Concert reviews

1. JOHN MAYER/BEN FOLDS JULY 1, 2007 BLOSSOM MUSIC CENTER

This was my third time seeing JM live at Blossom, but the first time that I did not have seats in the pavilion. I was kind of bummed about that, but it turns out that the lawn is an AWESOME people-watching venue! Half the time I forgot that I was at a concert, because I was so engrossed in the human drama around me. My sister-in-law and I enjoyed this immensely.

Ben Folds opened the show, and though I only own that one CD that everyone owns of his, the one that has "Brick" on it, I still recognized most of the songs he played. Which was weird. He also made us laugh out loud by his between-song banter, where he attempted to recreate the "Brown Note" -- the same frequency the military allegedly uses to make people crap their pants. He couldn't get down low enough but he said that the low tone he played was enough to make the weaker people "shart" -- which just about killed us.

During his set, a nearby Ben Folds MEGAFAN was shouting all the words, dancing, and interjecting certain catch phrases between songs, like, "Fuckin A", "Fuck Yeah," etc. John Mayer came out during the last song in BF's set and the megafan was not pleased. Not at all. Then, when the set ended, he loudly proclaimed that he had been ripped off, that Ben Folds should have been allowed to play longer (he played for about 45 minutes), and then the Megafan packed his stuff up and left before JM hit the stage.

John's set was awesome. He opened with "Belief" which is one of my favorite songs off of Continuum, and then went into "Why Georgia" -- another good one. He played a good mix of his three main albums, plus a John Mayer trio song, and another obscure one that I have heard before but can't place.

During the set, we had, at various times, intertwined lesbians, high school idiots, college idiots, drunk idiots, and a host of others around us. It made for some good snarkage.

For the encore, John treated the audience to my least favorite song in his reporitoire, "Your Body is a Wonderland," but he did it acoustic. The last time my sister-in-law and I went to see JM, we were trapped next to these obnoxious girls who shout-sang the lyrics to this song and even had hand motions to go along with the lyrics. Smartass that I am, I performed a slowed down version of their pantomime routine during this acoustic set. It was funny to me and my SIL, but people around us probably thought I was an idiot.

2. THE POLICE JULY 16, 2007 QUICKEN LOANS ARENA

As Andy Summers struck the opening chords of "Message in a Bottle," thus beginning the Cleveland show, the woman next to me (who looked and sounded remarkably like Kelly from "The Office") turned to me and said, "I bet you weren't even alive the first time these guys were on tour!" First of all, THANK YOU to that woman for making me feel not so old. But actually, yes, I was alive. I was in about the third or fourth grade when the Synchronicity album came out, and I also owned all of the prior albums (Ghost in the Machine, Zenyatta Mondata, Regatta de Blanc) on casette. This was largely due to a huge musical influence in my life -- my babysitter at the time, Carrie, who was a few years older than me and a HUGE Police fan. She and I would watch MTV and wait for the video to "Every Breath You Take" to come on, and we would listen to all the albums all the time.

Anyway, I am still riding the high from this concert. Every Police song that I could think of that I would want to hear live -- they did. They did some other great songs that fans of the Police would recognize, and they did a couple obscure songs that even I didn't know. Sting looked fantastic and sounded great. Every once in a while there seemed to be some kind of disconnect between Sting and Andy -- I couldn't tell who was at fault, but the music just seemed to be off. Also, Stewart Copeland was AWESOME. So much of what makes the music of the Police so great is the drums, and he was truly a showman. In addition to his standard drum set, he had a gong, a series of chimes and bells, and some other random percussion instruments. During certain points in the show, he would literally toss his drumsticks over his head, grab a brush, and get up to play the chimes. The song "Wrapped Around Your Finger", which is not one of my favorites normally, was probably the best song they did because of how cool Stewart's part was. When he was done on the chimes, he would again toss the brushes over his head, pick up a new set of drum sticks, and go right back to drumming. So cool.

My seats were in the LAST row of the Q (I hate calling it that, but to borrow a phrase, it is what it is), but at least we were facing the stage. There were screens set up above the stage so we could always see the action, and they also featured some retro Police graphics (for instance, the analog caricatures of the three band members that was the cover art for Ghost in the Machine, see below). So that was cool. Because we were up so high we could pretty much see everything and everyone, and that really added to my enjoyment of the show. To be part of such an enthusiastic crowd was really something special to me. I am so glad I was there.



3. LATER THIS SUMMER ... DAVE MATTHEWS/PETE YORN ... BLOSSOM MUSIC CENTER

I bought the tickets because I love Pete Yorn. But I have never seen Dave Matthews live, and I am looking forward to it. I'm not the hugest fan of his, I have his first three albums but then kind of lost interest. We have pavilion seats, which should be great, especially for Pete. I am totally going to be the Pete Yorn Megafan who is pissed that he didn't play longer.

Doodle's got talent
You're looking at the next John Popper (minus about 350 pounds)...

Parenting the parents
This is a "what would you have done" kind of situation. Since I'm still relatively new to the whole parenting thing, especially now that I actually have to "do" some parenting rather than feed, cuddle, bathe and diaper a basically helpless being, I'm unsure in certain situations what the proper thing to do would be.

Sunday morning I took Doodle to the playground. In the middle of the playground there is a large sandbox area. This little girl, probably about six years old, was playing by herself in the sand. This is important: there was no sign of adult supervision whatsoever. Upon Doodle's arrival she boisterously introduced herself to us and asked if she should "show him around" the playground. I told her no thanks, that we were just going to play in the sand. "Do you think he wants to watch a talent show?" she asked me. "Sure," I said, knowing full well that Doodle was going to do what Doodle wanted to do, when Doodle wanted to do it. So she goes down the slide and jumps around, and then for the grand finale -- the coup de gras -- she dumps a bucketful of sand on her head. Doodle thought this was great hilarity, and encouraged, she did it again. Then she offered to dump sand on Doodle's head, which I kibboshed.

She continued to try and show off for Doodle and make him laugh, but he was doing his own thing. She decided it was time for a second talent show. Right at that moment, either her mom or her grandma (could have been either) came up and said it was time for her to go. The little girl begged to do her talent show and so the grandma stood there to watch. She did the whole bit with the slide, the jumps, and then the bucket of sand over the head. When she did that, the grandma screamed in alarm and told her not to do that. Then the grandma looked at me and said, angrily, "Did YOU know she was going to do that?" I told her that she had been doing that several times.

Now here is my question. Was it my duty to parent that other little girl in addition to my own? To stop her from dumping sand on her head? Because sure, I wouldn't let Doodle do it, but other than getting dirty and probably getting all sorts of god knows what from the sand, skeeves, all over her, it was a harmless act, or so I thought.

Doodle fortuitously picked that time to toddle off, and so I went after him, but if the grandma had said anything further to me, I probably would have gone off on her for not watching her child in the first place. After she revealed herself I realized that this woman had been sitting back on a bench, talking on a cell phone, totally out of the line of sight of this little girl.

Just the beginning in a long line of struggles with other parents, I am sure.

Hello, post office? I'd like to mail in this post.
BB8 cast out today... woot. My pre-show hate is festering already!

Oh. here's a meme that I stole from myspace yet again...

1. Boxers or briefs?
on a dude, boxers.

2. Five star hotel or a tent in the woods?
not much of a camper, so, hotel.

3. If you were famous, what would you be famous for?
I always wanted to be a rock star, and a writer, but writers aren't that famous unless they're Steven King, so, let's go, rock star.

4. I'd like to hang out with:
some of my favorite musicians... Pete Yorn, Josh Rouse, etc.

5. I want my last meal to be:
Wow. A bag of Shearers potato chips (the ones in the black bag that used to be called "Grandpa's Choice"), a steak with baked potato, a big-ass piece of cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory.

6. Milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or white chocolate?
Dark. Accept no substitutions.

7. I've always wanted:
A horse.

8. For my first wish, I wish:
a happy life for my son.

9. The best things in life are:
family

10. Where was sexy before Justin Timberlake brought it back?
Outer Mongolia

11. Do you typically bring da noise, da funk, or da jell-o salad?
Da Funk, of course!

12. Who would you want to be with on a desert island?
should I give the p.c. answer of "my husband", or should I go for the more interesting and scandalous... how about Jeff Probst and fifteen other castaways?

