Friday, January 28

Blogger ate a rather long-winded post (a rarity from me) about my trip to the dietitian and how I freaked out when I had to stab myself with the needle. It also made a rather Beavis-like joke about a big prick. Huh huh.

However, I have moved on.

And I am wondering about something.

Have we, as a society, gotten so lazy that we watch people playing cards on television? I heard a radio commercial for Season 2 of the World Series of Blackjack, followed by Celebrity Blackjack, not to mention the poker craze that is sweeping the nation. I understand playing cards. It's fun. Watching other people play? Not so much. And spending an afternoon watching several hours of programming devoted to watching complete strangers play? No thanks.

Unless I'm missing something. Like the cards randomly light on fire while they are playing. Or if they play a certain sequence of cards, a dancing bear comes across the screen. No? OK. Then I still don't get it.

Thursday, January 27

Goodbye sugar, my old friend
Sugar, it's been nice knowin' ya. You and I had quite the love affair going on. I would sip you in soda, stir you into tea, and enjoy your sweetness in many, many other ways.

Today, it ends. The jig is up, as they say.

The report from the doctor today was that my sugar levels were abnormally high, and so it's off to the diabetic counselor for me. Fortunately, they believe that this is just gestational diabetes, rather than the full-blown type. I get to go on a "special" diet, and have been instructed to walk two miles a day, which means I have to, quite literally, dust off the treadmill this evening. Once I meet with the counselor, I get to test my blood sugar several times a day. Then, hopefully, my blood sugar will be regulated. If not, then I move to the insulin shots. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

There was a bright spot to my doctor's visit... I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. Super cool.

And, the BIG ultrasound is going to be on Feb. 25th, that's where we get to see whether I've got a he or a she growing inside of me!

Oh, and when I got to work, BOTH pregnant woman spots were taken. Remember my post from a couple days ago where I felt guilty about parking there? Well, I was pissed today when my primo spot was not available. Curse those other two bitches!

Wednesday, January 26

I've been scarce lately. Not only am I uber busy at work right now, but I've been having on and off dizzy spells. I go to the doctor tomorrow. I'm wondering if it's the same inner ear crapola that I had about six months ago. If so -- fantastic! Because I can't take anything for it!

Although, it could be anything. The initial wave of dizziness hit me when I was watching vh-1's special about the most awesomely weird show business families or something. They had just shown a picture of Donny Osmond, and I briefly flashed into childhood to recall that I had a Donny Osmond doll (a la Barbie's Ken). And then I realized that my ex-fiance looks kinda like a circa 1970's Donny. That's when my head started to spin.

Despite being busy and dizzy (hey, that rhymes!), I have been keeping up with American Idol. My favorite has definitely been Crunk guy from last night's show. Honestly, I consider myself to still be slightly in touch with the things the kids these days listen to, but are we sure that was English? They should have put him through. Because I'm positive that he would have won the whole competition.

Monday, January 24

To park, or not to park
Speaking of feeling like an a-hole, I'm having some issues with parking. I have, over the past week, begun to park in the "reserved for expectant mothers" spot at work. It's close to the building, and I can look out and see my car from my cubicle window.

However, I feel kind of guilty parking there. Yes, it's there for people like me. And I should take advantage of it.

I just feel like I am fully capable of walking a few extra steps, and it's just pure laziness for me to park in the pregnant person spot.

Although it did come in handy today when I arrived at work, fifteen minutes late, in my brand spankin' new Cute! As! Hell! shoes, and didn't want to get snow and slush on them.
I feel really bad.

I just looked in my wallet and realized that I didn't use the milk coupon that this little old lady gave me yesterday in the grocery store. She had her cart parked by the milk, and, well truth be told, was in my way, when she glanced at the gallon jug of 2% milk that I hoisted into my cart, and said, "I have a coupon for that, would you like it?"

Startled by the random act of kindness, I said, "Oh, that would be great!"

So I stood there while she rifled through her coupon organizer (it was one of those bellows file things that had little tabs and was alphabetized and everything) for the milk coupon. We were there a good minute or two while she searched.

And then I forgot to use it. I am an asshole.

Friday, January 21

Damage control
Damn, it is wayyyyyyyyyy too easy to shop for shit on Amazon. Last night I went there on a whim, I can't even remember what I was looking for -- oh yeah -- the Napoleon Dynamite soundtrack, which I was pleased to learn, contains several tons of dialogue tracks ("Do the chickens have large talons?"). I didn't order that, though.

