Skinny pants
I have on new pants today. They're grey pinstripe pants that I bought for about fifteen bucks at a store I'm too ashamed to admit I shop at.

Anyhow, one of my co-workers told me that they make me look skinny and now, I am going to wear these pants every day for the rest of my life.

Holiday Greetings

Since I don't have the lion's share of your addresses, here is a version of the Doodle Christmas card that I sent out this year.

Happy holidays to all of you... and thanks for reading.

Meme This (#3)
Courtesy of Mensch

PLOT
What's your secret TV show? The one that you don't tell anyone that you watch/like but do.

The O.C. Although it's the first show where I could actually see it jumping the shark as it was happening, instead of looking back to a particular moment in time where a show jumped the shark. And that would be when Marissa died.

CHARACTER
Do you have good posture?

Horrible. Call me Quasimodo. I'm working on correcting it. I hunch over really bad at work especially.


THOUGHT
What are your three favorite blogs?

Don't put me on the spot!
Oh, ok, if you insist.
Dooce
Ze Frank (will you marry me?)
Tuna News

DICTION
How would you describe your taste in music?

All over the map. But excluding country.

SOUND
Fingernails on the chalkboard. Annoying habit or pain inducing torture device?

Fingernails on the chalkboard is a bad one... scraping ice... any metal dragging on the ground, like when someone drags a metal chair.


SPECTACLE
Describe a family or work drama. With narrative.

Brain too fried to attempt this one. May come back to at a later date.
/end cop-out

Meme This! (#2)

PLOT
What person(s) has impacted the direction of your life either professionally or spiritually?

Professionally... I guess I'd have to say my boss. For all the bitching I do about work, I really do like him, and he has given me some incredible opportunities here.

Spiritually, I don't know. I don't really think of myself as a spiritual person, maybe it was all the Catholic school. I'll blame the nuns.

CHARACTER
What bad habit do you promise to kick but never actually do?

Biting my nails. I don't do it as bad as I used to, but when I'm stressin', the nails are the first thing to go.

THOUGHT
How many books do you read each month? What are you reading now?

I used to be a much better reader. Now I average about a book a year. I think I may have finished one this year (but started it last year) and just finished another. I have a third that I am almost done with.

Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
The Master Butcher's Singing Club by Louise Erdich

DICTION
List three of the most misused (or mispronounced) words in the English language?

Nuclear: Nu-clee-ar, not Nu-cue-lar
Realtor: Real-tor, not rel-a-tor
Coke: POP not SODA

SOUND
What can you hear right now while you are answering this question?
Kindly Old Granny Admin on the phone and IBL wandering up the hallway with change jingling in his pocket

SPECTACLE
What an "over the top" luxury that you cannot do without?

My DVR. Which died on Friday! I lost over 40 hours of television that I hadn't watched yet.

I feel ... strangely liberated.

The Dancin' Machine in Action

Watch him get down.

Doodle Bops
I've been in denial for a few weeks now.

One Saturday morning, in desperation to find something on television to appease my sixteen-month-old, I stumbled across three frighteningly-painted, flamboyant adults who dance and sing and talk to puppets. Doodle was instantly transfixed, much to my horror. Since then, the Doodlebops have become part of our daily ritual, so much so that I tape it during the day for us to watch in the evenings.

So we're watching it the other day, all of us, my husband included, when my husband turns to me and says, "You know what? I think we enjoy this show more than he does."

What? That's ridiculOH MY GOD HE'S RIGHT.

Somehow, this kids show, with these freaky deaky people, and their surprisingly catchy songs, has become something I actually look forward to watching. Maybe it has something to do with how much Doodle enjoys it. In fact, he recently added the word "Dee Dee" (she's the cute one in the purple) to his vocabulary. But actually? It's not too bad. Once you get past the fact that Rooney and Moe are obviously lovers.

The Mensch Meme
*gasp*
Two posts in one day? What is this, 2004?
I had been having some problems with Blogger in Beta, but it turned out that I just needed to clear my cache. Out out, damn cache!

