Danger Pilates
Last night I invented a new form of Pilates that I'm hoping will make me millions. It's known as "Danger Pilates." The basic premise is, you buy a set of Pilates DVDs, do the exercises as instructed, but have a cat attacking you while you do them. I think this trend will catch on and become the next big craze in the fitness world. And remember, you heard about it here first with me.

Here's how it works. One move, called the "Roll Up," requires you to lay flat, arms above your head, and slowly bring yourself up into a sitting position with your arms. While sitting, your cat must plant himself underneath you so that when you go to lay back down, the cat becomes enraged and bites your hair. This will burn additional calories and build lean muscle!

The next move, the real name of which escapes me, so I'll just call it the "Rolly Ball" move, requires you to hug your knees together and rock back and forth. Again, this move is enhanced if your cat runs behind you and attempts to bite you every time you rock back, giving you the sculpted body you've always wanted!

A third move requires you to lay on your back, arms flat at your sides, one knee bent, the other leg straight in the air. You pick up your head and lift your arms up and down really fast. The role of the cat in this move is to go underneath your bent leg and attempt to claw and/or bite your hand as you are lifting.

If you are interested in the "Danger Pilates" workout system, please send me $100,000 plus $4.95 shipping and handling and you, too, can have the sculpted, toned body you've been dreaming about!