Well I'll be!
Someone who I previously thought was smart, just proved to be the contrary. I was in the mailroom, using the postage machine, when Smartie came walking through, casually tossed a letter into the basket of outgoing mail, and then stopped and said, "Do you think I need to put postage on that?" I look at it. It is definitely a postage-requiring situation, as is the case with ALL MAIL. I try to mask my incredulousness and say, "Yeah, probably." He looks at me like I've just announced that his first born child is going to be publicly flogged. I take pity on him. "Want me to do it for you?" He brightens. "Yeah! I don't know how to work that thing." I swish it through the postage machine and we both go on our merry little way.

In other news, some major shit just went down. I'll have the story as it unfolds.

Class Notes
My high school alumnae newsletter came in the mail yesterday. I went to an all-girls, Catholic high school, from which I am still recovering. As well as from the 8 years of Catholic schooling I received prior to high school. But that's beside the point.

One of the main things that my all-female high school really tried to drill into our impressionable, blossoming minds was that women can do anything men can do, and we should aim for the sky to try and reach our goals.

So in my class notes, I want to see that Suzy Soandso has been promoted to Chief Rocket Scientist, Bonnie Whatshername got her Masters degree, Katie Whosiwhatsit traveled to Cambodia and is teaching.

But instead, I got, Suzy Soandso is engaged! Bonnie Whatshername got married last month to Scott Whatshisface. And Katie Whosiwhatsit and her husband Bobby welcomed little Connor Whosiwhatsit into the world.

Which is all fine and good. I'm glad my high school friends are getting married and having children. But I want to hear about their accomplishments! What have they done with their lives besides meet a man?

Legacy Village
I finally was inside the new shopping phenomenon known collectively as Legacy Village. I voyaged there with my friend to have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. While we sweated out the over-an-hour wait, we decided to walk over to some of the shops. Without exchanging a word between us, we both made a beeline toward Crate & Barrel. I wanted to buy this pillow, but a) there's nothing in my house that matches it and b) I couldn't just buy one, I'd have to buy two, and I couldn't justify spending $60 on two pillows. Besides, my husband would kick my ass. So instead I bought two of these mugs (the candy cane striped ones)and one of these candles. Not too bad. I think it was only about $20 that I spent. It could have been a lot worse.

Cheesecake Factory was worth the wait, for the cheesecake alone. The food was good, not great. I ate some kind of chicken club sandwich with avocado. It was on greasy toast so I had to wipe my hands every time I took a bite. My friend had a cheese steak which she reported was good. And the cheesecake? The most important part? Me: chocolate rasberry truffle. Her: pumpkin pecan. Both? Excellent.

One thing I'll say about it, though: we had the slowest service I've had since Alice Cooperstown on Saturday. It took her 15 minutes to get our drink order, another 15 to bring it to us, and another 15 after that to take our order. By the time we got out most of the stores were closed, and we had planned on another shopping extravaganza. I wanted to go to Ann Taylor Loft, she wanted to go to Talbots.

We did, however, go into Coldwater Creek, and I found this jacket that I wanted to get but decided against spending the money.

We had a good time, though. And we'll be back, credit cards in hand.

Stole this from Teem Spirit. I would kick ass at Rock 'n' Roll Jeopardy.

Hey, wait a minute...
Yeah, those new computers? Look a whole hell of a lot like our old computers. You know, the ones they installed over the weekend. Oh wait, they are our old computers!

Gonna git me a bucket o'dat
Hey, according to a new KFC commercial, eating a bucket of chicken is good for you. It's low carb and high protein! Screw Jared, my new hero is Jason Alexander.

This was part of an e-mail I got today that depicted all kinds of funny signs and occurrances. If anyone wants me to forward it to them let me know.

