Wednesday, March 30

Just 'cuz, that's why
My husband asks me last night, "What's the difference between body cream and body lotion?"
So I try my best to explain that body cream (and we're talking about Bath and Body Works products, here) is thicker, and in most cases, stronger smelling, and that the lotion is smoother and not as strong scented.

Then came the million dollar question, to which I had no answer: "Why do you need both?"

Monday, March 28

State of the pregnancy: month five
Things are rolling right along in Doodle Land. He's a kicking, punching little nubbin of a child, all of 1 1/2 pounds big at the moment. He has all of his fingers and toes, which he wiggles and waves. And, inexplicably, from the ultrasound pictures that I have of his little face, both my mother-in-law and her mother (my grandmother-in-law?) said he looks like me. I'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment or not at this point, as he looks like a small, skeletal monster to me.

We have decided on a first name, but due to a quirk or perhaps to superstition, I refuse to refer to him by that name, probably until he's born. I call him instead by many other names. "Little guy" is one; Doodle is another (although that doesn't leave the confines of this blog). His working name is Doodle Schmedlap I. Middle name is pending. That may actually be my next poll.

As far as how I'm doing -- does anyone still care? -- well, I'm doing allright. My sugar is regulated through diet at the moment, and although my doctor keeps threatening to put me on insulin, I've eluded that dreaded day so far. (Today I ate a marshmallow egg. It's Easter! I think Jesus would have wanted me to.)

I thought that food cravings were over in the first trimester, but here it is, almost the sixth month of my pregnancy, and I'm craving all kinds of stuff. Most of it is food that I'm not allowed to eat due to the diabetes, such as ice cream, Oreo cookies, and other junk food. But the number one item I'm craving lately is milk. I could drink gallons of it! I've gotten up in the middle of the night just to drink a glass of it. I seriously go through about a gallon and a half a week, just by myself. I guess I'm drinking it to ready myself for producing it? Oh, and speaking of that, the milk factory hasn't really kicked into gear yet, but my husband has already started to referring to my "teat" -- which makes me feel about as sexy as a dead mackerel.

I have given up on "What To Expect When You're Expecting." That book, while informative, also scares the crap out of me. I read the "five months" chapter this weekend, and on Saturday night, I was terrified to sleep. I normally sleep on my back and then eventually roll over to my right side. Well, apparently the LEFT side is the proper side for sleeping on. All other sleeping positions either squish vital organs (his or mine, I'm not sure) or slow his heart rate down considerably. So then I'm up worrying about that all night. Thanks.

Also, the whole childbirth thing. I want to know the basics. What I don't want to know is everything else that could possibly happen and/or go wrong. I don't need to worry about that in addition to the myriad of other things I have on my plate at the moment!

Overall, I'm doing well though. I still, at five plus months of pregnancy, weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy, so that's a good thing. And all indications are that Doodle Schmedlap I is developing according to schedule, so that's an even better thing.

Wednesday, March 23

We have a weiner
OK, now I know that I am judging a book by its cover here, BUT:

My question of the day is this. What ideas were rejected before Fox said yes to the new series "Life on a Stick," which is seemingly about people who work in a hot dog store? The show is set to premiere tonight. I can safely say that I won't be watching.


Tuesday, March 22

Well, he's done it again. This goes up there with getting stuck in the elevator twice, hitting one of our VPs with a gigantic divot at the company golf outing, shooting himself in the eye with a rubber band, and showing off his tai-chi moves in front of my boss' office when my boss was with a client.

Today, IBL ate New Girl #1's lunch. Both were in brown bags, so he must have grabbed the wrong one. But, IBL has the same lunch every day. His wife packs it for him. So you'd think he would have noticed that his lunch was a little different. He did, but thought that his wife had made the mistake. It didn't occur to him that maybe the mistake was on his end.