I ordered some other stuff, and had several other things in the shopping cart (have you ever noticed that you never quite have enough in your cart for the Super Saver shipping? I am always $10 in merch away from it), but I weeded it down to a respectable amount and wishlisted the rest.

OH MAH GAWD I just realized that I have a button undone on my blouse ... thankfully I have a shirt on underneath, but, nonetheless.

That's OK, I've only seen my boss, two company presidents, and lord knows how many other people already today...

Wednesday, January 19

I just ate (drank) a Cup-a-Soup and It. Was. Dynamite.
Seriously. I think it is the best Cup-a-Soup I have ever eaten (drank).

This guy is my new hero. This is a little graphic design humor, but I think everyone will enjoy it nonetheless...

Tuesday, January 18

Better late than never
Today's birthday wishes go out to another fellow Capricorn... everyone's favorite Crazy Mamma, Tracie.

Meanwhile, don't forget -- American Idol starts tonight! Let's take a moment to reflect on some idols gone by ...

Yeah. Good times. There was Carmen's yodel/singing, Sideshow Bob's dance maneuvers, and a host of other craptacular performances. Even Mr. T pities the fools who suffered through these mutilated routines.
Signs of my impending mental instability
1. I have had crying jags during the past three consecutive episodes of The O.C.
2. I had an elaborate, desperate dream in which I frantically searched the aisles of a grocery store in search of Fruit Roll-Ups.
3. I have agreed to ride in the car for 2 1/2 hours with (among other people) Bad Lady.

Bring on the padded room!

Monday, January 17

More on birthdays
I was just out buying birthday cards (actually I needed to buy stamps, and the card store was the closest place I could think of, and so I decided to go there and buy birthday cards for people with upcoming birthdays, such as Incompetent but Likeable, whose is sometime in early February), and I noticed a trend.

It's hard enough to go card shopping. Most cards that are in the "humorous" section are either a) really stupid or b) really crass and tasteless. It's rare to find a card that dares to be cool, that you wouldn't be ashamed to give a friend, or a co-worker. And I'm not one for all the flowery, blubbery "friends are like wishes" crap that some of the cards have. Also, if a card has gold foil on it, I'm not buying it.

I really only had IBL's birthday to shop for today, plus I got a card for a co-worker who is leaving, but as I was looking, I found three or four other cards that I thought were pretty decent. I almost bought them all, but I don't have any major birthdays to cover in the next couple of months, so I decided not to.

You know what will happen, right? When I go back in a few months, all the cards will suck again. And thus, the principle of Birthday Cards Suck Until You're Not Looking For One.
And now, a moment of selfishness
My in-laws had a joint birthday party for my husband and I yesterday. It was like a freaking baby shower! Although they did get me the new Jon Stewart book, so I can't complain too much. But my lord. Enough with the baby stuff. It's still six months away!

It's my birthday, it should be about me.


First of all, happy birthday Margaret! Hope you, P, and Crazy Dog have a great day together.

Second of all, if you grew up in the 80's, or were in high school in the 80's, watch the movie Napoleon Dynamite. We rented it over the weekend and I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would.

Also, winning the award for "most graceful fall on one's ass" over the weekend? That would be me on Saturday morning. I'm coming down the stairs, and I had left our cordless phone on the stairs so I don't have to run all over creation to find it, and so I bent to pick up the phone ... and shuffled off to Buffalo. My foot flew out from underneath me, and I rode down the rest of the stairs on my butt. It was the strangest thing after that -- I swear I was semi-unconscious (is that possible?) for a minute because I was talking to my husband, who came running to see if I was ok, but I didn't feel like I was in control of my words. He tried to get me to move, but I couldn't. It was freaky. I thought for sure I had either broken a bone or -- god forbid -- that something would happen to the baby. Fortunately, all I have is a bunch of bruises.

And finally, if anyone else (besides Bad Lady) quits this week, I am going to have a nervous breakdown. Just be forewarned.

Sunday, January 16

Yet another real conversation that took place in my office
At the end of the day on Friday, I was in my boss' office with another co-worker, and we were half talking business, and half bullshitting. He gets a call from someone to whom he has been trying to send an e-mail all day, and the person still hasn't gotten it.

So, after that call, he dials our head of I.T. and tells him that he is having trouble sending this e-mail.

Boss: (to I.T. guy) An attachment? Yeah, there was an attachment, it was a ... (looks at me)
Me: JPG image.
Boss: (cups hand over phone) Are you screwing with me?
Me: What?!? No.
Boss: OK, then. (to I.T. guy) A JPG midget?

