Batten down the hatches
SCENE: The interior of a large control room. Each wall is covered with large control panels with large monitors and many buttons.

Many RANDOM GUYS are seated around the control panels, turning dials and staring intently at the monitors.

THE CAPTAIN enters.

CAPTAIN: I'd like everyone's attention please. Everyone? I've just had a rather ... disturbing report.

The RANDOM GUYS shift uncomfortably in their seats.

CAPTAIN: As you all know, we have been monitoring Kat's mood in the past few weeks and trying to regulate it. We've been successful thus far, but --

(The camera pans to a close-up of the face of RANDOM GUY #1, who appears both frightened and pensive.)

CAPTAIN: This could change everything. (close-up of captain's face, with a grave expession. He pauses for several seconds.) I've just learned that Kat's 10 year high school reunion is next month.

RANDOM GUY #1: Sir, should I press the panic button?

CAPTAIN: Not yet. Let's see how she takes the news.

RANDOM GUY #2 has a large bottle of pills. He downs the entire bottle and goes into convulsions for several seconds before going limp.

RANDOM GUY #3 is standing near a large plate glass window which was not seen in the first interior shot of the control room. He takes a running leap through the window and we hear an "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" as he plummets down several stories and hits the ground.

RANDOM GUY #4 has soiled himself.

RANDOM GUY #5: (rocking back and forth in chair) Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place.

CAPTAIN: Gentlemen! I think it's going to be OK! Kat has a month to process this information and prepare herself for this event. I think we should give her the benefit of the doubt.

RANDOM GUY #1: But she wanted to lose fifteen pounds, have a bestselling novel as well as a nice car and a husband who doesn't forget to tape the American Idol results show and the OC season finale!

CAPTAIN: It's too late for all that, and she knows it. Maybe the fifteen pounds thing. I hear the grapefruit diet works well.

RANDOM GUY #6: But she hates grapefruit! (he begins to hyperventilate)

RANDOM GUY #7: Get a hold of yourself, Random Guy #6! (he slaps Random Guy #6)

CAPTAIN: Allright, here's my plan. Random Guy #1, please program Bad Lady's radio so that no Bette Midler songs come on today. Random Guy #4, change your pants and report back here immediately. Random Guy #5, stop watching that infernal 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' thing. #6 and #7, I need you to start typing into your keyboards as if you are really really busy! And I'll handle the rest.

The CAPTAIN smiles ominously as he exits the control room. But where is he going, and what is his plan?

TO BE CONTINUED...