Feeling guilty
Please don't call the animal police on me. But this morning I whapped Dom with my pillow. I gave him a good one. He had broken the #1 cardinal rule in the house: don't mess with my sleep. EVER.

All night, he was up in the window right next to my head, but he wasn't just sitting there demurely looking out like our other, model citizen cat does. He was scratching the glass with his claws, he was up on two legs, jostling everything on my nightstand, and at one point, he stepped on the "on" button to my clock radio, so just as I was drifting off to sleep last night, it was as if my alarm was going off. My husband, the rat bastard, slept through the whole thing.

So this went on for quite some time last night. I just drift off, and Dom comes back to the window and makes some kind of racket to wake me up. Drift off, wake up. Lather, rinse, repeat. Finally, out of sheer exhaustion, either he cut it out, or I was too tired to notice, and I slept peacefully, until about 6ish, when again he went for the window.

Which is about when I blew my top and shooed at him with the pillow. After that he would tenatively come back in the room and if he so much as heard the bed creak, he shot out of there like a bat out of hell. But by then I was so agitated, that I got up anyway.

These cat antics have got to stop. What do they think, they rule the roost?

Bits and pieces

• The inside of my car smells like skunk. Not sure why. I passed a dead skunk on the road; maybe the smell got sucked into my car's exhaust or whatever part filters the air into the car. It is of stink.
• The snack drawer has been filled to bursting. I bought a pack of the Captain's Wafers rather than the Toast Chee that I usually purchase.
• One of the things that I dread most about becoming a parent is having my son or daughter want me to take them to a horrendously bad movie, such as "Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2" or whatever the hell that shit is. I will consider that a failure as a parent to have a child who wants to see that crapola.
• Our cat, Peepers, decided for the first time ever last night to try and sleep on the bed with us. Unfortunately for me, she decided to sleep on my head. With her tail right next to my nose, so every time I inhaled, I breathed in tail. Fortunately for me, this arrangement didn't last long, as Dom came and attacked her and chased her away. Then peace and tranquility ruled the household... for about five minutes.

Staying hip (or as close to hip as I can muster)
Although lately I've been finding that I am more in the target audience of VH-1 than MTV, I still make a point every year to watch the Video Music Awards (or VMA's as the hipsters call it). I was an MTV junkie from early on, when, in second grade, we got cable, and my babysitter and I would while away the after-school hours watching videos by the likes of Culture Club, Duran Duran, and Cyndi Lauper. The VMA's were always a highlight for me, every year.

I have continued watching it, just to stay current with what's going on with the young people these days. This year, I find myself on the cusp of not caring anymore. I still know who most of the nominees and presenters are, but am not a fan of (most of) the music. I watch for the outfits, for the drunkenness, the swearing, the outrageousness. Even that was disappointing. I didn't see the whole thing, though.

And you'd think that MTV would write some good copy for the presenters to slosh through. But no, they don't. Example. Oh, here's Tony Hawk and Ashlee Simpson! They banter about how cool the set is. But Tony feels it is missing something. Wow! Tony Hawk is going to skateboard on the set! The audience goes apeshit for this! Maybe I just don't get the whole Tony Hawk thing. Get a real job. Like, as an accountant or something.

Maybe next year I won't watch. I'll be tuned in instead to the "I Heart the 80's Strikes Back" marathon. That's some good stuff.

While we're on the topic
of food (I may as well declare it to be "Food Friday" but then I'd really get in trouble with Grace) ... I have a question for all of you fast food aficionadoes. I have been hearing good things about the Taco Bell burrito with potatoes in it... is this something worth getting? Taco Bell REALLY scares me. I used to eat it a lot in college, in fact, one week, I got Taco Bell every day for a week, and then after that, not so much.

I may make a border run tomorrow while I'm on my errands just to test out this burrito. Unless I am instructed not to do so by some jaded burrito eater.

Have it your way
Today was my once a year pilgrimmage to the fantastic eatery known as Burger King. Why once a year, you may ask? Well, my friend, I'm fairly certain that visiting any more than that would kill me.

