Phat Tuesday
Don't forget to eat your paczki today! A paczki, if you have to ask, is pronounced "pooonchkee" and is basically the largest, most dense, sticky filled donut you've ever seen. Legend has it that bakeries, in preparation for the Lenten season, would get rid of all of their fattening stuff by creating the gargantuan paczki and sell them to those about to give up sweets for the 40-day Christian period of giving stuff up.

Also in vogue today is flashing your breasts, if you have them, and if you are not being filmed by CBS. Certain types of flashing will net you a pair of cheap plastic beads that you can wear around your neck as a bold statement to everyone that says, "Hey, I flashed my boobies, you got a problem wit'dat?"

I ate my paczki on Sunday, when my husband's family put on an amazing display of calorie chowing. I could barely choke down one. My husband dutifully ate two, but my sister-in-law put the hurt on three.

I don't have any plans thus far to flash for beads. The day is young, though.