. So I popped back up was awake for another half hour or so getting the baby back to sleep.

At 4, he woke up AGAIN. So I was able to finish watching the movie (which was actually really amusing) before laying him back down, though he was still kind of half-awake, at almost 5.

When I went back to bed, now utterly exhausted, Dom decided that it was time to cuddle, so he crawled up between Owen and I and began chirping loudly and batting at my face with his paw until I petted him. I tried to pretend to be asleep but it didn't fool him.

About 5:15, guess who was awake again? And smiling brightly at me when I returned to retrieve him from his crib?

He went in his swing; I crashed on the couch. I think sometime after 6, I finally fell asleep. At 7, my husband came to say goodbye as he left for work and I remember thinking: must ... get ... up... the next thing I know, it's 8.

I mad a mad rush to get ready, feed the baby, change his diaper (whereupon he peed all over himself and needed a full change of clothes) and made it out of the house at 8:45.

I start work at 8:30. And work is about a 40 minute drive from my house. Luckily, I still made it here before my boss, so he was none the wiser.

Wednesday, October 12

Last night I had a dream that my boss handed me a tally sheet of exactly how much time I spent on the Internet and how many personal e-mails came into my work account.

It was a little too accurate.

Especially in the past couple of days since he has been away on business, I would barely classify the things I've done between the hours of 9(ish; it's hard to get to work on time these days!) to 5 as working.

Tuesday, October 11

And so it begins
My child is not even three months old and already he has his first fundraiser for school.
So, who wants to buy some frozen cookie dough?
*crickets chirp*

Monday, October 10

News ticker
There was an earthquake over the weekend?
Mudslides, too?

I swear, if it's not on Best Week Ever or The Soup, I don't know about it.
It sleeps two
The crib is all put together (with minimal four-letter words), the bedding is all in, and the Babe has spent two nights in it. Actually =since he was sick, he spent half the first night in the crib and then fussed every time he was put down, so he spent the second half of the night in his swing in the living room.

However, as with every new object that comes into the house, Domino seems to think that this crib belongs to him. Therefore, he has a very high, soft new bed. So the spray bottle has come out. And he's been sprayed several times.

So last night before going to bed, my husband decided to go in and check on the Bankster. Lo and behold, there were two sleeping babies in the crib...

Maybe my grandma was right about the whole "sucking the breath away" thing... I am going to keep this developement on the down low.

Friday, October 7

Chillin' in the crib
My crib came in!!! WOOOOOOT!

I ordered the crib back in the beginning of June, in what I thought was plenty of time to have PRIOR to the birth of my child. (July 18th for all keeping score at home).

Between now and then, the store has changed owners, and has also been sued by the state.

In fact, just yesterday, I filed a complaint with the state, as well, as I had reached my wit's end with the company. (Which shall remain nameless, but rhymes with USA Scabie.)

And so I was quite surprised when I came home yesterday and played the message on the answering machine saying that my crib had finally come in. They must have known that I was getting on the lawsuit bandwagon.

Now my son will have room to spread out, instead of being crammed into his bassinet. This will enable him to perfect the act of rolling onto his side, which he is slowly practicing. Once he gets the hang of it, WATCH OUT.

I'm so stoked that the baby's room isn't going to be a junk heap anymore. I'll post pics when it's done.

Tuesday, October 4

And now, presenting...

Wait for it, wait for it ...

Still waiting....

And waiting ...

And waiting...

Dum te dum...

La la la la ....


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That's right, it's the cutest baby picture EVER!
Thank you and good night.
Off the heezy fosheezy
I am laughing because in my junk mail, there are TWO message from a sender by the name of "I Pizzle." And Mr. I Pizzle is trying to hawk -- what else -- an I-Pod. But not just any old IPod, oh no. An IPod...


Am I the only one who thinks that "Nano" is a funny name? Nano-nano-boo-boo, my IPod is smaller than yours...