13. If you were a candy bar, which would you be?
Heath bar

14. No matter how badly I needed the money, I'd never:
kill anyone

15. Take whatever you want. Just don't take my:
son

16. The older I get, the more I:
wish I hadn't slacked off so much in college

17. What's the first frivolous thing you'll buy when you're rich and famous?
a personal trainer

18. Ignorance is:
something I can barely stomach

19. I think they should legalize:
the wacky tabacky

20. Wal-Mart is:
a place I refuse to patronize.

21. I'd be totally screwed without:
my computer skills and writing skills

22. House in the country or apartment in the city?
house in the country -- I could get a horse!

23. What's the grossest thing you've ever eaten?
if I try and think about it I'll probably barf

24. If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?
my son's name and birthdate

25. How old were you the last time you trick-or-treated?
high school -- freshman or sophomore?

26. Beauty or Brains?
brains. there's no plastic surgery to fix stupid.

27. If Mickey is a mouse and Pluto is a pup, what the hell is Goofy?
a more highly evolved being, we can't possibly understand

28. My parents should've known I'd be trouble when I:
knew how to spell C-A-T and D-O-G from my crib

29. Where would you like to go on vacation?
someplace warm, sandy, quiet

30. In retrospect, do you wish you had studied harder or had more fun?
both -- I wish I had been more outgoing in college and been more active in groups. I also wish I hadn't wasted my entire senior year goofing off.

31. I read 'Playboy' for the:
I'm a straight girl so I don't read or appreciate Playboy.

32. What was the best advice you ever received?
from a colleague on how to handle myself professionaly in various situations

33. What would your custom license plate be?
KATJAMB1

33. Mary Kate or Ashley?
Myrtle.

34. If you were to discover that the roof was on fire, what would you do?
Let the mo'fo' burn.

35. Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Who me? Yes you. Couldn't be. Then who?

36. Paris or Nicole?
To see ritually tortured? Paris.

37. Jessica Alba or Jessica Simpson?
Albacore. Which is tuna by the way. Which is a fish.

38. If I had a time machine, I'd:
go back... to the FUTURE!!!!

39. How many times have you broken your cell phone?
zero so far.

40. If you were coated in jelly, what flavor would you prefer?
k-y? too obvious?

41. What was the best movie this year?
I don't get out much.

44. One in the hand is worth two in the:
George W.

45. I'd like to smack:
oh jeez. so many choices. several co-workers. paris. britney.

46. I will never tell anyone:
anything I think will hurt their feelings. I'm kind of a pansy that way.

47. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
rock star!

48. What's your favorite candy?
candy cigarettes -- even though they can't be called that anymore. now they're just "candy sticks"

49. What advice would you give your younger self?
Don't do drugs. Stay in school.

50. Fame or Fortune?
Fame! I'm gonna live forever, I'm going to learn how to fly. High.

51. You can see my place, but don't look in my:
basement (that's where the bodies are buried)

52. My parents would kill me if I came home with:
a piercing/tattoo

53. Would you rather own a dog named Growler or a parrot named Captain?
Yarr! Captain, me mateys!

54. When they write my obituary, I hope they mention:
my stunning beauty

55. Truth or Dare?
truth. I hate embarrassing myself.

56. When the world ends, I will be:
waiting to see how it all winds up.

Walter
Last evening, there was a plan. And the plan was to go out after dinner and get custard. Jackpot! One of my favorite things to do in the summertime. It was our first custard outing of the season.

We're walking out of the house and Doodle sees his ball. His eyes light up and he runs to our back patio to get it. We follow. As the three of us reach the patio, we hear this high-pitched "meeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeew? meeew? mew?"

My first thought was that Molly had gotten out of the house somehow, because she makes the same kind of pathetic mewing sounds.

But it wasn't. It was Walter.

This little, dark grey tabby kitty was hanging out on our patio. I'm always a little wary of strange animals, especially ones I haven't seen before, because who knows their story -- are they strays? Do they have diseases? Fleas? Are they going to bite my child?

But Walter -- Walter wasn't like that. Walter walked right up to my husband to be petted. When my husband stopped petting him, he walked right up to Doodle. My OWN cats don't even do that! When he realized Doodle was not going to pet him, but rather, doink him repeatedly with a big blue bouncy ball, he came over to me.

He was such a sweetheart -- I immediately looked at my husband with puppy dog eyes. "We already have two cats," he said. I made the pouty face.

We hung around and petted Walter for a little while longer, and then there was this thing we had to do. The CUSTARD! I didn't want to leave Walter there. I wondered if he belonged to a neighbor, or if he was a stray, runaway, whatever. He has no collar, he doesn't look to be spayed (yes, I checked, thank you very much -- well, not so much checked, as noticed, that he still had his testicles). He does have a freshly-scabbed war wound behind one of his ears, and the tip of that ear looks like it got either bitten off or bent. But he didn't appear to be hungry, and he definitely wasn't afraid of people, or children.

As we started to get Doodle into his car seat, Walter stretched himself out in our driveway, rolled onto his back with his legs in the air, and then chilled out. We made our break and went to get custard.

I was hoping that he'd still be there when we got home. Like he had chosen to stay with us. You know how sometimes, kitties pick their owners, not the other way around?

But he wasn't.

Throughout the evening before the sun set, I kept looking out the windows to see if maybe I could see Walter lounging in the bushes, or in the grass, but I saw no further sign of him.

And I had picked a name for him and everything.

OMFG
Remember a few weeks ago when I said that the Bratz movie was the worst idea I'd heard since Spice World?
I was wrong.

The 80's meme
Mailing it in yet again... one of these days I will post something "real"...

Did you listen to New Kids on the Block?
Shamefully, I did.

Did you ever own a slap bracelet?
I think I was too old when these came out

The Babysitter's Club or Sweet Valley High?
Sweet Valley High all the way.

Salute Your Shorts or Hey Dude?
Again, I was a little too old for this but I do remember "Salute Your Shorts."

Kids Incorporated or The Mickey Mouse Club?
neither -- again, too old

Did you want Dylan to end up w/ Brenda or Kelly?
Brenda

Who was ALF?
a furry alien from the planet Melmac

Do you remember the show Dinosaurs?
nope

Kimmie Gibler or Urkel?
Ugh... neither. Both were uber annoying

Blossom or Clarissa Explains It All?
Clarissa

Did you have a crush on JTT?
Obviously not because I have no clue who that is

Bobby Brown or Tevin Campbell?
Bobby B

Step By Step or Full House?
neither

Did you listen to Milli Vanilli?
Mmm hmm. I still have the cd that I drag out to make people laugh

Mr. Rogers or Reading Rainbow?
Mr. Rogers. Again, Reading Rainbow came on after I was too "grown up" to watch it.

Did you own a Glo Worm?
No but my friend did and I had jealousy issues

Paula Abdul: better now or then?
The "Cold Hearted" video was the bomb back in 8th grade when I listened to that kind of music

Wild 'n' Crazy Kids or Double Dare?
Hell yeah, Double Dare.

Remember Legends of the Hidden Temple?
no

The Mighty Ducks or The Little Giants?
Again, never saw either of these.

Did you watch Saved By The Bell?
heck yeah, in fact there was a huge dinnertime conversation with my in-laws recently and the family is now divided into Those Who Watched and Those Who Didn't

Who was hotter: Zack or Slater?
Mark-Paul Gosselaar; Mario Lopez was a chach

Camp Nowhere or House Arrest?
huh?

Did you own a pair of Reebok Pumps?
Embarrassingly I think I did... for 7th or 8th grade basketball

Carebears or Smurfs?
Smurfs. I thought Care Bears were lame.

Rainbow Brite or Strawberry Shortcake?
Strawberry Shortcake, Huckleberry Pie!

Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes?
In fuschia and clear.

Did you own a Trapper Keeper?
Hell yes. It had horses on it *heart*

Atari or Nintendo?
Nintendo -- all my friends came to my house to play Super Mario and Zelda

Mailing it in... a meme post
I stole this from a MySpace bulletin so some of the questions relate to myspace. Oh well.

1. If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
lip balm, a laptop and a toddler with toddler accessories

2. I have an irrational fear of:
balloons, birds and clowns

3. What type of food do you eat at your grandparents' house?
when I was younger, my grandma would always make fresh french fries in the deep fryer for my cousin and I. They were awesome.