Mensch posted her own meme and threw down the gauntlet, so to speak, for responses. Damn, these were hard! They made me think and stuff! But here are my answers...

PLOT
What is the meanest thing someone has done to you?

Sixth grade. My little clique of friends decided to oust me from the clique. Just for like two weeks. And without reason. It was the most hellish two weeks of sixth grade. But then, just as if nothing had happened, I was welcomed back into the fold. And then we did it to someone else in the group. What wicked little beasts sixth grade girls are.

CHARACTER
Do you have a personal motto? What is it?

Don't take anything too seriously.

THOUGHT
What movie/play do you quote from most often? What is the quote?

"Total fucking silence." said by Steve Buscemi's character in Fargo. I usually say it when there is a lull in conversation, and I try to do it in my best North Dakotan accent.

Taking a close second would be, "Mmm! That IS a tasty burger!" said by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

DICTION
Give three adjectives that describe your hair.

I'll describe it as it is right now.
Wavy, crunchy, bangin' (TM Jonathan Antin)

SOUND
Is there a jingle or tune from an ad that you can't get out of your head? What is it?

This will only make sense if you are from northeast Ohio...
Garfield 1, 2-3 2-3, Garfield 1, 2-3 2-3

SPECTACLE
List three places on Earth that you would like to visit before you die.

Australia
Hawaii
Italy

The big game
Well, it's that time of year, that time when my blog picks up some extra traffic because once, one time, I mentioned the phrase "anti-Michigan jokes."

So in the spirit of giving, I thought I'd post a few that I've heard recently... keeping in mind that I bleed maize and blue.

And here we go...

Q: What kind of car does Jim Tressel own?
A: LLOYD CARR!

*slaps knee*

Q: How many U of M students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One... but he gets three college credits for it!

*HAR HAR!!!!!*

And finally...

Did you hear there was a fire at U of M yesterday? It was in the football players' locker room. Twenty books were destroyed! But the real tragedy is... five of them hadn't been colored yet!

*ROFLMAO!!!11111one1111111!!!!*

OK, OSU fans, go back to crushing beer cans on your heads and scaring small children. Nothing to see here.

GO BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He can dance if he wants to
When my husband went to pick up Doodle from day care on Friday afternoon, he learned that Doodle has a new nickname...

Dan Dan the Dancin' Machine

Now I have to wonder. What kind of moves has my son been busting at school to merit this?

Office Update
I thought I would update y'all with some snippets of what's been going on in this crazy ol' workplace of mine.

Incompetent but Likeable has been working with a personal trainer. (See: jump rope story) but now has taken it one step further -- by learning how to box. This is the most uncoordinated, goofy guy you ever want to meet, who is now throwing punches at a sparring partner. Not to mention, he's been showing off his moves in the office. And doing some kind of yoga moves. Picture Daniel-san in the Karate Kid, up on one leg, and then picture a bald guy in his 50's doing that pose, and you'll get the idea. Again, he practices these moves in the office.

Kindly Old Granny Admin has been slipping into phases of major forgetfulness. We had a meeting a couple of weeks ago, and she went around to each of us, told us when it was, and then she herself did not show to the meeting, appeared confused when someone came and got her, and said she didn't know we were having a meeting. Sad. I don't know if she even realizes. There are many other instances that I won't detail here, but suffice to say, it's been happening a lot lately.

All the bosses are out at some boss retreat thing, so the office has been very quiet. Except for the Office Spy, who I think secretly thinks she is running the office. She is the one who says "knock knock" when she comes to my cube. It makes my skin crawl when she does it.

At this boss' retreat, apparently they're at some posh resort, and my boss and a buddy went skeet shooting today. I'm just waiting for the report on this one. I sent him a text yesterday that said, "You'll shoot your eye out!"

Bad Lady has been surprisingly pleasant lately, so much so that I might have to change her nickname to "Not So Bad After All Lady". Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, though, huh.