It all ended up ok, because me, NG1, and another co-worker went to Chipotle and got burrito bols. Of course, mine was bereft of rice, but it was still yummy.
Dear CVS Pharmacy,
It would be really helpful if, the next time I came in, you could be a little quicker with getting my prescription ready. Because, in the 25 minutes it took you to put a bottle of vitamins in a bag, I...
  • Scoped the sugar-free candy aisle. Sugar-free Creme Saver anyone? They are kind of chocolatey. *horks*
  • Snagged a lipstick that I definitely didn't need. I have enough Clinique free sample shit to last a small lifetime.
  • In the process of scoping out the lipstick, saw a ginormous bin of "clearance" beauty items. After fishing through the bin, I came up with THREE shades of nail polish that weren't too hideous. Because the 5234212 bottles of nail polish I have at home just weren't enough.
  • Speaking of nail polish, they had O.P.I. there! Score! I picked up a bottle of that, as well.
  • Tortured myself by circling back to the candy area, and checked out all the Easter candy that I won't be eating this year. Do you think they make sugar free Peeps?
  • Got the only useful item of the whole shopping trip: a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. We ran out several months ago and it's always good to have around the house.

I know that every extra minute I spend in your store results in more profits for you, but I think we can work together for a better solution. Let me know your thoughts.



Monday, March 21

Fun with the digital camera
OK, so I still haven't taken the time to learn how to work the digital camera, but fortunately, my husband has. Here are a couple of shots I thought I'd share with you:

First, the infamous Domino:
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And look! Crocuses! Crocii! In our backyard! This past weekend!

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Missing: one Sharpie.
Looks kind of like this:

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Last seen Friday, approximately 4 p.m. standard time, on my desk.

Quite honestly, I have no hope of finding it. My desk looks like fifteen bombs have gone off.
Oh mama
This weekend, my mom and I had little bonding excursion. Destination? Maternity clothes-o-rama. I'm at that stage in my pregnancy where I'm not quite into the full maternity gear, but I do need a few key pieces to work in to my wardrobe.

The store we went to had three mini-stores all wrapped into one fun package. There was the upscale clothing store, the mid-range clothing, and the low-end stuff. We, and most everyone else, which included every pregnant woman in northeast Ohio and her mother, were in the mid-range section. However, since all 89 of us were hovering over two racks of clothes, I decided to venture into the other areas of the store to see what they had to offer. Here are my findings:

Upscale clothing section
Features: $150 jeans (and ugly ones at that) and Paris Hiltonesque frilly frou frou short short skirts. Tiny tops for tiny pregnant people.

Low-end clothing section
Features: Tops that can only be described as "frocks" in a variety of colors found under your local big top and usually modeled by someone named BoBo or Chuckles.

So I ended up back in the mid-range area, and made out pretty well with two pairs of not-too-hideous slacks, a jacket, two blouses and a t-shirt.

While I was in the dressing room, I noticed they had a velcro strap-on stomach that you could use to project what you will look like with a full pregnant belly. I declined to use it on the grounds that it was skeevy.

Then, just on a whim, I decided to look at the maternity bras. Too scary. I couldn't deal with it.

All in all, a harrowing experience, to be sure. I'm not sure who was more exhausted by the end of it -- my mom or me.

At least it's over. I don't have to go back. Until the era of Doodle the Second, that is...

Wednesday, March 16

I.D. #18294039-2
I often poke fun at my husband for doing or saying something nerdy, such as geeking out on an episode of Star Trek: Next Gen or telling me about a dream he had in which he calculated the angles of an isosceles triangle. I tell him that he is showing his Nerd I.D. card.

But I have a deep, dark secret that I have been trying to hide for a long, long time.

I, too, am a nerd.

My Nerd I.D. card was scanned and read during my presentation, thus outing me to the people from whom I most want to protect my nerd-dom.

During the show, I was linked, via headsets, to all of my co-workers who were involved in the show, my boss, and the techie guys from our staging company who were working the lights, audio, cameras, etc.

