Monday, March 29

A lesson in potty etiquette
For lack of anything better to blog about, I thought I'd take further opportunity to discuss toilet partitions, since I obviously did something to make the blogger banner god think that my readers would be interested in such a topic. You are, right?

Public restrooms are tricky. There are certain ones I won't even venture into. Bars are always a crap shoot. If I'm at a bar, I try not to use them. Inevitably the floors are sticky, for reasons unknown, and the walls are covered in uplifting graffiti, with messages such as "Janie is a slut!" Or "I love Rob M. 4ever!" If you're lucky, the lock on the toilet stall will be operational. Otherwise, you have to do the "sit forward, hold the door closed with one hand" maneuver.

McDonald's is another tricky one. Usually, if I'm contemplating using the McDonald's restroom, it's because I'm like millions of other Americans who do so when on long trips with no rest stops in sight. And only then, I'll go if I'm desperate.

In the restroom at work, if I'm in the stall, don't talk to me. It's just weird. It's weird when people talk between stalls. Talk to me at the sink, but don't try and ask me about postcards when I'm peeing. I'd appreciate those few seconds of semi-privacy, thank you. (And please, wash your hands. With soap. I'm always surprised how many people don't. And it's never who you expect. I witnessed an upper eschelon manager, on numerous occasions, do a cursory running of her hands under the faucet, but never use any soap. Thankfully she doesn't work here anymore, because it would always skeeve me out and I'd try and leave the restroom before her so I didn't have to touch the doorknob after her germ infested fingers gripped it.)

If the first stall is occupied, and there are four stalls total, which stall do you go to? I go to the third. Gotta keep a respectable distance. I think the same rule applies at urinals, but I'm not sure. The fourth stall is a handicapped stall, but for some reason, the only people I ever see using it are the really skinny people. I'm not sure what to make of that. Do you?

This concludes my thoughts on restrooms and toilet partitions. Although we'll probably be seeing those banners for some time to come now. Quick! Pick a topic!

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