Fall back
Apparently Doodle didn't get the memo about Daylight Savings Time. How are you supposed to explain to a baby (or two cats who want you to get up and give them breakfast, for that matter) that your routine has suddenly changed by one hour? Doodle was so out of whack yesterday that he was exhausted by 6:30, despite our best attempts to keep him awake. And you know the old saying, early to bed, early to rise... well, he rose at FOUR. That's right, four a.m. Even if the clocks hadn't changed, which would mean that it was actually five a.m., this is a totally unacceptable wake-up time for our household. There's nothing on t.v., and I'm too tired to try and watch something that I've tivoed.

In other Doodle news, the little budding genius has added a new word to his vocab: ELMO. He still doesn't call me "mommy" in context, but he can identify his favorite red, furry annoying puppet.

So for those keeping score at home, here are the words Doodle can say at the proper time...
Kitty
Uh-oh
Hi
Bye
Dad
Elmo

*mutters under breath*

Lost and found
This will tell you all you need to know about how clean my house is.

I was reading this book. The title is irrelevant, but it was one that I really enjoyed, when I could find the time to read, which is not that often.

The last time I got my hair done, which was about 4 weeks ago, I brought this book with me to read while my color was setting. Of course, I never read the books I read when I go to the salon, because they have People magazine there, and that is the only place that I feel I can read People without too much shame.

A couple weeks later, I had a doctor's appointment. I went to look for that book to take with me to the waiting room. I looked high and low, and couldn't find it. It wasn't under the bed, on a bookshelf (!!), on the kitchen table, under the pile of mail, or under the living room sofa. I thought maybe Doodle had taken it somewhere, but none of the usual hiding places (Pack and Play, basement, beneath crib) yielded any results. I then remembered that I had last seen this book when I took it to my hair appointment, and that I must have left it there. I even went so far as to ask my stylist if she had seen it.

This morning, I was in a "what to wear to work" crisis, nearing meltdown status. It's cold outside but not winter yet, so it's not time to break out the winter ensemble, but the fall clothes that I have aren't warm enough, and my black pants were too wrinkled, etc. So I was tearing through my closet, and remembered a certain blouse that I haven't worn in a while. Here comes the part where I reveal the squalor that I am living in. I thought that it was in a laundry basket of unfolded clothes in the bedroom. I rifled through the laundry basket, and -- voila -- not only the blouse, but my missing book! So that means, roughly, at least four weeks have passed since I folded this particular batch of laundry.

I could try and justify it by saying that most of the time, I'm folding laundry at night, after Doodle has gone to bed. And, my closet is still in Doodle's room. So I can't hang up those clothes while Doodle's sleeping. Thus they go back into the basket, for hanging up at a time when Doodle is awake. And it's one of those things where it's out of sight, out of mind. But still. Four weeks? And that's being generous!

Oh well. At least I can finish my book. Someday.

Further proof that he's a genius


It's Doodle! I'm telling you, the kid's heading straight for Mensa.

Public enemy #1


It's that time of year.
Our old friend, Mr. Pumpkin, comes out of his 11-month hiatus on the top shelf in our copy room and brings forth a bounty of sugary goodness.

During the entire month of October, my boss fills this plastic, grinning, hollowed out pumpkinhead with various goodies to please all the ghouls and boys around the office.

Because we're all whiny bitches, we've been asking for Mr. Pumpkin to make an early appearance -- but today was actually his debut for 2006. Current booty: Snickers, Butterfingers, Peanut M&Ms, and Twizzlers. I've had two Twizzlers already, and the day is young.

I'll have trouble fitting into my clothes by month's end. When it comes to candy, I have absolutely no control over myself. I know it's bad for me, and yet if it's there, I'll eat it. You should see my desk drawer after we visit the candy store nearby. It's a sickness. A sweet, sweet sickness.

Come to mama.

Road trip
This coming Friday, please pray for me. If you don't pray, send me some good vibrations.

My entire department is taking a road trip.

We're going to meet with our counterparts at our parent company. This fact alone is good reason for the Hail Marys. Making it worse? Incompetent but Likeable volunteered to drive.

