Thursday, September 30

Great moments in Sketch Factor History, part the first
Ok, so I lied. I will actually post a few gems from the past of this blog. This one, originally appearing October 15, 2003, was the first mention of Bad Lady in my blog, before she was dubbed by aforementioned appellation (look it up, it's a word, I swear!) ...:

Pop Quiz: Are you a good co-worker?
1. Your print job has caused a paper jam in the printer. Do you:
a) Identify where the jam is, fix the jam, and make sure the printer is back online?
b) Notice that you have jammed the printer, ask someone to help you who knows what they are doing?
c) Half-assedly stand by the printer for a minute staring at it, then go back to your desk without saying anything to anyone?

2. You've used the last tea bag at the coffee station. Do you:
a) Open the cupboard, grab a handful of tea bags, and refill the tea bag tray?
b) Put one tea bag back so the next sucker who comes to get tea has to do it?
c) Do nothing; it's not your job to refill tea bags?

3. Your 16 year old son has come home sick from school with a fever. You:
a) Call him and see how he's doing.
b) Leave a few minutes early so you can pick up some chicken noodle soup at the store.
c) Leave at 2:30 in a panic because he hasn't called you and it's been a half hour since you last talked to him.

4. At 3 in the afternoon, you realize you forgot to get gas in your car. You:
a) Write yourself a note to get gas on the way home from work.
b) Leave a few minutes early to beat the rush and get to the gas station.
c) Leave the office at 3 to refill gas tank so you can leave right at 5 and not be stuck in traffic.

5. How would you desrcibe the amount of personal calls you get in one day? You:
a) Try to limit personal calls at work -- you're not being paid to gab with friends and family!
b) Make a couple personal calls a day.
c) Lose count after about 8:45 a.m.

SCORING: Give yourself 1 point for every time you answered A. Two points for B. Three points for C.
5 points: You are the model co-worker. You're right on top of things!
6-14 points: Check yourself before you wreck yourself. You need to sharpen those office skills!
15 points: You are MY co-worker. Die.

And here's one, dated October 21st:

A Day in the Life of a Graphic Designer (Conversations I've Had With Actual Clients)
1. On going over changes with a client, I still needed a replacement photo that she was to provide. "Well," she said, "You may as well wait to make the other changes until you have the photo so you're not printing out two sets of proofs." I agreed that that made sense. Two days later... the client calls. "So, have you made those changes yet?" Uh, no, because I was waiting for your photo. Sheesh.

2. After showing a particularly picky client numerous color proofs, including off two different printers, her own printer, and showing it to her on screen, AND giving her the color values of the solid colors used in her brochure, she calls me from a press proof (she has family in the printing business which complicates the matter ten-fold) and says that the brown I chose is "too chocolate" and that she "doesn't like it after all." What do you want me to do about it now?

3. Client to Kat: "I really like this logo you designed, but you left off the second 'f' in 'professional'." Oh. My bad.

And thus, it is my conclusion that the stupid people on this earth vastly outnumber the smart'uns.

The debut of Incompetent But Likeable appears in this post, on Oct 22, 2003:

Incompetent But Likeable, Computer-Illiterate Guy is wearing two different-colored socks today. He has not, as of yet, asked me how to e-mail an attachment, but the day is young. I don't think the challenge has presented itself to him yet. Oh, but it will, but it will.

The first sign that my cat Domino has mental issues appeared October 28:

This morning, Domino dragged a large garbage bag full of clothes that I am going to donate to Goodwill, from the spare bedroom and into the living room, where he proceeded to tear holes in it. But how a 12 pound cat has the strength to drag a 30-or 40 pound bag of clothes that distance is beyond me.

I share some life lessons on November 1st, 2003:

Lessons learned today
Under any circumstances, even if it looks like the most delicious thing in the world, DO NOT eat onion loaf.

If cat bites your arm, pull it away. You will not win in a battle of the wills. Cat is like pirhana and will not let go no matter what, and in fact, will bite harder the longer you don't move your arm.

I realize I'm not hamster material on Nov. 2:

My peanut butter and jelly sandwich is not satisfying. That settles it, I could never be on Big Brother.

I like to share with all of you from time to time about what snacks I'm eating, and I just love me some Toast-Chee. (Nov 18, 2003):

I was about to forge into my wallet to see if I had correct change for the vending machine. Then I remembered that I had Toast-Chee in my desk. I don't know if this is a local delicacy, or if it's a nationwide phenomenon. Toast-Chee, manufactured by Lance, Inc., is a peanut butter and traffic cone orange cracker sandwich. It comes in convenient six packs for snacking. So that is what I'm dining on right now. Toast-Chee. It's fun to write, too. And I believe there's another kind of cracker sandwich called "Nip Chee" that is cheese and crackers. Maybe there's a couple more, but I am not familiar with them.

Office supplies are the topic of this post which I found amusing, way back on November 20th, 2003:

Have you ever found a pen, maybe in the copy room, maybe someone left it on your desk, maybe on the ground, and it's a really cool pen? That pen becomes yours by the unwritten rule of finders keepers, losers weepers.

Why is it that, that pen, always ends up getting lost or someone else takes it? What's the saying, it was never yours to begin with? I think it's that whole "love something set it free" thing. Anyway, it's just a pen. I should get over it.

But I think Incompetent but Likeable ganked it.

This year, it would have been Jase (Nov. 23, 2003):

So, I'm at this party last night. And all these scientific types are there. They're saying words like "neurotransmitter" and I'm feeling incredibly out of place and stupid. While we're all sitting around eating pasta salad, one girl nonchalantly tells us all, "I decapitated like, 5 hamsters yesterday."

Um. Excuse me?

Yep. She wasn't bluffin'. She does some kind of research on Hamster brains. And they have to use live hamsters for the experiments because apparently they need to study a certain part of the brain that shuts down after death. Gross huh?

Meanwhile, I'm grossed out, but at the same time, I'm sitting there thinking, heh, hamster brains. I'm picturing Jee with his head in a guillotine. Maybe that's wrong of me. But oh well.

It was a disturbing conversation nonetheless. I'd like to believe that that stuff doesn't actually happen. But yeah, it does.

That concludes the first part of this look back in SF history, if I get time today I may post more snippets. Because you know you want more! MORE!!!!!!!


TVJ said...

Yes! More! More! I loooooove looking back at the SF history. Thanks for the giggles this morning.


GreenTuna said...

This was awesome!! I'll join the crowd and say, "Yeess, MORE!" but then I sound like I should be on the set of a porno film or something. But seriously, keep 'em coming. No, wait.... (but please do!)