Looks like crap, smells like crap... must be crap
I am working on a punk-ass, bitch-ass, crap-ass brochure for a client. Have I mentioned before that my clients are all realtors? Well, I think I should at this point because this particular realtor went to some seminar given by the Dr. Phil of real estate, and now thinks that a personal brochure is going to be the panacea for bad business. To add insult to injury, Dr. Phil gave her a formulaic sample brochure and she wants the exact same thing. Well for starters, the cover of Dr. Phil's brochure features a gigundo Phil, smiling like a psycho killer, wearing the loudest, ugliest tie known to man. My realtor, hmm, how to put this delicately... looks like a horse. And blowing up the photo to XXXXL won't do the woman justice, and it certainly won't get her business. Ok. So I successfully talked her out of the large photo, even though Dr. Phil swears this is the most effective layout for a brochure.

The other problem is that Dr. Phil's brochure is entirely devoid of graphics, save for his gargantuan mugshot and two other bite-sized mugs on the interior flaps. Now. I am of the opinion that no one needs three photos of themself on a brochure. Enter problem #2. My realtor has gotten a photo shoot done but they are all variations of the same pose. Dr. Phil is on the phone, Dr. Phil is in front of his computer, Dr. Phil is standing behind his "SOLD!" sign. My realtor pretty much just has headshots. Ok. So I negotiate a photo substitution.

The third problem is that Dr. Phil wants you to cram every single accomplishment you've ever had in your life, significant to real estate or not, into the already-crammed brochure. Maybe if we lose some of the photos. Ok, my realtor says, you're the designer.

So what I'm left with is a mess. I think Dr. Phil is full of shit, but I don't want to tell her that she just spent $800 on a complete waste of time. That is my conundrum du jour.

I'm sure by noon it will be something else.

The deception begins
We successfully pulled a fast one on the cats last night. A food substitution was made without notice. Due to Molly's ever-increasing fat roll that jiggles from side to side when she walks, and is near the point of dragging on the floor, we decided to switch their dry food to "weight management" food. I was sure that they'd know right away and refuse to eat. But no, they dove right in, as usual. Domino in particular chowed down. He isn't really overweight, but he's got a little pudge. There's no way for us to separate them to feed them different food so we have no choice but to put them both on the diet.

So far, they don't seem to mind. We'll see if the results are visible in the next few weeks.

Below: Molly is in for a big surprise.

It's that time of the week
There's something about Sunday nights that just depresses the living bejeebers out of me. I have to get back in gear for the work week, and that means all kinds of unpleasantries, unforseen stresses, phone calls from clients whom I haven't heard from in months who suddenly have 500 changes to make, and they need their stuff printed right now. I hope it's not one of those kinds of weeks.

A couple of bright spots: tomorrow night I'm meeting a friend for dinner after work. I think we are going to attempt to get in to the Cheesecake Factory, which makes me glad I put in the extra time on the treadmill. I don't know if we'll be successful, though. The wait time may still be outrageous. If not we'll end up at Cooker or someplace like that. Which is fine too. My friend has some serious bad shit going on in her life right now, such as, she didn't pass the bar exam, just found out her boyfriend of nearly a year is cheating on her... with a stripper. You know. Just your usual, every day problems. I feel horribly for her, I mean, either one of those things by themselves would be a lot on ones plate. But for both to hit at once, man. That's cruel. But so anyway, we're going to go out tomorrow and hopefully have a good time and not worry about boyfriends and bar exams.

Then Tuesday, I think my husband and I are going to see a musician who goes by the stage name of Badly Drawn Boy. He's another one of those singer-songwriter types, so I'm sure it will be good music but an eccentric show nonetheless.

The rest of the week, depending on what's going down at work, could prove to be pure crap. Plus it's Bad Lady's birthday on Friday, and I know we're going to have to figure out something to do. Which is stressful in itself because she doesn't eat cake, so that's out of the question, she doesn't eat pizza, so we can't do that. She doesn't really enjoy donuts or any sort of breakfast food, so that's out. She doesn't like balloons, or candy, or any other normal birthday fare. Pretty much the only thing the woman eats is lettuce or the occasional Nutri-Grain bar. That's a party waiting to happen right there.

