Oh mama
This weekend, my mom and I had little bonding excursion. Destination? Maternity clothes-o-rama. I'm at that stage in my pregnancy where I'm not quite into the full maternity gear, but I do need a few key pieces to work in to my wardrobe.

The store we went to had three mini-stores all wrapped into one fun package. There was the upscale clothing store, the mid-range clothing, and the low-end stuff. We, and most everyone else, which included every pregnant woman in northeast Ohio and her mother, were in the mid-range section. However, since all 89 of us were hovering over two racks of clothes, I decided to venture into the other areas of the store to see what they had to offer. Here are my findings:

Upscale clothing section
Features: $150 jeans (and ugly ones at that) and Paris Hiltonesque frilly frou frou short short skirts. Tiny tops for tiny pregnant people.

Low-end clothing section
Features: Tops that can only be described as "frocks" in a variety of colors found under your local big top and usually modeled by someone named BoBo or Chuckles.

So I ended up back in the mid-range area, and made out pretty well with two pairs of not-too-hideous slacks, a jacket, two blouses and a t-shirt.

While I was in the dressing room, I noticed they had a velcro strap-on stomach that you could use to project what you will look like with a full pregnant belly. I declined to use it on the grounds that it was skeevy.

Then, just on a whim, I decided to look at the maternity bras. Too scary. I couldn't deal with it.

All in all, a harrowing experience, to be sure. I'm not sure who was more exhausted by the end of it -- my mom or me.

At least it's over. I don't have to go back. Until the era of Doodle the Second, that is...