4. How much did you weigh when you were born?
6 lbs, same as my son did

5. Do you stalk anyone on Myspace?
"stalk" is such a strong word...

6. I am too old to:
watch "The Real World" on MTV

7. I find the thought of childbirth:
a semi-pleasant memory and a hope for the future

8. My feet are:
gross. Like everyone's feet are.

9. My preferred style of jeans is:
boot cut

10. I know how to cook:
very few things. Luckily my husband does 99% of the cooking.

11. Men should always:
hold the door for me

12. Women should never:
wear tube tops

13. What child-related smell do you not like?
Desitin, Baby Magic

14. What sea creature scares you?
Nessie

15. What object have you broken most recently?
My watch band

16. Name one of the Spice Girls?
I think I can do them all... Scary, Baby, Posh, Sporty, oh shit. There's one more. I guess I can do 4/5.

17. What was the last thing to make you cry?
When Charlie was supposed to die on "lost" and left hte note for Claire, it got me a little bit choked up, but no actual tears flowed.

18 I would like to be in an advertisement for?:
something like Diet Pepsi where I could get a lifetime supply

19. What are the stems of wine glasses for?
to curl your pinky around

20. My favorite shoes are:
black semi-dressy flip flops

21. Can you use chopsticks?
not very well

22. Do you prefer beaches or forests?
beaches

24. Have you ever drank alcohol straight from the bottle?
prolly.

25. When's the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
when I was pregnant I took a bubble bath

26. Do you have a job?
yes

27. Are you friends with your last ex:
nope

28. What are you wearing?
khaki skirt and green top

29. Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes

30. Name one thing that is always on your mind?
I've got my mind on my money and my money on my mind

31. Full House or Brady Bunch?
Brady Bunch.

32. Relationships or one night stands?
Relationships

33. Who was the last person that made you cry?
I don't know...

34. Last time you kissed someone?
This morning

35. Name five things you did today.
Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head, found my way downstairs and drank a cup, and looking up, I noticed I was late...

36. What color is your bedroom floor?
neutral beige carpet

37. What are you doing tomorrow?
see #35

38. Favorite Old School TV show:
Family Ties -- I had a huge crush on Michael J. Fox

39. If you were a frozen treat, what would you be?
cookie puss

40. What food describes your current mood?
bratwurst

The reaction I (and probably everyone else) had when watching a certain series finale last night
Oh my God, it's just going to end.
Wait, who's that guy at the counter? He's going to kill Tony!
Why are they spending so much time on Meadow parking the car?
THEY'RE GOING TO KILL EVERYONE EXCEPT MEADOW?????
Oh no, gang bangers. It will be a random act of violence! That's lame...
There's Mead-- what? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TV? DID THE DVR DIE? WTF? WTF? WTF?

(Credits roll)

Don't eat the green brownies
First, there was the guy in Michigan.
Not to be outdone, an Ohioan from my neck of the woods decided to follow suit.
Now maybe I'm crazy, but isn't the LAST phone call you want to make, after eating some funky brownies, to the cops?

Off the Lot
I started tivoing the latest Mark Burnett joint, On the Lot, because I figured, a) it's a Mark Burnett joint; b) Spielberg; c) aspiring filmmakers. What's not to like!

The first two episodes, which were more of the semifinals, were very enjoyable. The field was narrowed to eighteen. Then the show's format went to something similar to RockStar: INXS/Supernova, where each person gets to show their work, the judges comment, and then America votes.

The contestants are obviously very talented (most of them anyway) and I love everything about this show, except:
1. Carrie Fisher.
2. The hostess and her Seacrest-esque dialogue.
3. Carrie Fisher's voice.
4. Gary Marshall's comments about how much he loves female directors. Did someone accuse him of being a misogynist or something?
5. The critiquing style of Carrie Fisher. Apparently, one of the most important things in a film is a beginning, middle and end. At least, to her. And she must have made that comment, well, eighteen times!
6. The fact that I really can't stand the sound of Princess Leia's voice, her overexaggerated hand gestures, or the fact that she epitomizes the sterotype of an artsy, drama club kid who's all grown up. It's devastating because I used to want to BE Princess Leia, and now... eeesh.
7. The guy who made the movie about a "nerd" who obviously was supposed to be mentally disabled, and then acted shocked when people thought that.
8. The guy who says it's his last chance to make it because he has two kids. And no further explanation. His wife must be telling him to "get a real job." But somehow this is supposed to evoke sympathy.

It's a good thing I have a DVR, otherwise this show would be off my radar. I can still watch the films, fast forward through C.F., and see who gets voted off, in about 15 minutes!

May 2007 Photoblog

Greetings. *wipes yogurt off face*


I enjoyed my Mother's Day with a trip to the zoo. Oh look! A two-headed giraffe!



Phew. Here's a normal, one-headed giraffe.



Doodle's favorites, other than the giraffes, were the sea lions. Here he is watching them.



Ever the entertainer, Doodle has some big shoes to fill.



Uncle Dom got a new scratching post since he has snubbed the one we bought for him a few months ago. He promptly went insane when the new one was introduced:



It's time to go catch some rays!



Until next time... sayonara.

So, You Think You Can Dance?


Doodle's got the moves.
Edited to add: Holy cats! My house -- it's trashed!
When I ask him to see his move, I'm talking about his patented dance move that he, unfortunately, would not perform for this video. Someday you will see it. I promise it will be good enough to wait for.

But wait -- there's more!
Now the post where I brag.
Doodle went pee-pee on the potty!
Not just once, but TWO DAYS IN A ROW at school.
I've told you how much he loves to sit on the potty but something actually happened on Wednesday. And they called me to tell me. Then I promptly called my mom.
"You're calling to tell me about my grandson's bodily functions?" she asked.
"Well, yeah!"
"Is this what we've come to?"
"I guess so."

When I went in to day care on Thursday I asked if they thought it was merely coincidence that Doodle pee-peed on the potty. We thought it probably was. But then oops, he did it again on Thursday! Coincidence? I think not.

This means that this weekend, I am going to have to read up on potty training. Because I am clueless. Totally clueless.

Another Friday, another Meme

Whats your middle name?
Andrea

How big is your bed?
Queen

What are you listening to right now?
New Maroon 5 CD -- this is my first "real" listen so I haven't decided if I like it yet or not

What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?
9796

What was the last thing you ate?
a piece of cantaloupe

Last person you huggged?
My son this morning :)

How is the weather right now?
Gorgeous -- in the 70's and climbing

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
A client - just left them a voicemail

What is the first thing u notice in the opposite sex?
face/eyes

Favorite type of Food.
you can pretty much fry anything and it tastes good

Do you want children?
too late, I have one. But yes, I want another one.

Do you drink?
Not a ton but yes

Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?
no

Hair color?
at the moment, red-brown with highlights

Eye color?
brown

Do you wear contacts/glasses?
yes -- I'm blind as a bat

Favorite holiday?
Fourth of July

Favorite Season?
Summer

Have you ever cried over a girl/boy?
yes, and listened to sad music

Last Movie you Watched?
The Breakup

What books are you reading?
"The Happiest Toddler on the Block"
"Thank You For Smoking"

Piercings?
3 on left ear, 1 in right, one failed eyebrow piercing when I was 19 that left a very lovely scar

Favorite Movie?
My all-time favorite is Back to the Future. Yeah, I know that's lame. What can I say? I loved me some Michael J. Fox when I was little.

Favorite college football Team?
M GO BLUE

What were you doing before filling this out?
Making a copy of the Maroon 5 CD for a co-irker

Any pets?
Dom and Molly -- cats

Dogs or cats?
see above. But actually I am a dog person.

Favorite Flower?
lilacs

Have you ever loved someone?
yes

Who would you like to see right now?
my boss, telling us to go home early for the holiday weekend

Have you ever fired a gun?
I hate guns.

Do you like to travel by plane?
not especially

Right-handed or Left-handed?
I'm a lefty

If you could go any place right now, where would you go?
Hawaii

Are you missing someone?
yes

Do you have a tattoo?
no

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
yes, whatever Doodle's watching.

Are you hiding something from someone?
No... *shifty eyes*

WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
Cellphones have wallpaper?

DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
no -- I'm sick so I could have used a few more hours

FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING?
someone I had a dream about

WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE?
at the moment, kleenex, my glasses, alarm clock

GRILLED OR FRIED?
fried

WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE?
I have perfect pitch

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
sometimes

FAVORITE HANGOUT?
the Lizard

3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
chapstick, Diet Coke

FAVORITE SONG?
this changes daily, but today I'd say "Strange Condition" by Pete Yorn.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
clowns, loud noises, guns

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Kat, Kath

WHAT IS YOUR DADS MIDDLE NAME?
Andrew

WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME?
Marie

STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD TAKE ONE THING?
iPod

FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL?
Geico caveman series

WHO'S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER?
Cingular is now the new AT&T!

FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE?
my family and kitties, and then if there's time my photos

Whats your favorite color?
pale blue

WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU?
everything in my purse, chapstick

WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
rock star

THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEEt?
light blue

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?
usually work

Technology
Did anyone else Tivo the American Idol finale last night? I did, because I can't watch the show live. I have to be able to fast forward through the stupid or boring parts (read: 99% of the show).

My DVR, as I suspect is the case with all DVR's, can only record two shows at once, and then you either have to watch one of those shows, or watch something else that you have already recorded. While Idol was on I was also recording "Lost", so I was watching some other shows that I need to catch up on, like "Entourage" and some other junk. From time to time I'd switch to Idol and fast forward through the nonsense, then switch back off when I caught up with the live show.

At 10, when the show was supposed to end, I also had two shows recording. "Lost" again, and "Shear Genius" I believe. So I took that time to finish watching Idol.

STUPID EFFING SHOW WENT OVER so I had no idea who won. My recording ended WAY before they even got CLOSE to announcing the winner (which, yeah, I knew was going to be Jordin, but STILL). So then I had to get on the Internet just to confirm that Jordin won.

So my gripe is with American Idol's producers. They have to know that people are tuning in mostly to see the winner announced. Could they at least keep the show running on time so those of us who cannot, or refuse to, watch it live have a shot to see the end of the show?

'Kay thanks.

Fortune Cookie

My Fortune Cookie told me: You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others. Get a cookie from Miss Fortune

Truckin'
I'm on the Turnpike 5 days a week, and so I've seen my fair share of strange travelers and odd bumper stickers. But every once in a while, I see something on a truck that just makes me shake my head.

A few months ago I saw one of those big livestock trucks, full of cows, and there was a decal on the back of the truck that said something like, "Bessie's Last Ride." Ew. Come on. I'm not naive, but I really don't need to have it spelled out that the cows are on their way to the big pasture in the sky.

Last week, I passed a truck making the fine suggestion to "Show Your Pride -- Flash My Ride." I'll flash your ride allright ... with my middle finger.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Come on, this can't be serious...
They're making a Bratz movie? Not just a cartoon, but a real movie with teenage actresses?

This is the worst idea since Spice World.

Weaning
I noticed Tracie's mentioning of trying to wean kids from the bottle at an early age. I am going through this problem right now. Doodle STILL takes milk from a bottle -- usually one in the morning and one at night. We have really tried to cut them out completely but it's hard on everyone involved when Doodle doesn't get his "ba."

We've gotten to the point where we will not offer him one unless he asks for it, so sometimes he will only ask for one a day. And we have done the water substitution thing, as well, which works sometimes and other times doesn't.

This morning, I was running late and Doodle got up late, so when he asked for his "Ba" there were literally 5 minutes left before we had to be out the door. I quickly gave him a bottle with water in it, and continued to get ready for work. This touched off the most gigantic tantrum Doodle has ever had. He cried and screamed for a Ba, and then, when I carried him off to the car, he went totally nuts. He screamed for it the entire way to day care, and then wouldn't let me let go of him once we got there.

I have huge Mommy Guilt now, but I also am glad that I held firm. He's almost two and we really need to move on to the big boy cup.

Not helping in this situation is my mother in law, who, when I told her the plan to ix-nay on the ottle-bay, pretty much pooh-poohed the whole thing and said that he just uses it for comfort and it's ok for him to have it. Not only that, but when he's at her house, she will just offer him a bottle without him asking for one. *sigh*

Advice? Sympathy? I'll take it.

Catching up
I fall in and out of the blogging habit. Mostly because I don't really have much to say most days. I have no idea what happened to my ambition to write -- even though I still enjoy it, it's too much of an effort for me most days. As Beavis would say, "It hurts to use my imagination!"

I'm also anticipating huge change in my life, very soon. No, I'm not pregnant again. Nor do I plan to be, at least not right now. I'm trying to figure out, career wise, where I want to be and what I want to do. I haven't felt comfortable blogging about my work situation lately, not that I think people would read it, but better safe than sorry, ya know? Plus, I'm saving it all for the tell-all book that I will eventually write ;)

My husband has a large job-related decision to make somewhere in the near future, as well, that will hurt us financially in the short run but ultimately be better for us once all's said and done. Changes.

I have some fun things planned in the next few weeks. We're taking Doodle to the zoo on Sunday, which should be an adventure. Next weekend I'm visiting my alma mater for some good old fashioned revelry. I'm going to a concert next week -- Morrissy -- and yes, I wear black on the outside because black is how I feel on the inside.

This is the first season that I truly, truly do not care who wins or loses American Idol. I barely watch the show other than the last five minutes of the vote-out episode, just because I need to know. I can't stand the Seacrest banter anymore. It wasn't funny five seasons ago and it certainly isn't funny now. I am very much into "Lost" -- I didn't watch last night's episode yet so don't tell me what happened.

I'm sure I have some pictures and/or videos to post soon, when I get around to it...

Get this potty started
Getting feedback on Doodle's activities in day care is always interesting for me. I am looking forward to seeing my son's personality develop, to see what activities he prefers. For instance, whether he likes the arts and crafts time, or playing outside, or singing songs.

Last week, I found out that what Doodle likes to do most is sit on the potty.

Apparently, each day, several times a day, they have "potty time," where each child in his group, potty trained or not, gets a turn to sit on the potty. Doodle always tries to get to be first in line for Potty Time, and then cries when his turn is over. He never does anything on the potty, but apparently enjoys the act of sitting. Often, he even tries to cut back in line to get another turn on the throne.

That's my boy!

A post about Falco
Last night, as my husband was making dinner and listening to the 80's channel on Sirius, the Falco hit "Rock Me Amadeus" came on the radio. And he reminded me, that a few weeks ago when we had our false-start spring, we were on a walk, and one of those low rider, pimped out cars passed us with a couple guys in it and they were BLASTING "Rock Me Amadeus" with the bass booming and everything. It was pretty amusing to see a couple of playas rock out to some Falco.

In preparing to write this post, I googled the song to see if I could find the lyrics, particularly the U.S. remix version where he lists all the great accomplishments of Mozart's life... culminating in my favorite part of the song...

1756, Salzburg, January 27, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is born
1761, at the age of five Amadeus begins composing
1773, he writes his first piano concerto
1782, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart marries Constance Weber
1784, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart becomes a free mason
1791, Mozart composes "The Magic Flute"
On December 5th of that same year, Mozart dies
1985, Austrian rock singer Falco records... ROCK ME AMADEUS (AMADEUS AMEDEUS ... echoes)

Only in the 80's. They just don't make em like this anymore.

It's a boy
Last night, during Doodle's bath, he farted in the tub. He looked down in surprise, laughed, and then looked at me and said, "Bubbles!"

How was I supposed to not crack up at that? Really.

Stars Go Blue
This annoys me enough that I need to say: "When the Stars Go Blue" was a Ryan Adams song WAY before it was a Tim F-ing McGraw song, and certainly also before it was a Coors/Bono song.

I feel much better now.

My ship has come in

Just when I was feeling like I would never be able to get myself out of debt, this fortuitous e-mail arrived in my inbox this morning from a charming British woman... my comments are in bold parenthesis. I think I need to make a swift reply to help the financial predicament!

From: Lady Toreth Hughes
52 Oxford Street,England

Here (where?) writes Lady Toreth Hughes, suffering from cancerous ailment. I am married to Sir Richard Hughes an Englishman who is dead. Our life together as man and wife lasted for three decades without child. My husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged or financial predicament (?). When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 20 Million (20 Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market) with his bank here in UK. Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from. Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the cancer (wow, and she's still able to e-mail me). I need you to help me in fulfiling my husbang obligation which i am presently unable to fulfil. I will brief you more on your swift reply. Toreth

Doodlepictorial



Ah, spring. In late March, it arrived, and life was good.



The crocuses bloomed ...



And Uncle Dom ...



Had his usual psychotic break.



But, just as spring had arrived, it left again and the snow returned ... with a vengeance.