I had to leave the room as tears were streaming down my face from laughing too hard.

Friday, January 14

Johnny on the spot
Driving back from lunch, I found myself in traffic behind a truck carrying a load (heh) of port-o-potties. They were facing outward, toward me. Like, one wrong move and those puppies were hood ornaments on my Corolla.

Now I don't know about you, but when faced with such a situation, I decided the best thing was to give plenty of space between myself and the port-o-johns.

How bad would it suck to have your job be to transport portable toilets from one place to another? It made me appreciate my little messed-up office and its silly drama just a little bit today.

I'm over it now, though.
My money's on Willard
The Survivor cast has been released. Check them out here.
Lots of beautiful people this time. And... bonus points if you spot the gay man!

Thursday, January 13

Cool Club
This day has already gotten off to a rollicking good start.
Incompetent but Likeable came over to say good morning.
As he left, he gestured wildly and said, "Hey! Hey! Red shirt and khaki pants!"
Yes, he and I are color coordinated today.
Things could be a lot worse, I suppose.

Wednesday, January 12

Pucker up
My husband and I were sitting over wings 'n' beer and wings 'n' Sprite last night, having a discussion about the state of the popular music industry and how it's gone into the crapper (one of our favorite topics).

I said, "I just realized the other day that I can't even listen to KISS anymore."
He gave me a puzzled look. "You mean you listened to KISS before?"
"Yeah," I said, "Every now and then I'd put it on in the car. But I can't even relate to it anymore."

A long pause.

Then he says, "I mean, some of their more popular songs that they play, like... I don't know. Name one for me."

"Um... Nelly 'Hot in Herre?'" I say.

The lightbulb goes off.

"OH!" he says. "You're talking about KISS the radio station!"

Rather than the makeup-wearing, long tongue-having, Gene Simmons-led band. Here he thought he had married a closet metalhead.

ADDENDUM FOR TVJ: Because I can't get into comments, I'll answer your question here. Yes, I think it's the same, or at least similar. Although we don't have Seacrest in the mornings, we have Valentine. I think he's a Seacrest wannabe. Anyway, they pipe him in from L.A. or god knows where. I'm willing to bet that our KISS is a complete knockoff of your KIIS.

Tuesday, January 11

First Screech. Then Bad-Lady-in-Waiting (her last day is friday).
Who will complete the trifecta?
Something is a-brewin'... I just got wind of it...
I hate surprises.
*keeps fingers crossed that it is Bad Lady herself...*

I'll keep you posted.

UPDATE: No dice. It's not her. I'll never be rid of her!!!!!!!! NEVER!
The birthday festivities continue...
Happy 31st birthday to a man who has long since abandoned trying to keep up with this blog, or keeping a blog of his own, my husband Owen.

I consider myself pretty lucky to have found someone who cooks dinner almost every night, and who will occasionally, of his own volition, clean the bathroom. (Lord knows I haven't cleaned it in... well, let's just say that the Olsen twins were still on "Full House".)

Anyway, to properly celebrate, we're going out for wings and beer (him) and wings and Sprite (me) tonight. Do we know how to party or what?

Monday, January 10

As promised...

Here is a photo of my birthday stuff. I'm afraid to bust the Crazy Cat Lady out of her box but it may be done later.
Thoughts on "24"
It's a brand new season of 24, and Jack Bauer has already:
  • broken CTU protocol
  • shot someone
  • gone off and screamed in someone's face
  • done all of the above in the same scene

So far, so good.

Go me, it's my birthday
I turn 29 today. Twenty nine.
My mom was 29 when she had me, and I'll be 29 when I have my baby.
I also remember, growing up, that my grandmother never gave out her true age. She always said that she was 29.

So I have a feeling that this is going to be a special year for me.

It's already started out special. Jonesy surprised me with the Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure that I referenced back on December 9. Perhaps I'll pose it on my desk and take pics later.

Friday, January 7

This is gonna be cool.

My friend Ann e-mailed me this article, which appeared in her local newspaper today:

Census Lists Renamed Lake As 'Butthead'
LAKE STEVENS, Wash. (AP) -- Someone in the Census Bureau
may be watching a little too much MTV. Bevis Lake, a
5.7-acre body of water in a forested area about 25 miles
northeast of Seattle, is now appearing in Bureau records
with a different name: Butthead Lake.
Those two names - Bevis and Butthead - are almost identical
to the 1990s MTV cartoon show "Beavis and Butt-head," which
featured a pair of slacker teenagers who watch music videos
and make bad jokes.
Someone at the Census Bureau must have gotten bored and
made a joke out of naming the lake, said Ken Brown, a land
surveyor with the state Department of Natural Resources.
"It's got to be," he said.