One of the awards that was given out for the show is for offices that meet their objectives during the year. Usually our offices go all out if they know they are getting the award by wearing hats or buttons or costumes of some sort. This year was no exception. One office, upon receiving the award, brandished glow-in-the-dark lightsabers and formed a sort of lightsaber gauntlet that their office manager had to walk through.

Once she got through the gauntlet, one of the lightsaber-bearing people, who happened to be an African-American male, escorted her to the stage.

Over the headsets, one techie asked, "Who's that guy?"
And another techie responded, "I think it's Mace Windu."
And I let out a hearty, "HA!"

Mace Windu, pictured below, is a Jedi played by Samuel L. Jackson in the new Star Wars movies. Did YOU know that? No, why would you? You may have known that Sam Jackson was in the Star Wars movies, but probably didn't know his character's name. Yeah. Well, I did.

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It probably went over my co-workers' heads, because no one said anything to me about it. But the techies now know that I, a chick, not only understood their obscure Star Wars reference, but that I laughed at it. I can barely live down the shame. So the next time I rip on my spouse for his nerdiness, I'll have to remember my moment of nerd glory.

Tuesday, March 15

Sign of the cross
So, how 'bout my mom?
I'm just talking to her, and I tell her that I'm going to the Cavs game tonight.
She asks, "Are you going to do the Usher hand signal thing?"
She refers to this:

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Usher, who is one of the new part-owners of LeBron and the boys, was featured above the fold on the front page of today's Plain Dealer, demonstrating the new "Go Cavs" hand signal.

I told my mom that I'd wait and see if the urge struck me.
Idiot proof
During lunch today I noticed a warning on my bag of Cheddar Cheese Quakes, which are Quaker brand mini rice cakes that if you pretend really, really hard, kind of taste like Cheetos. The warning was this: "Do not put in toaster or microwave."

Now you KNOW some idiot had to have done this for them to have to put a warning on it. My question is... what happened? Now I'm kind of curious. Did the rice cake explode into smithereens? Did it inflate to giant size as a Peep (ah, 'tis almost that time, you know) would?

Puzzling. I almost want to try it. But then, if I destroy my microwave, I'll have no one to blame but myself. I was warned, after all.
The nose knows
Last Thursday, as I am getting ready to leave for the hotel, Incompetent but Likeable comes over to my desk and says, "Good news, Kath! I got a nosebleed today."
"How is that good news?" I ask.
"Well, I only get nosebleeds when the seasons change. I get one when the season changes from fall to winter, and I get another one when it changes from winter to spring. So spring must be coming!"
"Oh, OK," I say.

On Friday, at the reception after the meeting, the crowd parts like the Red Sea and IBL comes charging through, his hand clutching his nose. "I got another one, Kath," he says as he passes by.

I can almost hear the birds chirping and see the flowers blooming now.

Monday, March 14

Bad Lady Quote of the Week
At our presentation on Friday, BL was sitting with New Girl #1. One of our office managers came up and was talking to our boss. NG1 asked BL what the person's name was. BL responded, "Oh, that's _____. She's a real bitch." NG1 said, "Really? Well, who of the managers do you like working with?"

BL's response: "None of them. They're all bitches."

And hence she continues to live up to her name.
Hunka hunka burnin love
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Here's me (right), a coworker, and Elvis. This was the aftermath of my presentation on Friday, which, by the way, went swimmingly!

But it also has provided me with about a week's worth of blog fodder. So I'll go slow rather than vomit out a rapid succession of posts. I want you to savor each one.

In any case, we have much more important matters to attend to. Mario dropped out of American Idol? What the &#$#*(!@!!?

Wednesday, March 9

Days until major presentation #2: 2 (but I'm leaving tomorrow to go to the hotel to wait and wait and wait for the torture to finally end)
Current blood sugar: oh, was I supposed to check that today?
Stress level: surprisingly, not too bad
Odds that BL will screw something up at aforementioned presentation: I'd bet my years' salary on it
Odds that I will have to quash the urge to deal physical damage to BL sometime over the next 48 hours: come on, do I even need to answer this?
Purchases made on I-Tunes today: one. Josh Rouse's new CD, Nashville.
Predictions for tonight's AI boots: Janay, Linsday, Scott (sorry homedawg), and Travis.