Doodle got a soccer ball from grandma at Easter, which quickly became his most prized possession.



He got to play with GOGGIES...



And just like taking candy from a baby, a huge Pointer has no problem taking cheese from a toddler, moments after this photo was taken.



I'm just glad that I got to eat the rear end off of a lamb-shaped butter again this year.

God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut
You were an inspiration to me into becoming the writer I am today.
You will be missed.
(link)

Stupid people
I'm all fired up right now because of some asshat lady that works at my company. Something about her just rubs me the wrong way. OK, it's not something -- it's the fact that SHE thinks that I am stupid, when I know for a fact that it's the other way around.

She sent my boss an e-mail saying that I never did something, which I most definitely did do, several months ago, and I e-mailed it to her, and I saved the e-mail in my C.Y.A. file. It seems that whenever I do something for her, she loses it and then claims that I never did it. HATE. HER.

Fortunately my boss feels the same way I do, and was on my side. But still... it gets me all riled up. I need to let go and not care. Or I could take the advice just offered to me by I.B.L.: get on a Harley and ride into the sunset. Not sure where he came up with that one, but I'll go with it.

Peep-o-rama
This is especially for you, Green Tuna.
Peep Art

In mourning
Late last night, I finally worked up the gumption to watch Nate Fisher die.

I've been watching the cleaned-up reruns of Six Feet Under that Bravo's been showing. Almost immediately, I knew that this was one of my all-time favorite TV shows. The characters are so flawed, and so real, that I have felt like I actually know these people. When I see the actors turn up on other shows (George, most recently, as Jack Bauer's dad, or Brenda on "Brothers and Sisters" -- ), I still think of them as their Six Feet Under characters (except Rainn Wilson, when he showed up as quirky Arthur on SFU, I just thought of him as young Dwight Schrute).

I never watched this show when it was on HBO. I didn't have the channel when the series first began, and I'm not one to start a show mid-way through (with the very notable exception of "Lost" -- which makes me a weirdo, but we knew that, right?). I was intrigued by it, and when I learned it would be shown on Bravo, I set my DVR.

Back when the show's run on HBO ended, I remembered hearing the buzz when the show ended because they had killed off a major character. Always a fan of spoilers, I went on HBO's website when I started watching the reruns, to read episode summaries so I could find out just who it was that found him/herself a product of the show's title. (Please not Nate. Please not Nate. No whammies. No whammies.) When I read that it was, indeed, Nate, it didn't ruin my appreciation for the show, it only enhanced it. I watched early-season episodes with that tragic knowledge, and was more emotionally connected to the family than ever before.

I have been slowly keeping up with my DVR with the hearty serving of three, hour-plus episodes that Bravo airs each Monday, but I knew from the previews that Nate's end was near.

I watched the episode precluding his death and I was a basket case. So I knew that the next one would be even worse. I prepared myself, but it took several days.

When Nate's final moments of life actually took place, I was ready. I was ready to cry and to feel the pain the entire family felt. And I was even able to laugh at the more light-hearted moments.

I have three more episodes to watch of this incredible series, including Nate's funeral, and I will have kleenex at the ready. And when it's over I will miss the Fishers. They feel like family to me. Which is a tribute to the show's writers, actors, and everyone involved in the show. It's a wonderful series.

Here comes Doodle cottontail


I'm sure some of you are sick of seeing this already. I posted it and emailed it to everyone I could think of. Sorry. I guess that comes with the territory of being a baby's momma.

Conversation with my grandma
G: How's your job going?
K: Allright, I guess.
G: You're the receptionist?
K: No, I'm a graphic designer.
G: But you always answer the phone when I call you.
K: I have a direct line.
G: So, what do you do?
K: I'm a graphic designer. I work in a marketing department.
G: So what do you do during the day. Answer the phone?
K: No, I design things.
G: Like what?
K: Like ads in the newspaper.
G: Would I have seen an ad you did?
K: Yes, in the real estate section.

At this point my dad pipes up.
D: (quietly) You don't do those ads, do you?
K: (whispers) No, but I'm trying to give her something she'd understand.
G: How would I know that you did it?
K: You wouldn't.

And so on.

Oh, Gawd
Over the past few days, Doodle has really started to imitate my actions, as well as some of my words, as well as the words and actions of my husband. We have been trying to be super careful, as the mere mention of some words, such as "cookie", will set him into fits.

Yesterday, as we were leaving the house, I was holding Doodle's hand as we walked down the front steps. He tripped going down one of the steps, and I heard, in MY VOICE, him say, "Oh, GAWD!!!!!"

Oh no. Corrupted already.

What's wrong with me
I am so bored at work that I just read an article on "Dancing with the Stars" ... and I don't even watch that show.

I have problems.

This one speaks for itself

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there


We got a little bit of snow on Valentine's Day... just a dusting, as you can see in this pic. In honor of pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training, my husband made sure that he displayed this reminder that winter will be over soon -- not soon enough, in my estimation.

Super Bowl review
First of all, Peyton Manning... I'm over it. I've been over it. I was born over it.

Second of all, WORST COMMERCIALS EVER! Here are the only ones which got a thumbs up at my house, where me, my hubby, the in-laws and Doodle watched:

My personal fave:


This one got top honors from almost everyone at my house:


But this one merited rave reviews from Doodle, who clapped, laughed, and said something in ToddlerSpeak which sounded very positive:

Pass the Courvasier
I thought I at least had a couple more years before this all started.

Doodle moved into the toddler room at day care this week, so he is the low man on the totem pole again. It is a room largely dominated by the female persuasion. This morning, I found out that all the little girls have been trying to kiss him! My precious baby! Sure, I've joked that he has girlfriends at school before, but that was before they tried to plant their lips on my little angel. Not that I can blame them. He is quite the charmer.

Things that make you go "hmm"
Just curious... why is it that we hear nothing in the news about Donald Trump UNTIL there's a new season of "The Apprentice" to promote? Then suddenly he's everywhere?

Also on a Hollywood note, is there any other female child actress who gets movie roles other than Dakota Fanning? This girl is getting set up to become the next in a long line of trainwreck teens and young women, a la Drew Barrymore, Lindsay Lohan, or, dare I say it, Paris Hilton. It just seems like any time there's a "Little Girl" role in a movie, it's always Dakota.

And lastly but not leastly, it was my birthday yesterday. It was a shit-tacular day at work, but the kooks in my department got me a nice card that said "birthday princess" on the front (my co-workers 3 year old picked it out). Inside, IBL penned this classic adage (upside down on the card, mind you): "Kath, just remember that every day older is another step down wisdom's path." So I pass that IBL-ism on to you, my friends. You're welcome.

Skinny pants
I have on new pants today. They're grey pinstripe pants that I bought for about fifteen bucks at a store I'm too ashamed to admit I shop at.

Anyhow, one of my co-workers told me that they make me look skinny and now, I am going to wear these pants every day for the rest of my life.

Holiday Greetings

Since I don't have the lion's share of your addresses, here is a version of the Doodle Christmas card that I sent out this year.

Happy holidays to all of you... and thanks for reading.

Meme This (#3)
Courtesy of Mensch

PLOT
What's your secret TV show? The one that you don't tell anyone that you watch/like but do.

The O.C. Although it's the first show where I could actually see it jumping the shark as it was happening, instead of looking back to a particular moment in time where a show jumped the shark. And that would be when Marissa died.

CHARACTER
Do you have good posture?

Horrible. Call me Quasimodo. I'm working on correcting it. I hunch over really bad at work especially.


THOUGHT
What are your three favorite blogs?

Don't put me on the spot!
Oh, ok, if you insist.
Dooce
Ze Frank (will you marry me?)
Tuna News

DICTION
How would you describe your taste in music?

All over the map. But excluding country.

SOUND
Fingernails on the chalkboard. Annoying habit or pain inducing torture device?

Fingernails on the chalkboard is a bad one... scraping ice... any metal dragging on the ground, like when someone drags a metal chair.


SPECTACLE
Describe a family or work drama. With narrative.

Brain too fried to attempt this one. May come back to at a later date.
/end cop-out

Meme This! (#2)

PLOT
What person(s) has impacted the direction of your life either professionally or spiritually?

Professionally... I guess I'd have to say my boss. For all the bitching I do about work, I really do like him, and he has given me some incredible opportunities here.

Spiritually, I don't know. I don't really think of myself as a spiritual person, maybe it was all the Catholic school. I'll blame the nuns.