It's not unusual for small lakes in out-of-the-way places
to have different names because of variations in county,
state or other official records, but there are no such
indications in this case, Brown said.
"That means someone is playing a joke, I think," Brown

Tuesday, January 4

My #1 pick for a baby girl's name didn't even make the top 100 names as rated by I'm not into the trendy girls' names. Still, I like the name I have picked out for my possible daughter. (Notice that #1: I am saying "I" picked the name. A recent discussion of baby names between my husband and I involved me saying, "How about ____?" and him saying, "Let me test it out. _____, cut the grass! Works fine for me!" And #2, I'm not telling you the names I've picked because they are subject to change and because I want to play that way, nyah nyah nyah boo boo.)

However, BOTH my boys' names are on the boy's list. One is in the top 20, and one is in the top 30. And I actually like quite a few of the top boys' names. But a few have already been boycotted, for various reasons.

First, there was Austin.

"AS IN POWERS?" my friend Amy said.

Yeah, baby. Scratch Austin.

Then my husband came up with "Shelby" for a girl. To me, Shelby is a Golden Retriever. That got nixed.

Brian was one of my favorite boy's names, but my husband has a cousin named Brian who isn't all entirely right in the head, so it just didn't seem appropriate.

Nor was naming a girl Lisa (after my husband's bitchy aunt).

I know that everyone wants a name that they can grab onto, monogram into little whosiwhatsits, tell everyone in the free world that their grandchild is going to be named ____. For some reason I feel that it's a more private thing between my husband and I, until we know for sure what we're having.

So I've taken to telling people, when they ask, that if it's a girl, she will be named Ethel, and a boy will be named Melvin.

And I don't tell them that I'm joking.
I said, good day
I got nothin' today.
I had this post all drafted about Wilmer Valderamma and how I thought that that was such a funny name, that it sounded more like an event that one would attend at the local county fair, right after the motocross.
But then I decided that no one except me would think that was funny.

Well, maybe one or two of you would think it was funny in a "chuckle chuckle" kind of way. I was envisioning people trying to come up with sentences using Wilmer Valderamma as some kind of new adjective, verb, or sexual innuendo.

In other news, Lionel Ritchie "Hello" is on Bad Lady's radio.

Sunday, January 2

Long weekend
For as much whining as I did on Friday, I will try not to rub it in that I have the day off tomorrow.

Had a good weekend, we removed all traces of Christmas from the house, so everything is back where it belongs. This really pleases the Rainman side of me that likes everything in its place.

I have some more shopping to do tomorrow, I have some gift certificates to burn. One is Bath and Body Works, of which I need more like I need a hole in the head, but they're having a SALE!!!!!!!!! *googly eyes*

I went to Borders today armed with a gift certificate and of course ended up spending more money than was on the gift card. By, like, twice the amount. Oops. I had to buy a 2005 calendar, which was interesting because the pickin's were slim. I almost bought the University of Michigan football calendar just to piss off my husband, but since they lost the Rose Bowl, I figured there was no reason to be a cocky Wolverine fan today. I was also tempted by the LeBron James calendar, but who in the hell wants to look at LeBron for 12 months? Curiously enough, my Borders also was selling Detroit Tigers and Detroit Lions calendars. Look, I know we're close to Lake Erie, but I don't know any Lions OR Tigers fans this side of Toledo. Odd.

Then there was the Sopranos calendar, which was tempting. But irrelevant.

The Lizzie McGuire calendar was, like, sooooooo cute, but, like, it's so five minutes ago. Ya know? *twirls hair*

In the end, I bought a vintage travel poster calendar. Which, incidentally, was the same calendar motif we had last year. Tres boring.

I also may have purchased a couple of other books. For instance, the Tom Wolfe book that I regifted to my sister-in-law -- I got myself a new copy. (Mum's the word on that one, btw). And I also got The Curious Incident of the Dog in Night-time, which the friendly cash register lady told me was very good.

I'll get around to reading those as soon as I clear out my current reading list: What To Expect When You're Expecting, The Hip Mama Survival Guide, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, et. al. I think I was reading an actual novel, too, but I can't figure out where it went to.