The day after the holiday
What's the best thing about today?
It's Tuesday.
What's the worst thing about today?
It's Tuesday.

My holiday weekend was exhausting. Not because I did a ton of stuff, but because I was with a certain 13-month-old who just discovered the fine art of walking, and wants to do it ALL. THE. TIME. The aforementioned 13-m.o. also developed a cold sometime during the weekend and turned into a snot faucet. Trying to wipe his nose? Not so fun for him or me.

I haven't really had much to post about lately, I don't know if that's just because my life is that boring, which it is, or if I have been finding other ways to amuse myself online. Or both.

I will now return to my afternoon of eating candy at my desk and ticking off the seconds until 5 o'clock.

Rest in peace, mate.

Too Tired to Eat

I see dead people... but it could be because I'm STONED OFF MY ASS!

From Associated Press
August 17, 2006 7:51 PM EDT
GLENDALE, Calif. - Teen actor Haley Joel Osment, who suffered a broken rib last month when his car struck a mailbox, faces up to six months in jail on charges that he was driving drunk and possessing marijuana, authorities said.

Osment's blood-alcohol level after the July 20 crash was measured at .16 percent, twice the legal limit, said Jane Robison, a spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County district attorney's office.

The 18-year-old actor was charged Thursday with misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence, marijuana possession and driving under the influence with the special allegation of having a blood-alcohol content of .15 percent or higher. He also faces a vehicle code infraction of being under the age of 21 and driving with a blood-alcohol level of .05 percent or greater.

Osment was scheduled to be arraigned Sept. 19 in Glendale Superior Court.

His attorney will work with authorities to arrange a time for the star of such films as "The Sixth Sense" and "Pay it Forward" to surrender, Robison said. The district attorney plans to request that bail be set at $15,000.

DreamWorks spokesman and family friend Marvin Levy said Thursday the family would have "no comment at this time" on the charges. Levy said Wednesday that Osment has recovered from injuries that landed him in the hospital and is preparing to attend college in the fall.

The actor recently finished work on the film "Home of the Giants."

"He's fine. The injuries were slight, not serious," Levy said.

Authorities said Osment was driving home alone about 1 a.m. when his 1995 Saturn hit a mailbox and flipped over.

Shameful
This afternoon at lunch, I was sitting out at the picnic table with some co-workers and someone said, "Let's not go back in."

Without thinking, I said, "I'll co-sign that."
Horrifying. I used a bb-ism.

Bits and pieces

1. Twice within the past week, acquaintences of mine have asked me, upon first seeing me, if I'm pregnant. So this has me freaked out because either a) I'm pregnant; or b) I look pregnant. Maybe that trip to the candy store really didn't help me out too much in that respect.
2. Doodle took about 8 or 9 steps yesterday, from the TV stand, across the living room, to me, where I was sitting in a rocking chair. He was wearing just a onesie so it was hilarious to see his little skinny bird legs come toddling toward me. I'll have to make a movie of it soon.
3. Over the weekend I volunteered at the zoo, as part of a child safety campaign for my company. It involved standing in a tent and fingerprinting a ton of little kids. Two slightly amusing things happened there:

• Two really cute girls who looked to be sisters, maybe 6 or 7 years old, came up with their parents. One proudly declared, "I'm getting a baby brother!" And, for some strange reason, I asked, "Is this your sister?" At which point, the mom said, "No, this is the aunt and the neice, even though they're only three months apart!" Well, shut my mouth. Will never ask familial questions AGAIN.
• This will only be relevant to Clevelanders: ageless meterologist Dick Goddard walked up to our tent and asked me where the amphitheater was. I had no idea, which is what I told him, and he was gone before it even registered to me that Dick Goddard had just asked me where the amphitheater was.

If ever I were to hurl at work, it would be today
Note to self: do not eat leftover taco casserole for lunch and then agree to go here. Hello, sugar shock. How I've missed you.

An August Post
Wow. It's August already? Who knew!
I haven't really had anything post-worthy to say lately, but when has that stopped me before! Haw!

Doodle has been attempting to walk, but the large goose-egg sized bruises on his head are testament to the fact that he's just not ready yet.