Monday, March 7

First of all, it's my kitty, Dom's, birthday today. He is three. In cat years I'm not sure how old that makes him, but he's still my baby. For his birthday, I gave him the plastic milk jug ring off a new gallon of milk this morning, and that will about do it. I'm sure a few treats might come his way later on this evening.

Progress was made in the baby Doodle's nursery this weekend. I was in my new favorite store, which is a place I never thought I would set foot in -- Burlington Coat Factory. Who knew they had all kinds of other shit in there? I needed a new dress coat for work, and wanted a cheap one, and then I saw the huge baby section and made a beeline. I scored some really cute decorative stuff, as well as some onesies and some washclothes and some other things that were on sale.

I got curtains at Tarjay, on clearance no less, and put those up in the room. So it's starting to come together! Now we just need all the furniture and Doodle will be arriving in style.

I'll take a picture of the progress once I locate and learn to operate our new digital camera. I promise.

Friday, March 4

News of the weird
Lobster, anyone?

Here, kitty kitty

Tanqueray and Tonic is my personal fave

That's gotta be some stank!
What's wrong with this picture?

I found this photo on MSN in their Survivor article. See anything, um, odd about it?
Hint: there is more where there was once less.

Thursday, March 3

Curse you, Blogger
Another fine post eaten by the Blogger monster. It contained the word "whilst" and everything. Its main purpose was to tell you some interesting things that I gleaned from People magazine last night while sitting in the hair salon with tinfoil on my head (this is the point in the eaten post where I told anyone who was thinking that a pregnant woman shouldn't have her hair colored could go pound salt).

Here is what I learned from People, re: the American Idol contestants:

-Bo Bice's real name is Harold.
-Nikko Smith's dad is baseball Hall of Famer Ozzie Smith.
-Amanda Avila once sang backup for Smokey Robinson, and also went to high school with Josh Groban.

There, aren't you glad that you know these little nuggets?

I'm not too sad that we said so long to Celena, and aloha to, well, Aloha. I thought Janay "Hit Em Up Style" Castine was a goner, but, what the hell do I know. The guys who left were my picks to leave, as well.

Got to hear baby Doodle's hearbeat this morning, the poor little fella had the hiccups. I thought it was cute though.

Tuesday, March 1

In like a lion
The snow came, and has decided to stay for a while. But still, no one can tell us how much accumulation to expect. I had a shit ton of snow on the car (that's a technical term) this morning, but the roads were fine. I was expecting a slip 'n' slide ride to work. But I got here only nine minutes late, which is pretty good for me. I was surprised to see BL here, because her new policy is that if one flake of snow falls, she either shows up at 11:30 (or thereabouts) or doesn't come in at all.

Well, I was firmly in the Constantine camp until last night, and now I'm a believer in Bo Bice. But my favorite, I would have to say, is Anwar. I am predicting that Joe and that other dreadlock guy will probably go home, or perhaps my Cleveland boy Scott. As a whole I dislike the girls, particularly that annoying Brooklyn girl.

Last night I had a dream that I was in a candy store asking for sugar-free candy, and there was only one little bag of candy in the store and myself and another girl almost got into fisticuffs over it. I think this dream is representative of my much larger, real-life issue, which is, god dammit, I want some freaking sugar and carbs, and I want it NOW!

Hence, I have decided that after I have this baby, and I get the "all-clear" from my doctor, I'm going on a huge sugar binge which will include at least a quart of chocolate ice cream, an entire package of Oreos, a bag of Skittles, and then onto the carbs -- a medley of chips, Doritoes, Fritos, or anything else that gets in my path.

Yeah, I'll probably keel over dead afterward, but it will be, like, sooooooo worth it.