And, I noted a curious phenomenon. My drink of choice is Diet Coke. (I prefer Diet Coke to Diet Pepsi, but I prefer regular Pepsi to regular Coke, but that's another story for another day.) Today, however, I thought to myself as I waited in the drive-thru, "Self, you know what would be smashing?" "No, self, what is that?" "Well, self, a Dr. Pepper would be smashing, since you asked!"

But every time I get a Dr. Pepper, it's not as good as I think it's going to be. I have them so infrequently that I build up the deliciousness in my mind and then am disappointed. Does this happen to anyone else? *hears crickets chirp*

Allright then. Just me.

And so... because we have nothing to post...
I'll steal the birthday meme from Tuna.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious.
Loves to teach and be taught. (I like to teach things to myself but HATE having someone teach me things)
Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. (See Hamster Time)
Likes to criticize. (See Hamster Time)
Hardworking and productive.
Smart, neat and organized.
Sensitive and has deep thoughts. (See this blog)
Knows how to make others happy.
Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Rather reserved.
Highly attentive.
Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds.
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love.
Loves children.
Loyal.
Has great social abilities yet easily jealous.
Very Stubborn and money cautious.

Oh for crap's sake. I just created a post about nothing and, twas eaten by Blogger.
Blogger, I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.

The "nothing's new" report
It's one of those weeks. Recovering from the same blah which seems to have afflicted Tuna.

I went to a dismal Indians game last night vs. the Yankees. Nothing against Yankees fans, but you're idiots. I'd say the crowd was about 60/40 Indians to Yankees fans. And the Yanks fans were loud. And obnoxious. And idiotic. You DO NOT come to an opposing team's stadium and start leading cheers without getting a royal beatdown. I was aghast at the balls of these New Yawkers. Yes, we suck. Yes, we have now lost nine games in a row. So, what's your point?

Work is picking back up, I have a couple of large projects that I'm working on, which is a welcome change from working on NOTHING for the past month and a half. Now it's all coming at once, natch.

At the moment I am trying to remove the (blue) background from a photo of a woman with REALLY curly hair. So in between her curls you can see the background. I have to zoom up realllllllllllllllllly close up and try and erase out all the blue in between the strands of hair. Good times.

Pimp juice
Did you miss any of last week's broadcast episodes of Big Brother? If so, you're in luck. It just so happened to be my week of recapping the broadcast ep's. So run on over to Hamster Time and check them out! Here, I'll make it simple for you, check them out... here.

Munch this
So I read that Edward Munch's painting, Scream, which is featured on kerjillions of coffee mugs, mouse pads, McCaulay Culkins and t-shirts worldwide, has been stolen from a low security museum over the weekend.

Hearing about the painting reminds me of a class I took senior year in college called "Madness in Society." It was one of those bullshit classes that have nothing to do with your major but is required to graduate. Not that class in particular, but a group of classes specifically made for seniors... not that it matters. I took the class, thinking that it sounded really interesting.

To its credit, it occasionally was, but not on purpose. The professor came up with the most boring topics imaginable, one of those being the life of Edward Munch. And he made sure to pronounce it "Edvvvvard Mooooonk", which, I'm sure is how it is actually meant to be pronounced, but god dammit, this is A-Mairica, and here in my country, we call him Ed Munch. As in ass munch. To help us further understand the life of Edvvvvard Moooooonk, we watched a movie on his life. A FOUR HOUR movie. Longer than the Titanic, people. Gilligan and his cronies took their tour shorter than the Moooooonk bio. I couldn't tell you much about his life because I have banished it from memory, but I'm certain that it involved a rough childhood, alcoholism, being misunderstood, and dying prematurely. Did I not just describe every artist's life? Well, there you go.

The only cool thing about the class was that we got to do presentations on topics of our choice, involving madness. Most memorable was the presentation by one of my most favorite eccentrics of my college career, a cat we liked to call Mike Cubed (there were three Mikes on that floor in our dorm, he was the third) who was famous for being bald at age 21, having a fondness for the word "nads," and wearing a t-shirt to the dining hall that said, "This is what 40 looks like." Anyway, Mike got an entire class period to dissect the Batman comic book series and actually did so so intelligently and humorously that it made sense. What it had to do with madness I'm not sure.