Short of my 86 year old grandmother, IBL is THE scariest driver on the road. I once had to go with him to take pictures at an event, and I became very acquainted with the curbs of the suburban streets on which we were driving. I can't imagine what a long distance drive with IBL would be like, and more importantly, I will not do it. I have a child to think about. Who needs his mother.

Thankfully, I told my boss I would drive with him, and since he drives BELOW the speed limit, I think I have a fighting chance of surviving at least the driving part. We'll see what happens when we reach our destination.

Dancin'
I watched this show last night for the first time that has apparently been popular for quite some time now. It was called "So the Stars Think They Can Dance."

Frankly, I don't get it. Maybe I just don't appreciate ballroom dancing, or know the little nuances, but when I see that chick who used to be married to the tatooed skinny guy from Blink One Hundred and Eighty-Two (tm my father-in-law)cuttin' a rug to an orchestral version of Kris Kross' "Jump", I have to scratch my head.

I'm all for the cheese factor. But this was boring cheese. Moldy cheese. Fromunda cheese.

The only high point was when A.C. Slater's trainer punched his lights out. Heh.

The only problem is, there's nothing else on on Tuesday nights, so I just may end up watching this nonsense again. I need help.

Knockoff
I'm pretty sure I'm in possession of a sketchy purse.

A few days ago, I went to a little gathering at someone's house, and there were some "designer" purses for sale there. Think Tupperware, but handbags.

Um, it wasn't me. It was a friend of mine. Actually, I wouldn't call them a friend so much as an acquaintence. A stranger really. I'm making this all up.

So anyway, this fictitious person who went to this non-existent purse party picked up a sharp little number that is a dead-on replica of a ... famous designer whose name starts with Kate and ends with Spade.

It's so dead-on that to this totally made-up person (who is DEFINITELY not me, nor any of my friends or relatives) wouldn't know the real deal from the not-so-real deal. This made-up character isn't really brand-savvy to begin with, but it looks authentic. And so did all the other purses at the party. So this girl, who I don't even really know, is beginning to think that maybe these ARE real, and that they fell off a truck somewhere.

This woman, who I have completely made up in my mind, as well as this party, because it certainly never happened, was a little bit sketched out when the woman who brought all the purses to the party had me, I mean her, make the check out to "cash."

Now my fictitious friend is having buyer's remorse and hasn't even used this fake Kate once. For now, she still uses her trusty old purse purchased from the designer boutique known as Tarjay.

Evs
Ah, so another summer show has run its course. Can I get an amen?

Rockstar: Supernova (also known as Rocktard -- thank you to whatever HT'er coined this term) ended last night, and glammed up rocker Lukas was the winner.

Evs.

I was a Magni fan myself. As a whole I think the Supernova originals were unimpressive, and the rocker contestants' tracks had much more potential.

I just heard on the radio that Supernova cannot keep that band name, as there is another Supernova that sued them for the rights to the name. The other Supernova won.

I have a suggestion for them, and it's a good one: Savage Animal. I'm sure Sebastian Bach won't mind.

What's even funnier
Is that later that day, after the jump rope incident, IBL was pegged on the head by a beach ball. In our office. He was not the intended target, but an innocent bystander. He was in a co-worker's cube, and another co-worker threw the beach ball over the cubicle wall, not knowing that IBL was in there. Much hilarity ensued.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
This morning, in my boss' office

I'll share, because it's one that I want to remember for when I write my tell-all book about my place of employ.

Apparently, IBL works out. With a trainer. Which is funny enough on its own, but only if you know the guy.

So... he's working out, with the trainer, and they're jumping rope. Which is funny enough on its own, but only if you know the guy.

So... he's jumping rope, and somehow his foot gets caught in the rope, he goes down, and sprains his ankle. Which is funny enough... you know the drill.

What we were cracking up about, however, was imagining the people who got to witness this firsthand. IBL is anything but graceful. He startles when people approach his desk. He walks into things all the time. He walks backwards down the halls of the office. With his tongue out. So the jump rope incident had to be nothing short of a train wreck. I'm sure the personal trainer and about 4 or 5 other people got tangled in the rope, there was property damage involved, the whole nine.

OK, I guess it's only funny if you know the guy.