CHARACTER
What bad habit do you promise to kick but never actually do?

Biting my nails. I don't do it as bad as I used to, but when I'm stressin', the nails are the first thing to go.

THOUGHT
How many books do you read each month? What are you reading now?

I used to be a much better reader. Now I average about a book a year. I think I may have finished one this year (but started it last year) and just finished another. I have a third that I am almost done with.

Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
The Master Butcher's Singing Club by Louise Erdich

DICTION
List three of the most misused (or mispronounced) words in the English language?

Nuclear: Nu-clee-ar, not Nu-cue-lar
Realtor: Real-tor, not rel-a-tor
Coke: POP not SODA

SOUND
What can you hear right now while you are answering this question?
Kindly Old Granny Admin on the phone and IBL wandering up the hallway with change jingling in his pocket

SPECTACLE
What an "over the top" luxury that you cannot do without?

My DVR. Which died on Friday! I lost over 40 hours of television that I hadn't watched yet.

I feel ... strangely liberated.

The Dancin' Machine in Action

Watch him get down.

Doodle Bops
I've been in denial for a few weeks now.

One Saturday morning, in desperation to find something on television to appease my sixteen-month-old, I stumbled across three frighteningly-painted, flamboyant adults who dance and sing and talk to puppets. Doodle was instantly transfixed, much to my horror. Since then, the Doodlebops have become part of our daily ritual, so much so that I tape it during the day for us to watch in the evenings.

So we're watching it the other day, all of us, my husband included, when my husband turns to me and says, "You know what? I think we enjoy this show more than he does."

What? That's ridiculOH MY GOD HE'S RIGHT.

Somehow, this kids show, with these freaky deaky people, and their surprisingly catchy songs, has become something I actually look forward to watching. Maybe it has something to do with how much Doodle enjoys it. In fact, he recently added the word "Dee Dee" (she's the cute one in the purple) to his vocabulary. But actually? It's not too bad. Once you get past the fact that Rooney and Moe are obviously lovers.

The Mensch Meme
*gasp*
Two posts in one day? What is this, 2004?
I had been having some problems with Blogger in Beta, but it turned out that I just needed to clear my cache. Out out, damn cache!

Mensch posted her own meme and threw down the gauntlet, so to speak, for responses. Damn, these were hard! They made me think and stuff! But here are my answers...

PLOT
What is the meanest thing someone has done to you?

Sixth grade. My little clique of friends decided to oust me from the clique. Just for like two weeks. And without reason. It was the most hellish two weeks of sixth grade. But then, just as if nothing had happened, I was welcomed back into the fold. And then we did it to someone else in the group. What wicked little beasts sixth grade girls are.

CHARACTER
Do you have a personal motto? What is it?

Don't take anything too seriously.

THOUGHT
What movie/play do you quote from most often? What is the quote?

"Total fucking silence." said by Steve Buscemi's character in Fargo. I usually say it when there is a lull in conversation, and I try to do it in my best North Dakotan accent.

Taking a close second would be, "Mmm! That IS a tasty burger!" said by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

DICTION
Give three adjectives that describe your hair.

I'll describe it as it is right now.
Wavy, crunchy, bangin' (TM Jonathan Antin)

SOUND
Is there a jingle or tune from an ad that you can't get out of your head? What is it?

This will only make sense if you are from northeast Ohio...
Garfield 1, 2-3 2-3, Garfield 1, 2-3 2-3

SPECTACLE
List three places on Earth that you would like to visit before you die.

Australia
Hawaii
Italy

The big game
Well, it's that time of year, that time when my blog picks up some extra traffic because once, one time, I mentioned the phrase "anti-Michigan jokes."

So in the spirit of giving, I thought I'd post a few that I've heard recently... keeping in mind that I bleed maize and blue.

And here we go...

Q: What kind of car does Jim Tressel own?
A: LLOYD CARR!

*slaps knee*

Q: How many U of M students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One... but he gets three college credits for it!

*HAR HAR!!!!!*

And finally...

Did you hear there was a fire at U of M yesterday? It was in the football players' locker room. Twenty books were destroyed! But the real tragedy is... five of them hadn't been colored yet!

*ROFLMAO!!!11111one1111111!!!!*

OK, OSU fans, go back to crushing beer cans on your heads and scaring small children. Nothing to see here.

GO BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He can dance if he wants to
When my husband went to pick up Doodle from day care on Friday afternoon, he learned that Doodle has a new nickname...

Dan Dan the Dancin' Machine

Now I have to wonder. What kind of moves has my son been busting at school to merit this?

Office Update
I thought I would update y'all with some snippets of what's been going on in this crazy ol' workplace of mine.

Incompetent but Likeable has been working with a personal trainer. (See: jump rope story) but now has taken it one step further -- by learning how to box. This is the most uncoordinated, goofy guy you ever want to meet, who is now throwing punches at a sparring partner. Not to mention, he's been showing off his moves in the office. And doing some kind of yoga moves. Picture Daniel-san in the Karate Kid, up on one leg, and then picture a bald guy in his 50's doing that pose, and you'll get the idea. Again, he practices these moves in the office.

Kindly Old Granny Admin has been slipping into phases of major forgetfulness. We had a meeting a couple of weeks ago, and she went around to each of us, told us when it was, and then she herself did not show to the meeting, appeared confused when someone came and got her, and said she didn't know we were having a meeting. Sad. I don't know if she even realizes. There are many other instances that I won't detail here, but suffice to say, it's been happening a lot lately.

All the bosses are out at some boss retreat thing, so the office has been very quiet. Except for the Office Spy, who I think secretly thinks she is running the office. She is the one who says "knock knock" when she comes to my cube. It makes my skin crawl when she does it.

At this boss' retreat, apparently they're at some posh resort, and my boss and a buddy went skeet shooting today. I'm just waiting for the report on this one. I sent him a text yesterday that said, "You'll shoot your eye out!"

Bad Lady has been surprisingly pleasant lately, so much so that I might have to change her nickname to "Not So Bad After All Lady". Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, though, huh.

Fall back
Apparently Doodle didn't get the memo about Daylight Savings Time. How are you supposed to explain to a baby (or two cats who want you to get up and give them breakfast, for that matter) that your routine has suddenly changed by one hour? Doodle was so out of whack yesterday that he was exhausted by 6:30, despite our best attempts to keep him awake. And you know the old saying, early to bed, early to rise... well, he rose at FOUR. That's right, four a.m. Even if the clocks hadn't changed, which would mean that it was actually five a.m., this is a totally unacceptable wake-up time for our household. There's nothing on t.v., and I'm too tired to try and watch something that I've tivoed.

In other Doodle news, the little budding genius has added a new word to his vocab: ELMO. He still doesn't call me "mommy" in context, but he can identify his favorite red, furry annoying puppet.

So for those keeping score at home, here are the words Doodle can say at the proper time...
Kitty
Uh-oh
Hi
Bye
Dad
Elmo

*mutters under breath*

Lost and found
This will tell you all you need to know about how clean my house is.

I was reading this book. The title is irrelevant, but it was one that I really enjoyed, when I could find the time to read, which is not that often.

The last time I got my hair done, which was about 4 weeks ago, I brought this book with me to read while my color was setting. Of course, I never read the books I read when I go to the salon, because they have People magazine there, and that is the only place that I feel I can read People without too much shame.

A couple weeks later, I had a doctor's appointment. I went to look for that book to take with me to the waiting room. I looked high and low, and couldn't find it. It wasn't under the bed, on a bookshelf (!!), on the kitchen table, under the pile of mail, or under the living room sofa. I thought maybe Doodle had taken it somewhere, but none of the usual hiding places (Pack and Play, basement, beneath crib) yielded any results. I then remembered that I had last seen this book when I took it to my hair appointment, and that I must have left it there. I even went so far as to ask my stylist if she had seen it.

This morning, I was in a "what to wear to work" crisis, nearing meltdown status. It's cold outside but not winter yet, so it's not time to break out the winter ensemble, but the fall clothes that I have aren't warm enough, and my black pants were too wrinkled, etc. So I was tearing through my closet, and remembered a certain blouse that I haven't worn in a while. Here comes the part where I reveal the squalor that I am living in. I thought that it was in a laundry basket of unfolded clothes in the bedroom. I rifled through the laundry basket, and -- voila -- not only the blouse, but my missing book! So that means, roughly, at least four weeks have passed since I folded this particular batch of laundry.