Lots of family drama, but nothing that I want to spew forth to the Internet at large.

Been watching the hamsters but they're so goddamned boring.

I played wayyyyyyyy to much mahjong on the computer last night... I can still see the tiles in my head when I close my eyes.

That's all I got.

Responsible parenting
I got a call from day care this afternoon. Which usually means that I am leaving work several minutes later to come pick up a feverish, or vomiting, Doodle.

However, today they were just calling me to report an "incident" that had occurred while Doodle was sitting at the infant table. Apparently he grabbed a bottle that was on the table that wasn't his and started to drink it. The bottle contained breast milk.

I'm not sure if I was supposed to be alarmed or upset at this news, but I was neither/nor. I just said, "Ok, thanks for letting me know," and that was that.

Call me crazy, but breast milk is probably the most healthy thing he put in his mouth today.

I think it's because I've seen Doodle eat a clump of cat hair/dust bunny material, and nothing bad happened to him then. OK, he really didn't eat it as much as it was hanging from his bottom lip for what probably qualifies as "more time than a good parent would allow."

Fun and games at the company event
Last night was my company's "Family Night" at the Indians game. Before the game there was a big tailgate party in a parking lot near the Jake.

All was going well until this guy showed up:


Never trust a gorilla in an assless hula skirt, I always say.

To err is human...
An e-mail arrived this morning fresh from my boss' brain with our "thought for the day." This isn't something he does every day, just today, actually.

It said something like this. "In order to maintain our high standard of quality, please always error [emphasis mine] on the side of caution and send all materials to our proofreader before we go to print."

Sensing an opportunity to be a smartass and delighting in the irony that he committed a grammatical gaffe in an e-mail pertaining to catching just such things, I replied to his e-mail with, "Actually, it's 'err' on the side of caution, but, point taken."

Then he replied with some other smartass remark. I'm glad I have a boss with a sense of humor.

Two revelations that will make me sleep easier at night
I don't know if you have heard this or not, but Oprah? NOT gay. That's right, she's not gay! That ends the age-long speculation that... oh wait, NO ONE THOUGHT she was gay in the first place! However, why the sudden mention of the non-gayness? It's almost like it's damage control. Like the adage says, "she who smelt it, dealt it."

And thankfully, Suri Cruise has been spotted. By a fellow scientologist, Leah Remini. OK. That clears that up. Phew. I'm compiling a list of potential future daughters-in-law, and I wanted to make sure Suri was still in the dating pool. I don't care how crazy her parents are. I want to retire a wealthy woman.

Beautiful Birthday Boy



Close your eyes
Have no fear,
The monsters gone,
He's on the run,
And your [mommy's] here,



Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy.



Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,



Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy.



Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both
Just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime,


Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans,



Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy.
-John Lennon "Beautiful Boy"

Smashing

More to come tomorrow.

So, tell me if you think this is weird...
Doodle's birthday party is this Saturday. It's a family affair. I don't exactly know how many people are coming, but that's another post.

So a couple weekends ago, we're over at the in-laws' house. My hubby's younger brother has this new girlfriend. New within the past year. He was visiting her while we were there. So while we're there, he calls and asks if HER PARENTS can come to Doodle's birthday.

My first reaction was, why would they WANT to? Am I to be hosting a "meet the parents" gig at my house?

My second reaction was, sure, if they bring a present.

Strange
This morning, the turnpike lady, who I don't even see all that often, noticed that I changed my hair color. What does this say about me? I'm not sure. I just feel kinda weird about it.

Thought for the day
Just because you can make a movie like "Little Man," doesn't mean that you should.

It's official
Summer cannot officially begin until I hear DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince "Summertime." And now I have, and so it can.

Other summer songs:
Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams
Summertime Rolls - Janes Addiction
Summer Breeze - Seals and Crofts
Summer Nights - Travolta/Newton-John

Hmm. *makes mix on Rhapsody*

Just another Monday
By a show of hands, who else is in the office today?



...


That's pretty much what I thought.

A day at the beach

OK, not really. Doodle got his 1-year old pics taken this weekend. Check out the rest of the pics here.