Friday, June 27

Already a typical man

Doodle and I have this complicated bathtime game involving twenty or so small die-cast metal cars. He drives one of the cars up onto the side of the tub, to where I am sitting. I must say hello to the car as it approaches, and goodbye to it as it turns and lines up behind the previous car. I must address the car by name.

Most of the cars he owns are from the Disney/Pixar movie, so they have come with names already assigned to them. Other, unnamed cars, have easily identifiable nomenclature such as "taxi cab", "van", "white van", "Citgo #21", etc.

But he has recently, ahem, "acquired" several new cars (thanks to us leaving him with grandma while we went to the Indians game Tuesday night...). They made their bathtime debut last night. So when a new one drove up for me to greet it, I stumbled. "Hi ... what's your name?" I asked. My son made up a name. "Red Car" was one.

"Hi, Red Car, what are you doing?" I asked, putting a twist on the game.

"I'm going vroom vroom splash!" my son said, or something like that. It's kind of hard to recreate onomatopoeia.

Every subsequent car had to be greeted with "Hi, what's your name?" even if I knew it was Lightning McQueen, Citgo #21, white van, etc. And then I had to ask every car what it was doing. They all answered with some variation of the "vroom vroom splash" response.

EXCEPT for Sally.

Sally is Lightning McQueen's girlfriend in the movie "Cars" and she also has the dubious distinction of being the only female car in our collection. So when I asked Sally what she was doing, I got a bit of a different response: "Going shopping."


Then Sally chuffed off, apparently in search of a Bloomingdales.

Monday, June 23

My office building is a modest four floors, and is equipped with not one, but two elevators.

I imagine in larger office buildings, the elevator traffic is much more dense, but the same set of rules which I am about to lay down certainly would apply.

First of all, there is a set walking distance from the elevator where one is expected to hold the door/have the door held. In my office building, I will hold the door for you if I a) you are several paces behind me, but I know you; b) see you coming through the door and you are within shouting distance for me to ask whether you're going up. A good general rule is if you make direct eye contact with a person coming through the door, you should probably hold the elevator for them.

Button pushing. My general rule is, if I get in first, I will press your floor button. If you get in first, please press my button. If I know what floor you're going to, I'll press it for you. (With only four floors, two of them occupied by my company, I do this pretty often.)

Once inside the elevator, there are boundaries. I will take up space in a back corner. With one other passenger, they should take the opposite diagonal corner. If a third enters, passenger #2 should step into the back corner opposite me, leaving passenger #3 in a front corner. If there are more than three people in the elevator, please observe the rules of personal space.

Conversation. With such a short ride, I don't expect it, nor in the morning, do I want it. If you talk to me, I'll answer, but I'm not going to ask you how the weather is.

Last but not least, if you are in the elevator and you are cleaning it in the middle of the day (we have the cleanest elevator in the WORLD), please do not try and hold a conversation with my boobs.