I could try and justify it by saying that most of the time, I'm folding laundry at night, after Doodle has gone to bed. And, my closet is still in Doodle's room. So I can't hang up those clothes while Doodle's sleeping. Thus they go back into the basket, for hanging up at a time when Doodle is awake. And it's one of those things where it's out of sight, out of mind. But still. Four weeks? And that's being generous!

Oh well. At least I can finish my book. Someday.

Further proof that he's a genius


It's Doodle! I'm telling you, the kid's heading straight for Mensa.

Public enemy #1


It's that time of year.
Our old friend, Mr. Pumpkin, comes out of his 11-month hiatus on the top shelf in our copy room and brings forth a bounty of sugary goodness.

During the entire month of October, my boss fills this plastic, grinning, hollowed out pumpkinhead with various goodies to please all the ghouls and boys around the office.

Because we're all whiny bitches, we've been asking for Mr. Pumpkin to make an early appearance -- but today was actually his debut for 2006. Current booty: Snickers, Butterfingers, Peanut M&Ms, and Twizzlers. I've had two Twizzlers already, and the day is young.

I'll have trouble fitting into my clothes by month's end. When it comes to candy, I have absolutely no control over myself. I know it's bad for me, and yet if it's there, I'll eat it. You should see my desk drawer after we visit the candy store nearby. It's a sickness. A sweet, sweet sickness.

Come to mama.

Road trip
This coming Friday, please pray for me. If you don't pray, send me some good vibrations.

My entire department is taking a road trip.

We're going to meet with our counterparts at our parent company. This fact alone is good reason for the Hail Marys. Making it worse? Incompetent but Likeable volunteered to drive.

Short of my 86 year old grandmother, IBL is THE scariest driver on the road. I once had to go with him to take pictures at an event, and I became very acquainted with the curbs of the suburban streets on which we were driving. I can't imagine what a long distance drive with IBL would be like, and more importantly, I will not do it. I have a child to think about. Who needs his mother.

Thankfully, I told my boss I would drive with him, and since he drives BELOW the speed limit, I think I have a fighting chance of surviving at least the driving part. We'll see what happens when we reach our destination.

Dancin'
I watched this show last night for the first time that has apparently been popular for quite some time now. It was called "So the Stars Think They Can Dance."

Frankly, I don't get it. Maybe I just don't appreciate ballroom dancing, or know the little nuances, but when I see that chick who used to be married to the tatooed skinny guy from Blink One Hundred and Eighty-Two (tm my father-in-law)cuttin' a rug to an orchestral version of Kris Kross' "Jump", I have to scratch my head.

I'm all for the cheese factor. But this was boring cheese. Moldy cheese. Fromunda cheese.

The only high point was when A.C. Slater's trainer punched his lights out. Heh.

The only problem is, there's nothing else on on Tuesday nights, so I just may end up watching this nonsense again. I need help.

Knockoff
I'm pretty sure I'm in possession of a sketchy purse.

A few days ago, I went to a little gathering at someone's house, and there were some "designer" purses for sale there. Think Tupperware, but handbags.

Um, it wasn't me. It was a friend of mine. Actually, I wouldn't call them a friend so much as an acquaintence. A stranger really. I'm making this all up.

So anyway, this fictitious person who went to this non-existent purse party picked up a sharp little number that is a dead-on replica of a ... famous designer whose name starts with Kate and ends with Spade.

It's so dead-on that to this totally made-up person (who is DEFINITELY not me, nor any of my friends or relatives) wouldn't know the real deal from the not-so-real deal. This made-up character isn't really brand-savvy to begin with, but it looks authentic. And so did all the other purses at the party. So this girl, who I don't even really know, is beginning to think that maybe these ARE real, and that they fell off a truck somewhere.

This woman, who I have completely made up in my mind, as well as this party, because it certainly never happened, was a little bit sketched out when the woman who brought all the purses to the party had me, I mean her, make the check out to "cash."

Now my fictitious friend is having buyer's remorse and hasn't even used this fake Kate once. For now, she still uses her trusty old purse purchased from the designer boutique known as Tarjay.

Evs
Ah, so another summer show has run its course. Can I get an amen?

Rockstar: Supernova (also known as Rocktard -- thank you to whatever HT'er coined this term) ended last night, and glammed up rocker Lukas was the winner.

Evs.

I was a Magni fan myself. As a whole I think the Supernova originals were unimpressive, and the rocker contestants' tracks had much more potential.

I just heard on the radio that Supernova cannot keep that band name, as there is another Supernova that sued them for the rights to the name. The other Supernova won.

I have a suggestion for them, and it's a good one: Savage Animal. I'm sure Sebastian Bach won't mind.

What's even funnier
Is that later that day, after the jump rope incident, IBL was pegged on the head by a beach ball. In our office. He was not the intended target, but an innocent bystander. He was in a co-worker's cube, and another co-worker threw the beach ball over the cubicle wall, not knowing that IBL was in there. Much hilarity ensued.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
This morning, in my boss' office

I'll share, because it's one that I want to remember for when I write my tell-all book about my place of employ.

Apparently, IBL works out. With a trainer. Which is funny enough on its own, but only if you know the guy.

So... he's working out, with the trainer, and they're jumping rope. Which is funny enough on its own, but only if you know the guy.

So... he's jumping rope, and somehow his foot gets caught in the rope, he goes down, and sprains his ankle. Which is funny enough... you know the drill.

What we were cracking up about, however, was imagining the people who got to witness this firsthand. IBL is anything but graceful. He startles when people approach his desk. He walks into things all the time. He walks backwards down the halls of the office. With his tongue out. So the jump rope incident had to be nothing short of a train wreck. I'm sure the personal trainer and about 4 or 5 other people got tangled in the rope, there was property damage involved, the whole nine.

OK, I guess it's only funny if you know the guy.

Mailing it in

I saw this on one of my myspace friends' bulletins, and usually I don't do memes, but this one looked like fun...

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
yes

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
I don't think so, but it's been a while since I've been on one, so I don't remember.

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Hmm. 8th grade?

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I sleep with someone else every night, but truth be told, I'm a bedhog.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Not until one comes up and smacks me upside the head.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Only on Tuesdays

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
Is the sky blue?

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Rachel, all the way!

9. Do you stay friends with your exs?
Not usually

10. Do you know how to play poker?
Not at all ;)

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I love sleeping way too much.

12. What's your favorite commercial?
The Geico Caveman commercials. "I'll have the roast duck, with the mango salsa..."
"I don't have much of an appetite, thanks."

13. What are you allergic to?
Strangely, nothing.

14. What is right to the right of you?
Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, several piles of CDs, and a printer.

15. Have you ever had a Choco Taco?
I think so but they're not as good as Cookiepuss.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Satan or Beezlebub? Do I HAVE to choose?

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Took lessons and was on my way to being a pro; had it not been for the song "Thriller" for Michael Jackson I might be chillin' with Michelle Kwan right about now! (I was terrified of the Vincent Price laugh part of this song when I was 5 or 6, and they played it at the rink where I took lessons, so every time the song came on I had to hide in the bathroom. Eventually I just quit taking lessons from the trauma of the evil laughter.)

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Pretty much every day.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
This morning, in my boss' office

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
I'll name my five favorites:
Michelle
Something (all-time favorite -- might be on my top 10 favorite songs of all)
If I Fell
Yesterday
While My Guitar Gently Weeps

21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
getting to bed

22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Abso-frickin-lutely.

23. Do you put salt on a turkey dinner?
not usually

24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
That's me, goody two shoes.

25 what cell service do you use?
cingular

26. Do you like Sushi?
*hurls*

27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
*knocks on wood*

28. What do you wear to bed?
Some t-shirt/short combo. Tonight: an Ohio U tee and mens boxers that I've probably worn since 8th grade

29. Been caught stealing?
See answer 24

30. Have you ever been on the funny website?
what the hell does this even mean?

31. Do you truly hate anyone?
As my husband asked his brother: "Do you hate people yet?"
"No, not yet."

32. Classic Rock or Rap?
Classic rap.

33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
*mulls*
Ryan Adams.

34. Have you ever been punched in the face?
No chick fights.

35. What food do you find disgusting?
Raw tomatoes (but not cooked ones), all fish, raw onions (but not cooked ones), raw mushrooms (but not cooked ones), cauliflower, veal, cool ranch doritoes, probably many more if I really gave it some thought.