*sigh*

At least I'll have some entertaining fodder to blog about all week.

Sunday (which is today, but I need to sleep before it's official)
1. Walk on treadmill. (check)
2. Finish Running with Scissors. (check)
3. Do and fold laundry. (check)
4. Figure out how to make a kajillion dollars so I don't have to go back to work Monday. (bzzt)

Lebron-a-thon
The Cavs won their first game. Whoop! Once again we were in the nosebleeds but it was fun nonetheless. We ate dinner beforehand at Alice Cooperstown, which was meh. There were no celebrity sightings at the game this time around, so it did not have as much excitement as it did Wednesday.

I must say that new mascot, Moondog, was slightly improved in his antics during tonight's game, but still not overly impressive. What was impressive, however, was the halftime act -- a trio of frisbee-catching dogs, including a Jack Russell terrier with performance anxiety. But the other two canines more than made up for their miniature companion in style and poise.

Thus concludes the Lebron-a-thon. We're not going to another game at the Gund until sometime in January, so the Cavs will have to do without us for a while. I hoep they can manage.

Monday should be interesting
As we were winding down at work this afternoon, the techie guy known to us as "Sprocket" came over and told us that our new computers were being installed over the weekend. This gives me great joy, and great apprehension. I just know something is going to go horribly wrong. Whenever the techies fix something, three other things get screwed up. Such is the way.

Evenin'
A non-eventful one, at that. Change of plans re: dinner. I decided, while on the drive home, that what I really wanted to eat tonight, was Chinese. And so I partook in some Orange Chicken and a vegetable egg roll. It was quite good, I must say.

I watched a little Trading Spaces and Queer Eye and then did a bit of fiddling around here on the computer.

Tomorrow, the Lebron-a-thon continues, as we are going to another Cavs game. We're going with our friends Frankenscott. It should be fun. Except, you know, we'll have to sit through the excruciatingly bad antics of Moondog yet again, and, basketball bores the shit out of me, truth be told. Other than that though. Good times.

Oh dear lord, ITunes. Danger, Will Robinson.

Lay off me, I'm starving
I was just thinking to myself that my husband had better not eat that last stuffed pepper that is in the fridge before he goes to his band practice. No sooner had the thought floated around my cranium then he called and asked me what I was going to eat for dinner. I said, "Whatever you leave for me." I then directed him to the frozen pizza in the freezer, and so the pepper is mine, baby! Mine!

What to do tonight... hubby at band practice... chick flick perhaps?

You can be sure that this blog will be updated later this evening. Because I'll have nothing else to do.

And so concludes another harrowing work week. *boogie down*

Bad Lady-in-Waiting
MY WORKPLACE (AP): Early this afternoon, a strange wave of silence permated the office where Kat is employed. Sources report that this was due to the departure of Bad Lady, which, as usual, was unannounced and abrupt. Also contributing to said silence was one Single White Female (SWF), who is, in her own right, a Bad Lady. Currently out of the office, SWF has been causing problems as of late.

SWF is a 20something who is a recent addition to this particular area of my office. Rambunctious and cute, she tends to be the cause of many disruptions throughout the day. These include but are not limited to: throwing balled up pieces of paper over the cubicle walls and hitting people in the head, throwing a plastic stress ball in in the air and catching it for hours at a time, and making a running jump into someone's cubicle to give them a fax. SWF can be categorized as Extremely Annoying, and a recent pattern of NotDoingJackShit has been noted.

Today, it has been reported, SWF arrived at 8:50, immediately started receiving social visits in her cubicle, and then left to go to McDonald's at 9:30. At approximately 10:30 she returned to the office, only to disappear from her desk for 45 minutes. After doing 10 minutes of work, she then went to lunch. At 1 she returned and has been giggling loudly ever since.

