Looks like crap, smells like crap... must be crap
I am working on a punk-ass, bitch-ass, crap-ass brochure for a client. Have I mentioned before that my clients are all realtors? Well, I think I should at this point because this particular realtor went to some seminar given by the Dr. Phil of real estate, and now thinks that a personal brochure is going to be the panacea for bad business. To add insult to injury, Dr. Phil gave her a formulaic sample brochure and she wants the exact same thing. Well for starters, the cover of Dr. Phil's brochure features a gigundo Phil, smiling like a psycho killer, wearing the loudest, ugliest tie known to man. My realtor, hmm, how to put this delicately... looks like a horse. And blowing up the photo to XXXXL won't do the woman justice, and it certainly won't get her business. Ok. So I successfully talked her out of the large photo, even though Dr. Phil swears this is the most effective layout for a brochure.

The other problem is that Dr. Phil's brochure is entirely devoid of graphics, save for his gargantuan mugshot and two other bite-sized mugs on the interior flaps. Now. I am of the opinion that no one needs three photos of themself on a brochure. Enter problem #2. My realtor has gotten a photo shoot done but they are all variations of the same pose. Dr. Phil is on the phone, Dr. Phil is in front of his computer, Dr. Phil is standing behind his "SOLD!" sign. My realtor pretty much just has headshots. Ok. So I negotiate a photo substitution.

The third problem is that Dr. Phil wants you to cram every single accomplishment you've ever had in your life, significant to real estate or not, into the already-crammed brochure. Maybe if we lose some of the photos. Ok, my realtor says, you're the designer.

So what I'm left with is a mess. I think Dr. Phil is full of shit, but I don't want to tell her that she just spent $800 on a complete waste of time. That is my conundrum du jour.

I'm sure by noon it will be something else.