36. Do you sing in the shower?
I'm a shower supah-stah!

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
If I did, I don't recall.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Yes. Today. And the day before.

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Probably?

40. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
The mirror is my biggest fan.

The day after the holiday
What's the best thing about today?
It's Tuesday.
What's the worst thing about today?
It's Tuesday.

My holiday weekend was exhausting. Not because I did a ton of stuff, but because I was with a certain 13-month-old who just discovered the fine art of walking, and wants to do it ALL. THE. TIME. The aforementioned 13-m.o. also developed a cold sometime during the weekend and turned into a snot faucet. Trying to wipe his nose? Not so fun for him or me.

I haven't really had much to post about lately, I don't know if that's just because my life is that boring, which it is, or if I have been finding other ways to amuse myself online. Or both.

I will now return to my afternoon of eating candy at my desk and ticking off the seconds until 5 o'clock.

Rest in peace, mate.

Too Tired to Eat

I see dead people... but it could be because I'm STONED OFF MY ASS!

From Associated Press
August 17, 2006 7:51 PM EDT
GLENDALE, Calif. - Teen actor Haley Joel Osment, who suffered a broken rib last month when his car struck a mailbox, faces up to six months in jail on charges that he was driving drunk and possessing marijuana, authorities said.

Osment's blood-alcohol level after the July 20 crash was measured at .16 percent, twice the legal limit, said Jane Robison, a spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County district attorney's office.

The 18-year-old actor was charged Thursday with misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence, marijuana possession and driving under the influence with the special allegation of having a blood-alcohol content of .15 percent or higher. He also faces a vehicle code infraction of being under the age of 21 and driving with a blood-alcohol level of .05 percent or greater.

Osment was scheduled to be arraigned Sept. 19 in Glendale Superior Court.

His attorney will work with authorities to arrange a time for the star of such films as "The Sixth Sense" and "Pay it Forward" to surrender, Robison said. The district attorney plans to request that bail be set at $15,000.

DreamWorks spokesman and family friend Marvin Levy said Thursday the family would have "no comment at this time" on the charges. Levy said Wednesday that Osment has recovered from injuries that landed him in the hospital and is preparing to attend college in the fall.

The actor recently finished work on the film "Home of the Giants."

"He's fine. The injuries were slight, not serious," Levy said.

Authorities said Osment was driving home alone about 1 a.m. when his 1995 Saturn hit a mailbox and flipped over.

Shameful
This afternoon at lunch, I was sitting out at the picnic table with some co-workers and someone said, "Let's not go back in."

Without thinking, I said, "I'll co-sign that."
Horrifying. I used a bb-ism.

Bits and pieces

1. Twice within the past week, acquaintences of mine have asked me, upon first seeing me, if I'm pregnant. So this has me freaked out because either a) I'm pregnant; or b) I look pregnant. Maybe that trip to the candy store really didn't help me out too much in that respect.
2. Doodle took about 8 or 9 steps yesterday, from the TV stand, across the living room, to me, where I was sitting in a rocking chair. He was wearing just a onesie so it was hilarious to see his little skinny bird legs come toddling toward me. I'll have to make a movie of it soon.
3. Over the weekend I volunteered at the zoo, as part of a child safety campaign for my company. It involved standing in a tent and fingerprinting a ton of little kids. Two slightly amusing things happened there:

• Two really cute girls who looked to be sisters, maybe 6 or 7 years old, came up with their parents. One proudly declared, "I'm getting a baby brother!" And, for some strange reason, I asked, "Is this your sister?" At which point, the mom said, "No, this is the aunt and the neice, even though they're only three months apart!" Well, shut my mouth. Will never ask familial questions AGAIN.
• This will only be relevant to Clevelanders: ageless meterologist Dick Goddard walked up to our tent and asked me where the amphitheater was. I had no idea, which is what I told him, and he was gone before it even registered to me that Dick Goddard had just asked me where the amphitheater was.

If ever I were to hurl at work, it would be today
Note to self: do not eat leftover taco casserole for lunch and then agree to go here. Hello, sugar shock. How I've missed you.

An August Post
Wow. It's August already? Who knew!
I haven't really had anything post-worthy to say lately, but when has that stopped me before! Haw!

Doodle has been attempting to walk, but the large goose-egg sized bruises on his head are testament to the fact that he's just not ready yet.

Lots of family drama, but nothing that I want to spew forth to the Internet at large.

Been watching the hamsters but they're so goddamned boring.

I played wayyyyyyyy to much mahjong on the computer last night... I can still see the tiles in my head when I close my eyes.

That's all I got.

Responsible parenting
I got a call from day care this afternoon. Which usually means that I am leaving work several minutes later to come pick up a feverish, or vomiting, Doodle.

However, today they were just calling me to report an "incident" that had occurred while Doodle was sitting at the infant table. Apparently he grabbed a bottle that was on the table that wasn't his and started to drink it. The bottle contained breast milk.

I'm not sure if I was supposed to be alarmed or upset at this news, but I was neither/nor. I just said, "Ok, thanks for letting me know," and that was that.

Call me crazy, but breast milk is probably the most healthy thing he put in his mouth today.

I think it's because I've seen Doodle eat a clump of cat hair/dust bunny material, and nothing bad happened to him then. OK, he really didn't eat it as much as it was hanging from his bottom lip for what probably qualifies as "more time than a good parent would allow."

Fun and games at the company event
Last night was my company's "Family Night" at the Indians game. Before the game there was a big tailgate party in a parking lot near the Jake.

All was going well until this guy showed up:


Never trust a gorilla in an assless hula skirt, I always say.

To err is human...
An e-mail arrived this morning fresh from my boss' brain with our "thought for the day." This isn't something he does every day, just today, actually.

It said something like this. "In order to maintain our high standard of quality, please always error [emphasis mine] on the side of caution and send all materials to our proofreader before we go to print."

Sensing an opportunity to be a smartass and delighting in the irony that he committed a grammatical gaffe in an e-mail pertaining to catching just such things, I replied to his e-mail with, "Actually, it's 'err' on the side of caution, but, point taken."

Then he replied with some other smartass remark. I'm glad I have a boss with a sense of humor.

Two revelations that will make me sleep easier at night
I don't know if you have heard this or not, but Oprah? NOT gay. That's right, she's not gay! That ends the age-long speculation that... oh wait, NO ONE THOUGHT she was gay in the first place! However, why the sudden mention of the non-gayness? It's almost like it's damage control. Like the adage says, "she who smelt it, dealt it."

And thankfully, Suri Cruise has been spotted. By a fellow scientologist, Leah Remini. OK. That clears that up. Phew. I'm compiling a list of potential future daughters-in-law, and I wanted to make sure Suri was still in the dating pool. I don't care how crazy her parents are. I want to retire a wealthy woman.

Beautiful Birthday Boy



Close your eyes
Have no fear,
The monsters gone,
He's on the run,
And your [mommy's] here,



Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy.



Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,



Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy.



Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both
Just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime,


Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans,



Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy.
-John Lennon "Beautiful Boy"

Smashing

More to come tomorrow.

So, tell me if you think this is weird...
Doodle's birthday party is this Saturday. It's a family affair. I don't exactly know how many people are coming, but that's another post.

So a couple weekends ago, we're over at the in-laws' house. My hubby's younger brother has this new girlfriend. New within the past year. He was visiting her while we were there. So while we're there, he calls and asks if HER PARENTS can come to Doodle's birthday.

My first reaction was, why would they WANT to? Am I to be hosting a "meet the parents" gig at my house?

My second reaction was, sure, if they bring a present.

Strange
This morning, the turnpike lady, who I don't even see all that often, noticed that I changed my hair color. What does this say about me? I'm not sure. I just feel kinda weird about it.

Thought for the day
Just because you can make a movie like "Little Man," doesn't mean that you should.

It's official
Summer cannot officially begin until I hear DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince "Summertime." And now I have, and so it can.

Other summer songs:
Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams
Summertime Rolls - Janes Addiction
Summer Breeze - Seals and Crofts
Summer Nights - Travolta/Newton-John

Hmm. *makes mix on Rhapsody*

Just another Monday
By a show of hands, who else is in the office today?



...


That's pretty much what I thought.

A day at the beach

OK, not really. Doodle got his 1-year old pics taken this weekend. Check out the rest of the pics here.