Due to extremely high workloads and looming deadlines, SWF's behavior is starting to raise the ire of certain employees, including Kat herself. ~TSF News~

History of SWF
Was hired several months ago as a designer for a different department. Used to work on the third floor, which is like a different world. My department is on the fourth floor, and we are just on the other side of a door from all the Head Honchos. Therefore, we must alter our behavior accordingly. We do not play with toys. We do not blatantly have people hanging out in our cube for more than a few minutes at a time on a continuing basis. We do not piss off our most important clients just because they spelled our name wrong. We do not tell our boss to "shut up" for any reason.

SWF and another coworker initially hit it off and hung out after work a few times. Apparently there was a bit of a scuffle over a guy, and thus SWF got her name because she began acting weird about it.

This carried over into our workplace because the coworker in question needed help and SWF volunteered to assist. But as soon as my coworker gave her the work to do, she went apeshit and complained to her boss and our boss that she was "overloaded" and "too stressed to handle the deadline." Hello, what do we do every day? Handle deadlines. If you can't take the heat... you know the rest. However, in this case, she couldn't take the heat, and so burned my coworker.

So this has caused many of us to rethink ever having her "help" us again. She seems like the kind of person who could so easily take something you said in confidence and throw it right back in your face. So I am on my guard with her.

Major fuckup
Whoops. Boss just discovered a typo in something I did, which has already come back from the printer. So we have to do a reprint, ASAP. I hate when that shit happens. I mean, it happens to everyone, but I feel like, I should have seen that. When he showed it to me, I saw it right away. Yet, he and I both looked at it before it went to press, I looked at two proofs, and it was never caught.

And it didn't help that when he came over to show me, I was engrossed in reading a fellow Hamster Timer's blog.

*dances for joy*
Guess what, fellow Queer Eye fans? New episodes start Tuesday, Nov. 18.
I hope that Cars and the gang are just as witty and truthful as ever.

By the way I added a lengthier rant about Lillian. I forgot that I was mad at her for the whole "bitter and voting with Drake" debacle of last night.

Thoughts on Survivor
Burton's back, and there's gonna be trouble,
Hey-la, hey-la, Burton's back.

Johnny Fairplay? Still there. And probably will be through the Pagonging of the Morgans.

Rupert? Leaders are becoming expendable. I think our boy's days are numbered.

Lill? Whatever. You're not going to go anywhere. Drake is just going to use you for votes. And damn you for being bitter. We had a legitimate chance to get rid of Jon and you blew it. Thanks for nothing.

Morgan Tribe? Buh-bye.

Christa and Sandra? Stay under the radar and you will make it far. Just please, don't bring Jon to the finals with you. I beg you, of all that is good in the world. Duke it out amongst yourselves.

And that concludes my thoughts on Survivor.

Stay tuned for my thoughts on the person who just called me to put together an ad that is due Monday.

&##*@&!^!*@(#(@*@*@

Thank you.

One more b-ball tidbit
I would like to give a middle finger to the inventor of Thunder Sticks (or, ThunderStixx as they may be called). When your overly-enthusiastic husband is banging them together every two minutes it tends to wear on ones nerves. And eardrums.

Food is good
Tonight I'm attempting to make my once-a-year Stuffed Peppers. I'd make it more often, but we always forget about them and then there's 50 million other things we want to make first. I'm looking forward to it though. I make mine with ground beef, rice, tomato sauce, and worchestershire. I think tonight we're going to chop up some mushrooms and put those in as well. Awww yeah.

Ring, ring
A call comes through from the receptionist for me. OK. I pick it up. Person on the other end of the line says, "Can I speak to [name omitted] who handles the [random administrative task I know nothing about?]"

OK, sure. But, um, didn't you JUST talk to the receptionist, who could have connected you DIRECTLY with the person you needed to speak to, instead of going through her and THEN through me?

Thank god for whoever invented the "do-not-disturb" key that I just pressed on my phone.