What I Did On My Summer Vacation
What else does one do when one has a newborn baby attached to them pretty much 24/7? Watch lots and lots of TV. And so, I present a summary of what rotted my brain over the past two months ...

Kill Reality
FAMEWHORE ALERT! The premise: get a bunch of famewhore wannabe actors together (think: Trashelle) and shoot a really crappy horror movie. Film the ensuing hijinks.

Highlight:
Does Johnny Fairplay answer his own questions?
Yes.
Is it annoying?
Yes.
Is he more of an unlikeable person in this show than on Survivor?
Roger that.

Battle of the Network Reality Stars
FAMEWHORE ALERT, PART DEUX! A competition which pits famewhores against one another? Then it’s a sure bet that Mike “The Miz” and Coral are going to be there. Trashelle manages to eke her way onto this show, as well, as do some other perennial famewhore favorites, such as Mike “Boogie” Malin and Richard Hatch.

Highlight: Joe Schmo (aka Matt Kennedy Gould) is on the show, which prompts my husband to imitate his whining, “Whaaat is gooooing oooon heeeeere?” a la the “big reveal” at the end of the Joe Schmo show. I just think it’s funny.

Oh yeah. And the Wills from Big Brother are both on. (Dr. Evil and Nurse Gay).

AND!!!
Burton.
*drools*

Big Brother 6
Why am I still watching this show? It pretty much ended for me when Kaysar was voted off – again. I’m rooting for Janelle but it’s obvious that some other nimrod is going to win. Shallow, callous biotches are left on the show and I could care less. But I DVR’ed the entire series, so I’m sticking with it.

Being Bobby Brown
This is a recent discovery of mine. How could I not have watched this sooner? It is FREAKING HILARIOUS. Oh, Bobby and Whitney. They are teh funny.

Celebrity Fit Club
A bunch of overweight D-listers (see also: Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List) trying to get in shape. The biggest star is probably… oh hell, they’re all has beens.
You’ve got: Willie Aames, most famous for being on Eight is Enough, Charles in Charge, Bible Man (a super hero with a cape and everything), and … lots and lots of drugs. Victoria Jackson, who used to be on SNL when it was still good. Jackee, who was on the show 227, which I used to watch, naturally. Phil Margera, whose son Bam is a Jackass. Toccara, a plus-size model from the show America’s Top Model. Jani Lane, of the hair band Warrant, who at the beginning of the show was about one fifth of vodka away from death’s door. And, also, a man by the name of Gary Busey. I recognize him although I couldn’t tell you a single movie he was in, but I can tell you that he has definitely communed with visitors from outer space.

Surreal Life
Has Vh-1 cornered the market on has-beens? (Well, no. See also: Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List) In this house, we have Omarosa (won’t she go away already?); Pepa, minus the Salt, of Salt-n-Pepa; Carey Hart, who is apparently a motocross dude who also dates Pink; Bronson Pinchot, better known as Balki Bartokomus from the 80’s series Perfect Strangers; “international model” Caprice, who I’ve never heard of; Jose Canseco, who, forgive me, but I actually like and want to read his book; and total psychopath Janice Dickinson, whose claim to fame was that she was the first supermodel. She can also claim that she and Gary Busey have probably gone bowling together on Jupiter.

What makes this season of the Surreal Life great is the constant catfights between Omarosa and Janice. It’s great.

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
I’ve never thought she was funny, actually she annoys me. Yet this has ended up on my DVR list, too. Like I said, at 3 a.m., when you’ve got a baby to feed, you’d probably watch this show too.

And if I ran out of things to watch, there was always an episode of Law and Order on. Or the Fresh Prince. I wasn't picky.