I did my project on voyeurism, by the way, which should surprise no one.

Blah
I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Still. I missed two days of work last week. But fear not, I'm here today! Already driven insane! Kindly Old Granny Admin is figuring out how to use a stop watch, so it's beep! .... beep! ... beep! beep!... beep!... beep! beep! .... ..... beep! Much beeping.

KOGA is cool. I haven't talked about her before. She keeps all of us in line. She will tell you you are a nincompoop but in the sweetest granny kind of way. Except this one time, we were talking about "The Apprentice," and she got all mean and said she hated Donald Trump. "I mean, I just don't understand what's so great about him," she said. "Fatty."

I'm not sure what that meant, but coming from KOGA I'd say it was a high insult.

Other times I will go over to her desk and she will be staring out the window, smiling. Once, I asked her what she was looking at and she said, "Oh, it's so lovely outside, I just want to take my shoes and stockings and go frolicking in the grass!"

I swear, my random thoughts are about cheese and who would win in a fight -- Count Chocula or Frankenberry -- and hers are about flowers and bunnies.

I just realized, I have now nicknamed everyone in my office. Oh wait, there's still one person I haven't nicknamed. She's on maternity leave though, so she doesn't count.

It's someone's birthday today, I can't remember whose. So happy birthday, whoever you are.

BB5...
I am sorry to see Will go, especially in the lame-ass alleged "coin toss" manner in which it happened.

But Nakomis as HOH rocks my world. There isn't a better person to be HOH than this week. Big Booty Judy and her evil twin better watch they asses!

Urgent: Beano Stick Update
This just in. I have found an article which explains the Beano stick. Did you know that it is more commonly called a "gee-haw whimmy diddle"?

Personally, I prefer the moniker given to it by Mose.

For all of you beano stick fans, the article is here.

And can I just say, that if I knew where to find Mose, I would totally track him down, stalk him, and force him to hang out with me. He kills me.

Survivors, ready!
Green Tuna did such a rousing job of lambasting the new crew of Survivor contestants that I am going to just let you read her take on it, and say, "what she said."

I am decidedly meh on this season. A bunch of meatheaded military guys and chicks who are models...

On a good note, the promos that CBS are airing feature Rupert and his Man Roar. I never get sick of that.

I love the reefers
Here's another recent referral:
jase big brother what kind hair gel

Poor, disoriented internet searcher. It's time for an intervention. The Jase look, it's BAD, it's BAD! Don't do it. Go toward the light. Stay away from the flat iron. It's going to be ok, little pup.

The Sketch Factor
... But he's got a rather large... personality. And next week, Trashelle claims, while drunk, to be in love with ... Buddy from Buddy’s Carpet. Andy Dick. Fran Dresher. Regis and Kelly ...

This is an excerpt from a recent search of "Andy Dick and Trashelle" which I think is quite amusing.

Makes you think twice about who you put in office
Former Cleveland area mayor found naked by the side of the road.

Desperate times
I was feeling snacky, so I checked Ye Olde Snacke Drawere to see if I had anything munch-worthy.

To my dismay, all that was there were some not-so-gummy bears. Those things were rock-hard when I bought them sometime last week.

Yeah. I still ate them.

Welcome
Many internet surfers have stopped by in search of "beano stick."
Although I know what it is, I have no further information, other than what I've seen Mose do with it on "Amish in the City." And that it's damn wicked cool.

Color me shocked
No really. Smack my ass and call me Suzy. Bad Lady just informed me that she is going to be "too busy" to go on our planned (for months!!!!) "Creative Day" next week. Hmm, this doesn't have anything to do with her dislike for Screech, now does it?

Nor did her disdain for Screech factor in when we went out to a paper vendor a few weeks ago and her "hectic schedule" wouldn't permit her to go. Her schedule is about as hectic as a slug's.

Furthermore, I'm sure that the fact that she feels ill toward Screech had no bearing when she called in sick the day that the whole department went to lunch to congratulate Screech on getting married.

Nah.